Singapore #Fitspo of the Week Toh Si Ling: 'I was stuck in this death cycle of starving and purging'
Be inspired by the success stories of fitness influencers, celebrities, models and trainers in Singapore
Cheryl Tay
·Contributor
Updated Mon, 18 December 2023 at 12:14 PM SGT
Singapore #Fitspo of the Week Toh Si Ling is a senior spin instructor. (PHOTO: Cheryl Tay) (Cheryl Tay)
Life goes beyond the digits on the scale and your body is capable of so much more! Yahoo’s #Fitspo of the Week series is dedicated to inspirational men and women in Singapore leading healthy and active lifestyles. Have someone to recommend? Hit Cheryl up on Instagram or Facebook!
Name: Toh Si Ling (@fortyceilings)
Age: 24
Height: 1.61m
Weight: 50kg
Occupation: Senior Spin Instructor
Status: Attached
Food: Two meals a day – heavy breakfast and light dinner. I don’t follow diets or restrict my diet, so I eat everything in moderation.
Exercise: I teach about 10 to 16 spin classes a week. In my free time, I enjoy dancing and cross training with BFT (body fit training), pilates and Barry’s.
Q: You have a dance background.
A: Yes, I grew up as a dancer, starting dance since I was five and I was professionally trained in Latin ballroom dance and later transitioned into street styles such as street jazz and hip hop. However, outside of dance, I did not exercise at all and I usually eat more than I can burn.
Up to the point where I graduated from secondary school, I was still very unfit. I took 18 minutes to complete the 2.4km run for the NAPFA test because I would walk the entire route and not run at all.
It was only until my mom signed me up for personal training at a gym as my 16th birthday gift, that I got into fitness. However, at that time I was only into fitness for the sake of losing weight and not as a lifestyle. I only truly started to enjoy sports when I took up taekwondo as my CCA in junior college and got to know friends who worked out regularly.
Si Ling was professionally trained in Latin ballroom dancing. (PHOTO: Cheryl Tay) (Cheryl Tay)
What did you get into as you got older?
As I got older and started to work part time jobs to earn my own pocket money, I went to try boutique fitness classes everywhere with GuavaPass (the old ClassPass). I tried bouldering, calisthenics, boxing, spin, yoga, meditation and much more, but I always found myself leaning towards spin more.
You’re really into spinning.
A friend of mine was a regular at one of Singapore’s very few spin studios back in 2016/2017. Back then, the spinning scene was very small and it was a new concept so I went down to give it a try without any expectations.
I found myself enjoying it a lot more than I thought because it reminded me of dance. I realised spin is like dancing on a bike. Coupled with the loud and booming music with a really motivating instructor, it felt like a really healthy clubbing session. I felt euphoric after each class I took and that’s when I knew I was hooked.
When did you decide to become a spin instructor?
I became a spin instructor with Absolute Boutique Fitness Studio in 2018. I initially worked there as a front of house staff because I wanted to be as close to my passion and hobby as possible, having easy access to a workout before or after my shifts. Not long after I joined, they were holding auditions for instructors and I immediately knew I wanted to give it a try despite not knowing if I have what it takes.
I was stuck in a dilemma because the training period starts at the same time as my first semester in university, which would pose as a challenge for me to juggle both at the same time. Despite knowing I would most likely struggle to adapt in school if I were to be a spin instructor, I decided to take up the offer as I passed the auditions and I felt like it was a rare opportunity to come by.
How long do you intend to teach for?
I don’t see myself giving up this path anytime soon, and even if I were to find new career opportunities in other industries, I will still choose to teach fitness as a side hustle if possible.
Putting the extra money aside, being a fitness instructor keeps me accountable for my personal fitness levels as I will need hold myself to a certain level of standard when it comes to stamina, physique and endurance in order to be credible to and respected by my clients.
My current plans are to continue teaching spin and furthering my studies in late 2024 as I will be pursuing my Masters degree in law. During the course of my studies, I will juggle both at the same time — just like how I did during my undergraduate years.
Si Ling will continue to be teaching spin classes as she furthers her studies. (PHOTO: Cheryl Tay) (Cheryl Tay)
When you were younger, did you experience any incidents that made you feel insecure about yourself?
I remember vividly as a 13-year-old teenager, I saw a shirt I really liked in a shop and I called out to my friend to tell her about it. However, her response shocked me as she replied, “There’s no point in looking at that shirt; it’s not like you can fit in it anyway.”
