Conversations you will never hear - Robert Mugabe and Lee Con You

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Lee: Congrats, ah Lorbutt. Wah lau, you can win 98% of the vote at your last GE. I only win 60%, only 2% dissented against you. What more can you ask for?
Mugabe: Kanena, Their names, of course.
 
Mugabe and Con You were late for their appointment with their private banker. Mugabe insisted on driving.

Mugabe: In my country, every one drives like a mad man and all damn fast one.
Lee: In my country, all singaporeans obey the traffic laws, since u FT, u better drive, nothing will happen to you.

Unfortunately, while driving like a berserk thru Punggol, Mugabe hit a pig crossing the road.

Mugabe: I feel damn bad, I should go back and see who the pig belongs to and pay some compensation money.
Lee: We don't have time, we are already late. Why don't u drop me off at the bank first, and than u can come back by yourself and look for the pig's owner.

Many hours later, Mugabe shows up at the bank laden with presents in his arms, and lipstick on his face.

Lee: Wah lan, what happened to you? The meeting over long ago.
Mugabe: Well, I located the owner of the pig, and I was going to give him some money, but instead, he hauled me into his house, called all his neighbours and relatives, gave me the best meal I ever had, laden me with gifts, and offered me the virginity of his hot daughter. That's why I late.
Lee, suspiciously: Sinkies got so generous one, meh? What did u say to him?
Mugabe: I told him I am Lee Kuan Yew's driver, and I just killed the pig.
 
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