* ALL Questions about the Christian Life *

[Patriot]

What does it mean to be God-centered?​

Answer

Everyone’s life has a center. Our center is the hub around which all decisions revolve. For some, survival is the hub from morning until night. For others, the acquisition of wealth or material goods drives daily choices. In many Western cultures, the center of life is pleasure-seeking, gained through entertainment and sexual deviations of every sort. But a God-centered life is one that revolves around the character of God. Decisions are made from within that center, based upon that which pleases or displeases God.

A God-centered person has found that the pursuit of God is life’s highest calling (see Jeremiah 29:13). Earthly enticements lose much of their attraction for someone who has been in the presence of the Lord God Almighty (Isaiah 6:1–5; Hosea 12:5). Attitudes, desires, and relationships are altered by that encounter, and the Word of God becomes a lifeline. A God-centered life is marked by the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22). These are not personality traits that we can “work on”; they are called “fruit of the Spirit” because, as a fruit tree naturally produces fruit, a life that is fully surrendered to God naturally produces godly qualities.

God-centered people are not self-centered. God-centered people pay less attention to the applause of this world, because their motivation is the anticipation of hearing the words “Well done!” when this life is over (see Matthew 25:21, 23). Their focus is on becoming more like Jesus rather than acquiring fame and fortune for themselves. The God-centered (or Christ-centered) person shares the insightful goal of John the Baptist: “He must become greater; I must become less” (John 3:30).

A fine but distinct line exists between being God-centered and being religion-centered. Many religion-centered people think that their lives revolve around God, when, in truth, they are enslaved to a religious system. Many false religions, and even some Christian denominations, focus so much on strict performance standards that the relationship with God Himself is pushed into the background. Neither being church-centered nor being activity-centered can substitute for being God-centered. Another distinction must be made concerning the identity of one’s God. Many religions have created their own gods, and people may center their lives on those gods, but such false religious systems lead to very different ends from biblical Christianity. For the purposes of this article, God-centered refers to the one true God revealed in the Bible and manifested in the person of Jesus Christ (John 10:30; 14:9).

In order to differentiate between a God-centered and a religion-centered life, it helps to know the difference between the two. If you believe yourself to be born again according to Scripture, then consider these questions:

Do I live with the vague, uneasy feeling that God is continually displeased with me?
Do I often find myself exhausted and defeated in trying to live a Christian life?
Do I secretly judge others who are not as actively engaged as I am in church or charity work?
Do I believe there to be a clear distinction between the sacred and the secular as it pertains to daily life?
Do I consider religious-looking activities a means by which I can gain God’s favor?
If my religious activity slackens, what is my motivation to resume it—guilt? fear? or a desire for more of God?

If guilt or fear is the motivator for any Christian-based activity, you may have a religion-centered life. A truly God-centered life feels off balance when prayer or personal Bible study is lacking. For a God-centered person, the motivation to return to those practices stems from desire, not guilt, similar to how a man who has fasted all day by evening hungers for food. A religion-centered life draws clear lines between the sacred and the secular, considering only religiously tainted activities as having any spiritual worth. God draws no such lines and encourages us to glorify Him in the mundane chores of daily living (1 Corinthians 10:31; Colossians 3:23).

We move from earthly centered to God-centered by having a real encounter with the Holy Spirit, who transforms and renews our minds (Romans 12:2). When we realize that nothing else matters and we are willing to let go of whatever is necessary to have more of Him, we are on the way to living in joyful abandon to the things of God.

For Further Study​

Who Am I?: Identity in Christ by Jerry Bridges

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[Patriot]

Should a Christian be a monk?​

Answer

Although monastic tradition has been partially inspired by biblical figures such as Elijah, John the Baptist, and even Jesus Himself (during His 40 days in the wilderness), monasticism is not a practice promoted or even mentioned in the Bible. Monks and nuns follow man-made traditions that are not taught in the Word of God.

The Pharisees prescribed many man-made rules for others. In a way, the Mosaic Law had become salvation to the Pharisees, rather than a tool by which God shows us our need for a Savior (see Romans 3:20). Jesus came to fulfill the Law (Matthew 5:17); because no one can live up to God’s righteous standard, Christ’s atonement for sin and the indwelling of His Spirit is the only way sinners can come before God and be made righteous (Ephesians 2:8–10; 1 John 5:11–13). Just as the Pharisees bypassed this truth with their many rules, so monasticism can dangerously sway toward a self-righteousness rather than “a righteousness that is by faith” (Romans 9:30).

