* ALL Questions about Relationships *

[Patriot]

Can you give me some Christian relationship advice?

Answer

We often receive questions along the lines of: "I am interested in two different guys...which one should I choose to be my boyfriend?" Or, "I am in a relationship and my girlfriend did/said '_____'; so, should I break up with her?" These types of questions are very difficult for us to answer. GotQuestions.org is not a Christian relationship advice ministry. We will always strive to tell you what the Bible has to say about a given situation. However, in regards to relationship advice issues, the Bible rarely specifically addresses the situations we are asked about. The Bible is far more concerned with our relationship with God.

We are very reluctant to give relationship advice. It is difficult to give wise counsel to a personal issue through an article. It is exceedingly difficult to give Christian relationship advice when we do not personally know the people involved, we are not receiving all of the details, and/or we are only receiving one side of the story. We do not presume to speak for God in giving authoritative relationship advice to Christians.

With that said, what is our advice? It is our advice that you speak with God about your relationship. Pray to the Lord, asking Him to clearly reveal to you what He would have you do (Philippians 4:6-7). Ask God to give you wisdom and discernment (James 1:5). God promises to grant prayer requests that are asked according to His will (1 John 5:14-15). Being wise and discerning are most definitely God’s will. God wants you to make good relationship decisions. God desires Christians to be joyous and edified as a result of their relationships. If you ask God with an open heart and humble spirit, He will give you the relationship advice you need.

Finally, find wise counsel with mature Christians who have been married for many years and have walked with God all that time. Seek guidance from your pastor, elders or other mature church leaders. Their years of experience enable them to speak from wisdom and the knowledge of God in their lives.

For Further Study

Restoring Broken Relationships: The Path to Peace and Forgiveness by Neil Anderson

The Ten Commandments of Dating by Young & Adams

The Quest Study Bible: Answers to Thousands of Your Questions About the Bible

 

[Patriot]

Is it right for a Christian to date or marry a non-Christian?

Answer

For a Christian to marry a non-Christian is not really an option if the Christian is to remain obedient to the Lord. For a Christian to date a non-Christian is less problematic, but still unwise, given that the ultimate intent of dating is to find a marriage partner.

A Christian considering marriage has some clear guidance in 2 Corinthians 6:14, which says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” The imagery comes straight from the farm: if two incompatible animals are sharing the same yoke, they will be constantly working against each other. It’s much better to yoke similar animals. The illustration has a spiritual application: two people united in some way and working closely together should be of like nature and share similar spiritual goals. It won’t do to tie oneself to an unbeliever and expect good results.

To be fair to the text, 2 Corinthians 6 does not specifically mention marriage, but it certainly has implications for marriage. What closer yoke can there be than the marriage bond? For a Christian to knowingly enter a marriage union with an unbeliever is to be “unequally yoked,” to use the ESV’s wording. Instead of a match made in heaven, it will be a mismatch made on earth. The same passage pointedly asks, “What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” (2 Corinthians 6:15).

So, what about a Christian dating a non-Christian? They aren’t being “yoked together,” so the command of 2 Corinthians 6:14 would not seem to apply. However, there are other considerations:

First, for a Christian to date a non-Christian is inadvisable because of the purpose of dating. If, as mentioned, dating is the precursor of marriage, then dating a non-Christian would be a dead-end relationship, romantically. With no biblical marriage possible, a Christian would have no reason to date a non-Christian. If you don’t want to catch a fish, don’t throw your line in the water.

Second, matters of the heart have a way of blinding us to other priorities. We see this in the lives of Samson, who, for all his strength, kept falling in love with the wrong women (Judges 14:1–3; 16:4); and King Solomon, who, for all his wisdom, allowed himself to be swayed into sinful behavior (1 Kings 11:4). Romantic attachment is a powerful force, and it can overwhelm sound judgment and godly commitment.

Third, the Bible says, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character’” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Of course, not all non-Christians can be called “bad company” in that not all exert an overtly negative influence. But there’s an underlying spiritual principle always at work: light and darkness do not mix (2 Corinthians 6:14). The unbeliever is “darkness,” and the believer is “light in the Lord.” We are called to “live as children of light” (Ephesians 5:8). At the very least, the believer and unbeliever will probably have different views of what dating should be. Having any kind of close, romantic relationship with an unbeliever invites trouble and carries the risk of turning into something that hinders one’s walk with Christ.

Some Christians engage in “missionary dating,” which is a Christian dating a non-Christian with the goal of leading that person to faith in Christ. Evangelizing someone is a noble goal, and there are doubtless cases in which individuals have been saved through missionary dating, but it’s not really the goal of a dating relationship. For the three reasons discussed above, missionary dating is not a good idea.

Deciding whether to date a non-Christian is not just a relational choice; there are spiritual choices to be made, as well, regarding an uncompromised faith. We can and should build quality friendships with unbelievers, but that is as far as it should go. We are in spiritual union with other believers in the Body of Christ (Romans 12:5), and our most important relationships should be with fellow believers.

For Further Study

The Ten Commandments of Dating by Young & Adams

The Quest Study Bible: Answers to Thousands of Your Questions About the Bible