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By Cory Silverberg
Cory Silverberg is an educator, author, and speaker with a passion for teaching people of all ages about gender and sexuality.
Updated May 23, 2019
xxxxxxx
If you’ve got the basics of performing cunnilingus down, and are looking for some advanced tips check out the techniques below. Keep in mind that technique alone is never enough. All the right moves without heat or heart can still come off feeling cold.
Remember Your ABCs
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Image Source/Getty Images
It may sound silly but this is one of the best ways to discover new tongue movements and pacing that work for your partner. Use your tongue to "spell" out the alphabet, starting with A and ending with Z, on your partner's vulva and clitoris. Avoid focussing so much on keeping track of what letter you're on that you stop enjoying yourself or paying attention. But pay attention enough to know which letter you were spelling out when things started heating up.
Look Her in the Eye
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Emelie Ollila/Moment Open/Getty Images
Don't stare her down, but making eye contact (at least if your partner is sighted) can be a powerful way to stay connected while you're going down on her. Some people won't like any eye contact but for others, it can be a huge turn on to see the pleasure on your partners face and for them to see you enjoying giving them pleasure.
Depending on the physical positioning and the energy between you and your partner eye contact may also play into a dominant/submissive role play that is either explicit or implicit.
Let Her Move Around You
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Tanya Constantine/Blend Images/Getty Images
If your partner isn't comfortable giving you a lot of verbal instruction she may move her body so your tongue is in the right spot. Pay attention to how your partner is moving and don’t assume it's random writhing. If you think your partner is hesitant to offer instruction, you can also prep them before by saying, "I'd like you to tell me what works and doesn't, or show me if you don’t want to say it."
The Many Sides of Your Tongue
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PM/Image Bank/Getty Images
Your tongue is an amazing thing and not just because of the way it can move. There are dozens of different feelings you can create by using different parts of your tongue. Notice how your partner responds to the flat part of your tongue, to the sides of your tongue, to the tip of your tongue. Also, notice how you can change the way the tip feels by extending it and making it firmer. There's no one tongue part or move, the trick is to try a lot of different things and find what works for her.
About Face
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William King/Stone /Getty Images
Don't make the mistake of thinking that cunnilingus is only about the tongue. You can use other parts of your body to stimulate your partner's genitals as well. Your nose, your cheeks, and your chin all create different sensations and pressures when brushed against or rhythmically rubbing along the vulva and clitoris. Some people get really turned on by knowing that their partner is fully engaged in what they’re doing. Using your whole face demonstrates that kind of commitment.
Penetration
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Rolfo Brenner/EyeEm/Getty Images
This is one of those "not for everyone" techniques, but some people really love the feeling of their partner's tongue penetrating them. Obviously even with the longest tongue, tongue penetration only goes so deep. But for some folks, it's a technique that - at the right moment and for a limited time - feels intense and wonderful. As always, every person is different. But many women say a fast in-out motion isn't as good as a slow undulating and unfolding kind of penetration.
Humming and Moaning
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Ron Krisel/Stone/Getty Images
If you're performing oral sex on a woman, the noises you make can add to the experience. If you’re feeling turned on, moaning lets your partner know and they may be able to relax even more into the experience knowing your right there with them and not just doing something out of obligation. When you moan or even hum a tune, the vibrations on your lips and your out breath creates a sensation that can be felt by your partner. Whistling isn't recommended, but you can experiment with different pitches of moaning and notice how a long, low, guttural moan feels different than faster, higher pitched noises.
Sucking vs Licking
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mediaphotos/E+/Getty Images
You can create lots of sensations when you bring your tongue, lips, and entire mouth into the equation. After you've got your partner warmed up, playing with suction can be another way to intensify the experience. You can take labia or even the clitoris into your mouth and gently create a sucking sensation. Some people will like a powerful sucking and others may just want a hint of it. With a part of your partner in your mouth, you can add sensation by moving your tongue inside your mouth.
Ice Cubes
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Javi Tejedor Calleja/EyeEm/Getty Images
Ice cubes are a fun way to play with temperature during cunnilingus. Be aware that if you hold an ice cube on any part of the body for a while, it will create a temporary numbness. So if the goal is to increase sensation and sensitivity, you want to keep the ice moving. Having a glass with some ice cubes nearby but out of sight, and then slipping one in your mouth at some point to use during oral sex can be surprising and exciting. If you can do it comfortably, try having an ice cube in your mouth and alternating between having it touch your partner while you’re using your mouth and then hiding it in your cheek.
Adding Sex Toys
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Laurence Dutton/The Image Bank/Getty Images
Adding sex toys to oral sex is one of the fastest ways to take it to the next level. There are toys designed for use during oral sex that are worn on the tongue. These have many problems, but some people seem to make them work. For something more versatile, have a small vibrator for external stimulation that you can move around while giving oral sex, or a dildo that you can use for penetration are both popular additions that many women enjoy.