Centuries before the first Christian monks began to cloister themselves, Paul warned the church of Colossae concerning rules imposed by men: “Why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: ‘Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!’? These rules . . . are based on merely human commands and teachings” (Colossians 2:20–22). Paul opposed such religious traps in part because they were ineffective in producing true holiness: “Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence” (verse 23). One’s sanctification does not depend on following a monastic rule or any other code of human regulations.

The call to follow Jesus is a call to die to our own will and submit to God’s will for our lives (Romans 6:1–8, 13; Colossians 2:20–3:3; Mark 12:28–34). It is not, however, a call to asceticism. Christians are not forbidden from enjoying the things this world has to offer. Although Paul admonishes the wealthy to not put their hope in riches, he states that God “richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment” (1 Timothy 6:17). Of course the Bible forbids sin, but placing further strictures on one’s behavior, except to accommodate a weaker brother (Romans 14:21), goes beyond Scripture’s advice.

One of the problems with a Christian becoming a monk or nun, apart from the extra-biblical origin of the role, is that monasticism naturally divides Christians into two camps: those in “religious” vocations and those in “secular” vocations. Martin Luther, a former Augustinian monk (who married a former nun), wrote against the idea of a “super-Christian” inherent in monasticism: “Monastic vows rest on the false assumption that there is a special calling, a vocation, to which superior Christians are invited to observe the counsels of perfection while ordinary Christians fulfil only the commands; but there simply is no special religious vocation since the call of God comes to each at the common tasks.” In other words, a married man working as a circus clown can be just as holy as a monk of the most austere variety.

This is not to say that no good has come from monks or nuns who dedicated their lives to pious pursuits. Some, such as Brother Lawrence, have left profound writings that can be of aid in the Christian walk. Others have been forces of good in the fields of education and health care. And some, such as Gregor Mendel, have led scientific advances.

One good question to ask might be “what is the purpose of becoming a monk?” Is the answer “to better or perfect myself”? The Bible is clear that the key to the Christian life is faith, not rule-keeping: “Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?” (Galatians 3:2–3). Or perhaps the reason for becoming a monk is to escape the temptations of the world. The problem is that we are tempted internally, not just externally (James 1:14). The Bible never advocates escape from the world; in fact, it tells us to engage the world (see 1 Corinthians 5:9–10). Jesus was criticized for eating “with tax collectors and sinners” (Matthew 9:11); obviously, He never cloistered Himself.

Should a Christian submit himself to God’s will and obey His calling? Always, the answer to that is “Yes!” Should a Christian be a monk or a nun? Given the lack of biblical precedent, the requirements to adhere to man-made rules, and the problems inherent in asceticism, we would say, “No.”

For Further Study​

The ESV Study Bible

More insights from your Bible study - Get Started with Logos Bible Software for Free!

 

[Patriot]

How can I maintain a good attitude when I am hormonal?​

Answer

Hormones are natural substances produced in the body that regulate and influence the way that body grows and develops. At certain times in a person’s life, extra hormones are produced to facilitate growth spurts, such as during adolescence. At other times, hormone levels decrease, such as during and after menopause. Maintaining a good attitude when struggling with hormones has been difficult for everyone at some point in our lives.

Hormones, like any of our body’s natural substances, can affect us in both positive and negative ways. One negative aspect of a hormone imbalance is irritability and overly sensitive emotions. This imbalance is often considered to be a female problem, but men and boys are also affected by hormonal imbalances that may manifest as aggression or anger. Rather than simply excuse improper behavior, we should seek wisdom from God on the matter. What does God expect us to do when hormones are raging?

The Bible makes no allowances for physical conditions contributing to poor behavior. Commands are commands, whether we feel like obeying them or not. We are responsible for our actions, not our feelings. So an important step in maintaining a good attitude is to accept the responsibility for our actions, even when we suspect hormones play a role in how we feel. Admitting to God and to ourselves that we feel out of control can go a long way toward gaining control. Such honesty is also good practice in learning how to die to our flesh (Romans 6:6; 2 Corinthians 5:17). Choosing to do right while struggling with overpowering feelings can actually help us grow spiritually and develop self-control, which benefits us in every way.