There was another instance when I was 15/16, my friend commented that my calf and thigh were the same size. It made me super insecure and frustrated because there was nothing I could do about it. My calves were naturally more muscular than other girls because of my dance training since young. I think that was the beginning of when I started to be more conscious about my appearance.
Over the years, I’ve also struggled a lot to live confidently with acne due to my sensitive skin. It got really bad to a point where I was reluctant to leave the house because I was afraid of how people will judge me based on my appearance. Of course, after incorporating fitness into my routine as a lifestyle and seeing a dermatologist over the years, circumstances improved despite me still having skin flare-ups from time to time.
However, I’m very much unbothered now because I am aware that my self-worth and value are not based on appearance. We cannot control other people’s first impressions of us based on looks, but we can control how they perceive us as a person in the long run based on how we speak, behave and carry ourselves.
When did you feel the least confident about yourself?
Sometime from 2020 to 2021, I suddenly had a really bad acne flare up that lasted for a whole year and it didn’t recover despite seeing different doctors. Thankfully it was the COVID-19 pandemic period so we wore masks and I didn’t really have to show my bare face to everyone.
I was also thankful to have my loved ones support me and constantly reassure me that people will not treat me any differently simply because I was struggling with acne. I also had close friends sharing the same issue as I do, hence we formed a small support group and found comfort in knowing that we are not alone with our own struggles.
Did you ever struggle with your body?
I struggled a lot with my weight throughout my teenage years until I was 18/19. I found myself fluctuating a lot. I was not fat, but I was chubby. I would lose weight fast, but I also gained it back really fast. As a young and impressionable girl exposed to so much negative social media influence on unrealistic body goals, I resorted to simple and unhealthy methods to lose weight such as starving and purging. It didn’t help that I couldn’t fit into most clothes that were free size too.
Once I lost weight and the compliments started to come in, I felt validated for my “hard work” and finally felt like I met societal beauty standards. However, the moment I recovered and felt happy enough to simply eat and enjoy my food, I would gain back the weight really quickly too. I think it was a death cycle because people, especially the elders in my family, tend to associate skinny frames as “good looking” and healthier, meatier frames as “fat and unpleasant”.
Si Ling struggled with weight issues during her teenage years. (PHOTO: Cheryl Tay) (Cheryl Tay)
I was stuck in this death cycle of starving and purging for years until fitness became a part of my lifestyle. I think it also helped when the younger generations started to pay more attention to diversity and inclusion, which aided me to realise that I can never fully please someone and I would never be happy if I kept trying to pursue what others want of me rather than being content with myself.
Over the years, I also started to realise that the places I shopped at simply sold clothes that run small and were of small cutting. Clothes should also be made to fit me, not me trying so hard to fit into them. With a change in mindset and coupled with fitness now being a lifestyle and not a tool to lose weight, I found myself with not just a healthier physique, but also a healthier headspace.
Younger me only wanted to be bone-skinny. Older me wants to be lean and toned. Circling back to the comment made to me when I was 16 about my thigh and calf being the same size, I actually see it as a compliment now because it means that I worked hard for the muscular definition.
Are you satisfied with your body now?
Yes, but I’m always looking to improve my muscular mass and be more toned. I’m comfortable in my own skin and I’m really grateful for this vessel that has allowed me to experience so much of life. I think it’s really important for people to appreciate what their bodies do for them instead on focusing on how good it looks for others.
Societal beauty standards change every other day and there’s simply no way to keep up with it. All that matters is that my body is healthy and able to support me in all the activities I choose to partake in.
Do you get any comments about your body?
Nowadays, honestly no. I think as we age, people generally tend to keep their comments behind your back even if they were to form an opinion about you. However, it’s always nice to be confident in your own skin and understand that everyone has a different perception of what beauty is.
The only person’s opinion that I should care about is myself. And if I’m not in a headspace to think positively about my personal physique, then I know I need to do something about it.
However, if I’m already trying my best or I’m already content with where I am, I realise that I cannot control what others think about me and what they perceive of my appearance and physique. And I don’t worry about what I can’t control, so I simply let it go.
If you could change anything about yourself, would you?
No I wouldn’t. Whatever that has happened to me and for me has shaped me into who I am today. A version of me that I’m content with, satisfied with and take pride in. If anything were to change in my path, I might not be who I am now.
Singapore #Fitspo of the Week: Toh Si Ling. (PHOTO: Cheryl Tay) (Cheryl Tay)