Exploit the Power Dynamic
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Martin Diebel/Getty Images
There's an exchange of power in every sexual interaction. And in most hot sex there is vulnerability (physical, emotional, spiritual). Arguably the power dynamics are heightened during cunnilingus, where one partner is so much serving the other. This can be something to exploit (as long as you're both on board and its consensual exploitation). Whether that means adding dirty talk or exploring sexual fantasy role play or simply playing out a fantasy in your mind, the physical positioning alone of going down on someone can be rich fodder for exploring the sexual power of power.
Cory Silverberg is an educator, author, and speaker with a passion for teaching people of all ages about gender and sexuality.
Updated May 23, 2019
xxxxxxx
If you’ve got the basics of performing cunnilingus down, and are looking for some advanced tips check out the techniques below. Keep in mind that technique alone is never enough. All the right moves without heat or heart can still come off feeling cold.
Remember Your ABCs
It may sound silly but this is one of the best ways to discover new tongue movements and pacing that work for your partner. Use your tongue to "spell" out the alphabet, starting with A and ending with Z, on your partner's vulva and clitoris. Avoid focussing so much on keeping track of what letter you're on that you stop enjoying yourself or paying attention. But pay attention enough to know which letter you were spelling out when things started heating up.
Look Her in the Eye
Don't stare her down, but making eye contact (at least if your partner is sighted) can be a powerful way to stay connected while you're going down on her. Some people won't like any eye contact but for others, it can be a huge turn on to see the pleasure on your partners face and for them to see you enjoying giving them pleasure.
Depending on the physical positioning and the energy between you and your partner eye contact may also play into a dominant/submissive role play that is either explicit or implicit.
Let Her Move Around You
If your partner isn't comfortable giving you a lot of verbal instruction she may move her body so your tongue is in the right spot. Pay attention to how your partner is moving and don’t assume it's random writhing. If you think your partner is hesitant to offer instruction, you can also prep them before by saying, "I'd like you to tell me what works and doesn't, or show me if you don’t want to say it."
The Many Sides of Your Tongue
Your tongue is an amazing thing and not just because of the way it can move. There are dozens of different feelings you can create by using different parts of your tongue. Notice how your partner responds to the flat part of your tongue, to the sides of your tongue, to the tip of your tongue. Also, notice how you can change the way the tip feels by extending it and making it firmer. There's no one tongue part or move, the trick is to try a lot of different things and find what works for her.
About Face
Don't make the mistake of thinking that cunnilingus is only about the tongue. You can use other parts of your body to stimulate your partner's genitals as well. Your nose, your cheeks, and your chin all create different sensations and pressures when brushed against or rhythmically rubbing along the vulva and clitoris. Some people get really turned on by knowing that their partner is fully engaged in what they’re doing. Using your whole face demonstrates that kind of commitment.
Penetration
This is one of those "not for everyone" techniques, but some people really love the feeling of their partner's tongue penetrating them. Obviously even with the longest tongue, tongue penetration only goes so deep. But for some folks, it's a technique that - at the right moment and for a limited time - feels intense and wonderful. As always, every person is different. But many women say a fast in-out motion isn't as good as a slow undulating and unfolding kind of penetration.
Humming and Moaning
If you're performing oral sex on a woman, the noises you make can add to the experience. If you’re feeling turned on, moaning lets your partner know and they may be able to relax even more into the experience knowing your right there with them and not just doing something out of obligation. When you moan or even hum a tune, the vibrations on your lips and your out breath creates a sensation that can be felt by your partner. Whistling isn't recommended, but you can experiment with different pitches of moaning and notice how a long, low, guttural moan feels different than faster, higher pitched noises.
Sucking vs Licking
You can create lots of sensations when you bring your tongue, lips, and entire mouth into the equation. After you've got your partner warmed up, playing with suction can be another way to intensify the experience. You can take labia or even the clitoris into your mouth and gently create a sucking sensation. Some people will like a powerful sucking and others may just want a hint of it. With a part of your partner in your mouth, you can add sensation by moving your tongue inside your mouth.
Ice Cubes
Ice cubes are a fun way to play with temperature during cunnilingus. Be aware that if you hold an ice cube on any part of the body for a while, it will create a temporary numbness. So if the goal is to increase sensation and sensitivity, you want to keep the ice moving. Having a glass with some ice cubes nearby but out of sight, and then slipping one in your mouth at some point to use during oral sex can be surprising and exciting. If you can do it comfortably, try having an ice cube in your mouth and alternating between having it touch your partner while you’re using your mouth and then hiding it in your cheek.
Adding Sex Toys
Adding sex toys to oral sex is one of the fastest ways to take it to the next level. There are toys designed for use during oral sex that are worn on the tongue. These have many problems, but some people seem to make them work. For something more versatile, have a small vibrator for external stimulation that you can move around while giving oral sex, or a dildo that you can use for penetration are both popular additions that many women enjoy.
Exploit the Power Dynamic
There's an exchange of power in every sexual interaction. And in most hot sex there is vulnerability (physical, emotional, spiritual). Arguably the power dynamics are heightened during cunnilingus, where one partner is so much serving the other. This can be something to exploit (as long as you're both on board and its consensual exploitation). Whether that means adding dirty talk or exploring sexual fantasy role play or simply playing out a fantasy in your mind, the physical positioning alone of going down on someone can be rich fodder for exploring the sexual power of power.