In extreme cases of struggling with hormones, a visit to the doctor may be in order. Sometimes there are other factors at play that could signal a more serious problem. If a person recognizes that periodic hormone imbalances are creating tension and hurt feelings within the family or workplace, it may be time to restructure schedules to minimize personal interactions. When the cycle is at its worst point, it is better to stay away from people than risk hurting feelings and damaging relationships. The one struggling with hormones can warn those in close contact and apologize in advance, assuring them that normalcy will soon return. By warning those close to us, we are taking the responsibility for our own actions, rather than picking fights and blaming others.

Human beings are excuse factories, and, unfortunately, advances in medical knowledge have given us a storehouse full of biological ones. We can blame drunkenness on “disease,” adultery on an “addiction,” and hatefulness or aggression on “hormones.” God never accepts our excuses, so we shouldn’t, either. Sometimes obedience to Him is easy, and sometimes it is not, but our responsibility remains the same. Confessing our bad attitudes as sin (1 John 1:9), finding forgiveness (Micah 7:18), and asking for God’s strength to overcome (Romans 8:37) are always the right responses when struggling with hormones.

For Further Study​

How to Handle Your Emotions: Anger, Depression, Fear, Grief, Rejection, Self-Worth by June Hunt

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[Patriot]

Does a believer have authority over Satan?​

Answer

The believer’s authority over Satan and victory over the spiritual forces of evil depend on the power of God, the relative power of Satan, and God’s power within the believer.

First, God’s power is perfect and unlimited. He created the heavens and the earth (Genesis 1:1) and holds power over life and death. God clearly has power over Satan and in the end will cast Satan into eternal punishment in the lake of fire (Revelation 20:7–10).

Second, Satan’s power, while no match for God’s, is yet strong. Satan can tempt humans, as he did with Eve in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3). He is sometimes granted permission from God to inflict pain on people, as in the case of Job (Job 1—2). He was able to tempt Jesus but unable to cause Him to stumble or sin (Matthew 4:1–11). God warns us that Satan hunts for human victims in the way that a roaring lion prowls for its prey (1 Peter 5:8). Satan’s power is not only limited in effectiveness but also in time. Evil faces an ultimate defeat in the future (see Revelation 12:12 and 20:10).

This brings us to our power in relation to Satan. Believers in Jesus Christ have God’s Spirit living within them. Galatians 2:20 says, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.” The same power that created the universe resides within us. As a result, Satan has no true power over us. He cannot force us to sin, he cannot possess us, and he knows that we will ultimately have the victory over him.

At the same time, Satan continues to cause problems for believers living in this fallen world. Ephesians 6:10–18 reminds us of the spiritual battle we face and the importance of using the spiritual armor God gives. In addition, James 4:7 spells out our responsibility to resist Satan: “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

We have no authority over Satan in ourselves. God has all authority, and He fights on our behalf. Our response to Satan’s attacks should include submitting our lives to God, living in a holy manner, praying for God’s protection, and resisting sin. When we place ourselves under God’s protection, Satan has no authority over us. He will flee. In addition, we can respond to the devil’s temptations as Jesus did. All three times Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness, the Lord responded by quoting God’s Word (Matthew 4:1–11). If Jesus overcame temptation through Scripture, we should certainly rely on the Bible to overcome Satan’s temptation in our lives. It’s not called the “sword of the Spirit” for nothing (Ephesians 6:17).

The apostle Paul reminds us that Satan’s power will be short-lived. Romans 16:20 promises, “The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.” Stand firm in the Lord, and you can live in victory over Satan’s schemes.

For Further Study​

Spiritual Warfare in the Storyline of Scripture: A Biblical, Theological, and Practical Approach by Cook & Lawless

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[Patriot]

How should a Christian view tradition?​

Answer

The word tradition can have two meanings, one secular and one religious. The secular understanding is that tradition is a long-established ritual, custom, or belief that is passed down from one generation to the next. For example, families have certain traditions in the way they celebrate holidays, birthdays, or vacations. Family traditions can be a healthy and positive way to maintain family cohesiveness. Social traditions can help create a sense of belonging within a community. A school may have a tradition that each year the incoming freshmen are escorted to the first football game by the seniors. Following those traditions builds unity and helps maintain social norms. In the religious arena, however, tradition can blur the line between God’s truth and man’s invention, thereby confusing many. Christians should view religious tradition with caution.

Religious tradition was in full force during Jesus’ earthly ministry. He often scolded the religious leaders, saying, “You nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down” (Mark 7:13). The scribes and the Pharisees had added so many of their own ideas to God’s Law that the common people were confused and felt helpless to obey it all. In Mark 7:6–8, Jesus quoted from Isaiah to reprimand the religious leaders, saying, “Well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written, ‘This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’” Notice that the “commandments of men” were being taught as if they were divinely inspired “doctrines.” And that was the problem.

One of the many traditions kept by the Pharisees of Jesus’ day involved a ritualistic hand-washing before meals. The observance of this tradition had nothing to do with cleanliness; the Pharisees’ concern was ceremonial purity. Once, when a Pharisee invited Jesus to eat with him, Jesus bypassed the tradition: “His host was amazed to see that he sat down to eat without first performing the hand-washing ceremony required by Jewish custom” (Luke 11:38, NLT). Jesus had broken no law—nothing in the Mosaic commandments required such hand-washing—but the Pharisee expected conformity to the custom nonetheless. Jesus’ outright disregard of that manmade tradition sets up a clear distinction between what is binding (God’s commands) and what is not binding (human tradition).

Religious traditions that supersede or displace God’s law have been around since the earliest days. They are still in full force within every religion as well as most Christian denominations. The liturgical branches of Christianity have the most obvious traditions, but more relaxed worship venues can have them as well. Most of us have our favorite style of music, method of preaching, organizational structure, and serving routines that we accept without question. When faced with change, we might even feel a sense of moral outrage, as though changing the service format or adding a bass guitar were a direct violation of God’s commands. What we’re really doing, perhaps without even realizing it, is guarding our own pet traditions, just as the Pharisees did. We can even become offended at Jesus, as the Pharisees did, when He disrupts our traditional view of what we think Christianity should look like (see John 9:16).

Scripture has layers of meaning. The more we delve into God’s Word, the more we learn about God, and it often upsets our own ideas. Just when we think we have things figured out and we are certain that we are theologically, morally, and socially right about it all, we uncover another layer that shatters those confidences. When we cling to tradition—whether denominational, theological, or structural—as if it were God’s Word, we keep the door closed on God’s revelation of truth to us. He wants to keep surprising us with Who He is as we continue to pursue Him (Jeremiah 29:13). But religious tradition is often in the way. “That’s not how we’ve always done it,” is the battle cry of the traditionalists. Breaking tradition can be uncomfortable for many, just as it was for the Pharisees (Matthew 5:33–34; Luke 6:26–27). But when we can clearly see the dividing line between our own traditions and God’s truth, we stay humble and pliable as God continues to transform us into the image of His Son (Romans 8:29).

For Further Study​

40 Questions About Roman Catholicism by Gregg Allison

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[Patriot]

What does the Bible say about being a godly man?​

Answer

The Bible is a handbook for anyone who desires to be a godly man or woman. God created man and woman after His own image (Genesis 1:27), and part of being in His image is that we are to reflect His character. However, sin marred that image in us and distorted that character (Romans 5:12). God’s choice of Abraham to be the father of a new nation (Genesis 17:5–8) was made, in part, to establish a people group through which He could once again see His character reflected (Leviticus 26:11–12). Reflecting the heart, wisdom, and nature of God is the goal of everyone who seeks to be a godly man or woman.

The first step in becoming a godly man is to surrender to the lordship of Jesus Christ (John 14:6). Anyone can learn rules, follow laws, and judge themselves harshly. Many false religions require that of their subjects. But we cannot become godly without the Holy Spirit empowering us to do so (Acts 1:8). Godliness is more than external behaviors; it is the continual seeking after God’s heart (Isaiah 55:6–7). The term godly refers to having an inward devotion for God that is outwardly displayed. So a godly man is one who has received Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross as payment for his and has accepted the righteousness purchased for him there (2 Corinthians 5:21). By faith in Christ’s death and resurrection, the godly man has declared Jesus the Lord of his life, and his heart is set toward obedience (Romans 10:9–10).

With God’s Spirit inside him (1 Corinthians 6:19–20), the godly man is able to understand the deep things of the Spirit (1 Corinthians 2:9–10). He begins to see life differently. Life is no longer about pleasing himself but about pleasing his Lord (Romans 13:12–14; Hebrews 12:28). The godly man knows he will still stumble as he strives toward holiness (James 3:2), but his goal is to be holy as His Lord is holy (1 Peter 1:16). He learns early that his fleshly attempts at holiness only result in pride and failure. The godly man learns that, as he surrenders his will to the Holy Spirit and relies upon Him for strength to overcome temptation, he can withstand more temptation and accomplish greater eternal goals than he ever thought possible (Philippians 4:13).

A godly man is one who has died to his flesh (Galatians 5:24). This does not mean he no longer faces temptation. It means that, when he is tempted, the decision about whether to give in has already been made. He relies on the power of the Holy Spirit to help him say “no” to his flesh and “yes” to the Spirit (1 Corinthians 10:13; Galatians 5:16). As he regularly opposes sin, he finds that his spirit grows stronger and temptation becomes easier to resist (Hebrews 10:23).

The godly man:
• repents when he sins (1 John 1:9)
• considers himself dead to sin but alive to God (Romans 6:1–4, 11)
• seeks to remain humble rather than exalt himself (Proverbs 27:2)
• is a servant rather than demanding that he be served (Mark 10:45)
• leads by example (1 Timothy 4:12)
• (if married) loves his wife as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25)
• lives in sexual purity, honoring God with his body (1 Corinthians 6:18; Romans 12:1–2)
• seeks to be continually filled with the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 5:18; Act 13:52; Galatians 5:25)
• desires to please the Lord more than himself (2 Corinthians 5:9)
• bears fruit for the kingdom of God (John 15:5–8)

A godly man is not a perfect man. We will never reach perfection until we are in the physical presence of Jesus (1 Corinthians 13:12; 1 John 3:2). But the godly man embraces his manhood and knows that Jesus, not the world, has set the standard for what it means to be a real man. So he strives daily to model his life after Jesus. He does not excuse the sins and weaknesses he finds in himself but continually surrenders those areas to God and asks for His help in overcoming them (Romans 6:11–14). Regardless of physical appearance, social status, or economic standing, any man can be a godly man if he loves God with all his heart and seeks to obey Him in every area of his life (Luke 10:27; Galatians 2:20).

For Further Study​

The ESV Study Bible

More insights from your Bible study - Get Started with Logos Bible Software for Free!

 

[Patriot]

What is spiritual dryness, and how can I overcome it?​

Answer

When people say they are “spiritually dry,” they usually mean they feel distant from God or are struggling to grow spiritually. They don’t see God working, the burdens of life press in, and they begin to feel discouraged. They search for God “in a dry and parched land where there is no water” (Psalm 63:1)—it is a time of spiritual dryness. There may be several reasons for spiritual dryness.

Sometimes spiritual dryness is due to personal sin. Sin can cause us to feel distant from God because we are attempting to live for ourselves instead of living for God. Unconfessed sin can cause us to lose the joy associated with our salvation (see Psalm 51:12). We can remedy the time of dryness by confessing our sin to God (see 1 John 1:9 and Psalm 32). And we must take God at His Word: “Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded” (James 4:8). To be “double-minded” is to maintain a dual loyalty, such as trying to serve both God and mammon (Matthew 6:24). Attempts to do so will dry us up spiritually.

Some people feel spiritually dry because of physical, mental, or emotional pain. When we are sick, it is often more difficult to focus on God or spiritual things. After Elijah defeated the prophets of Baal, he ran a great distance because he feared Queen Jezebel would put him to death (1 Kings 19:1–5). He was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted, and he wanted to die. God gave Elijah sustenance and rest (verses 5–8) and then used that time of weakness to work in Elijah’s life in a new way.

God sometimes allows a person to reach a low point before intervening in a powerful way. The time before that intervention can feel spiritually dry. The Israelites trapped by the Red Sea are an example (Exodus 14). The people were caught between Pharaoh’s army and the sea. There seemed to be no escape. God seemed to have led them into a death trap. Yet it was during this time God chose to intervene with a miracle that is still talked about thousands of years later: He divided the sea to allow the Israelites to escape on dry land!

God offers some solutions to our spiritual dryness. We have already noted God’s command to draw near to Him with the promise that He will draw near to us. In addition, we are called to seek God through His Word: “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16–17). In God’s Word we see the faithfulness, mercy, and love of God. It is God’s Word that sanctifies us (John 17:17).

A second way to overcome spiritual dryness is through prayer. Jeremiah 29:13 says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jesus taught in Matthew 7:7, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Persistence in prayer is a virtue (Luke 18:1).

A third way to overcome spiritual dryness is fellowship with other believers. One of the strengths of the early church was that they spent time with one another. Acts 2:46–47 notes, “Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.” God’s purpose for His people is koinonia, which involves fellowship, encouragement, and true relationships.

David was likely experiencing a time of spiritual dryness when he wrote this psalm:

“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?” (Psalm 13:1–2).

At the end of the same short psalm, we have a change in attitude:

“But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me” (Psalm 13:5–6).

How did David break out of his spiritual dryness? He trusted in God’s love; he chose to rejoice and sing, based on unchanging spiritual truth; and he remembered God’s goodness in the past.

Jesus promised, “Whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:14). Living water from our Lord is a sure cure for spiritual dryness.

For Further Study​

The Spirit-Filled Life: Discovering the Joy of Surrendering to the Holy Spirit by Charles Stanley

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[Patriot]

How can a Christian avoid being a doormat for other people?​

Answer

A doormat is a small rug placed just inside a doorway where people can wipe their dirty shoes before entering the house. The term doormat is also used figuratively to describe people who allow themselves to be (figuratively) walked on by others; that is, a doormat allows himself or herself to be abused, disparaged, or taken advantage of without mounting a defense. Since Jesus taught us to “turn the other cheek” (Matthew 5:39) and to “do good to those who hate you” (Luke 6:27), was He telling us to be doormats?

Jesus was not teaching His disciples to be doormats. Rather, He was teaching that, to glorify God and show ourselves to be His true children, we need to be pure inside and out and to be as accommodating as possible for the sake of a lost world. To “turn the other cheek” does not mean we place ourselves or others in danger or that we ignore injustice. When we are the objects of personal slights (“slaps on the cheek”), our first response is not to retaliate in kind. Being a doormat is weakness, but choosing forgiveness is strength. “A person’s wisdom yields patience; / it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11).

While we tend to focus on what we see, God is always looking at the heart (Jeremiah 17:10; John 2:25; 1 Samuel 16:7). Commands such as “do good to those who hate you” are geared toward the hearts of His followers. Jesus wants His love to be our primary motivation for everything we do (1 Corinthians 16:14; 1 Thessalonians 3:12). If we’re striving to do good to our enemies, we are refusing to allow vengeance or bitterness to take root in our hearts (Hebrews 12:15). God knows that our outward actions may not necessarily reflect our inward motivations, and it is those inward motivations that are most important to Him.

It may appear noble and Christlike when someone allows himself or herself to be used as a doormat, but there could also be a selfish reason behind it. For example, some people allow themselves to be doormats because of their own insecurities and low self-worth. They fear rejection, so they allow their personal boundaries to be violated by others in hopes they will be appreciated and loved. They are trying to gain validation by purchasing it with their compliance, in effect, expecting fallible people to tell them who they are instead of relying on God to do that. This rarely works, and the doormat feels worse than ever.

A Christian can avoid being a doormat by first understanding his or her true worth. Every human being is created in the image of God, to reflect His glory and beauty in unique ways (Genesis 1:27; 1 Corinthians 10:31). Superficial factors have no bearing on one’s value. If God does not count our inferior qualities against us, then we shouldn’t, either (Romans 8:31). Understanding that God has pronounced us righteous because of Jesus’ death and resurrection (2 Corinthians 5:21) should empower us to live in the freedom that brings. We are no one’s doormats; we are sons and daughters of the Most High God (Philippians 2:14–15; Ephesians 5:1).

Second, when a Christian practices being “crucified with Christ” (Galatians 2:20), the focus shifts from self to the Lord. Jesus, the true Servant of All, was not a doormat. He served freely but never allowed people to take from Him what He was not ready to give. At one point, crowds tried to throw Him over a cliff (Luke 4:29). Another time, they wanted to make Him king (John 6:15). Because neither was God’s plan for Him, Jesus merely slipped away. He refused to be their doormat.

Third, Christians can seek wise counsel about boundary-setting. The Bible is a book of boundaries and consequences. Healthy boundaries make for healthy relationships. The word no is powerful. We need to learn that enabling the sins or irresponsibility of others is not loving; it is self-indulgent. Selfish fear, rooted in a desire for others to love, appreciate, or need us, propels us to rescue those who should experience their own consequences. Wise boundaries free others to reap the consequences they have earned and, hopefully, to learn from those consequences. When asked to violate a boundary, an otherwise submissive person can be empowered to take a right stand with a polite “no.” God loves us, but He is not afraid to say “no” when He needs to. Doormats are generally people who are afraid to say “no” when they need to. Recognizing why we are afraid can be a big step in overcoming that handicap.

Early childhood trauma can entrap some people in an unhealthy submissive role, convincing them that their lot in life is to be a doormat. They may have witnessed a parent modeling the behavior of a doormat and assume they have no choice but to do likewise. Biblical counseling can help people who feel powerless to stop being doormats. They can learn to reject the lies Satan has embedded in their souls and renew their minds with God’s truth (Romans 12:1–2).

For Further Study​

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are by Lysa TerKeurst

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[Patriot]

What is spiritual direction?​

Answer

It has become popular in modern times to be “spiritual but not religious.” People who describe themselves this way often use the word spiritual to mean “in touch with one’s own spirit, the spirits of others, or some Higher Power or Spirit that inhabits the universe.” Of course, to claim this kind of spirituality, one does not need to be part of an organized religion or hold to any specific doctrine about God, sin, salvation, heaven, hell, or Jesus. In fact, those who are “spiritual but not religious” usually view doctrine as limiting and divisive. Religion separates, according to this type of thinking; spirituality brings us together.

A spiritual director, also called a spiritual companion or soul shepherd, is someone who helps another person get in touch with the True Self and be more aware of God’s presence—whoever “God” may be. The process of spiritual direction involves an exploration of a deeper spirituality, an expansion of one’s perspective, and an experience of God’s love and grace.

Spiritual direction has its roots in Catholic mysticism but has been embraced by the emergent church and thus has made inroads into Protestantism. Other religions offer their own spiritual directors, and so it is possible to find spiritual directors who serve under a label of Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Jewish, etc. “Denominational” spiritual directors will operate within the context of their particular religion but focus on the more mystical and personal interactions with the Divine. Spiritual direction will most likely focus on contemplative prayer, meditation, and other mystical aspects while avoiding judgment or dogmatism of any kind. Ironically, a spiritual director will offer little actual direction, opting to listen and ask questions over giving advice. Spiritual direction is not concerned with solving specific problems.

Spiritual direction involves people communicating their spiritual experiences for the purpose of awakening to the mystery within and the wonder without. Spiritual directors use conversation, silence, and suggestion to help others see how God (or a Higher Power) is working in and through the various circumstances of life. Spiritual directors usually meet with directees weekly in a quiet place that lends itself to contemplation.

There is nothing wrong with the concept of spiritual direction, per se. All of us need help developing spiritually, and, if we are growing in the right direction, following the Word of God, it is a good thing. The main problem with most of what is called spiritual direction today is the emphasis on personal experience over the Word of God as the final authority. While anything “spiritual” may be more appealing than materialism and consumerism, spiritual direction can be seen as consumerism on a spiritual level. With the help of a spiritual director, the directee picks and chooses the experiences he finds most meaningful and seeks to interpret them based on what feels best. Spiritual direction is mysticism seeking a spiritual experience minus the doctrinal content.

The Bible teaches that our most basic need is not getting in touch with our True Self but new life in Christ. Apart from Christ, we are spiritually dead because of our sin (Ephesians 2:1). We need spiritual life that can only come from God through faith in Christ (Ephesians 2:6–7). Those who are “raised with Christ” (Colossians 3:1) are born again and indwelt by the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is the ultimate Spiritual Director (see Romans 8:14), and He will always glorify Jesus (John 16:14) and direct us to become more like Christ (Ephesians 4:15).

The Bible does call for “spiritual directors” of a sort. They are called pastors (shepherds), elders, or overseers, and they must meet specific qualifications (see 1 Peter 5:2–4, Titus 1:5–9, and 1 Timothy 3:1–7). Further, all believers are to help each other move in the right spiritual direction:

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (Hebrews 10:24–25)

Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. (Colossians 3:16)

The fellowship of the local church is the context for spiritual direction and growth. Those who are seeking spiritual direction should get involved in a local church where the Bible is clearly taught and obeyed and where people help each other to “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:18).

The Bible will consistently point us in the right direction (Psalm 119:105), and a Spirit-filled local pastor has all the makings of a qualified spiritual director. The propositional truth in the Bible should take priority over mystical or personal experiences.

For Further Study​

The ESV Study Bible

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