http://www.divaasia.com/article/17250
Mon, Jun 18, 2012
Philippine Daily Inquirer
'I can't wait for husband to die'
My husband had a stroke three months ago, and I cannot wait for him to die.
We've been married 35 years and all those years were miserable and bitter in my memory. I was a docile wife who waited on and catered to my husband's every whim. But he repaid it horribly by being an awful husband. He battered me physically and emotionally. He disrespected and humiliated me in front of his women. He went from one girlfriend to another, had five children out of wedlock, and only cared for himself.
We had three children and he was not even a good father to them. I don't think he even remembered our children's birthdays. He was constantly out of the house and he was so creative, he could have written a book of excuses from A to Z. My children got so used to his absence that they have stopped expecting him at home or during family gatherings. We created our little family ourselves, without him. Thankfully, he gave us monthly spending money.
Then, a year and a half ago, without warning, this man who was full of life collapsed in the company of one of his girlfriends. He was brought to the hospital and I had to go as the wife. He had a massive stroke that left him paralyzed and unable to talk. It's only his eyes that can seem to communicate. Our children barred any visits from any of his girlfriends. I think his women were just too happy to dump him on us after he became useless to them.
He has round-the-clock nurses to care for him. My visits are half-hearted and robot-like, just to see if there's anything needed. I didn't even shed crocodile tears or utter consoling words to him. He has left my life a long time ago, and there's just no sympathy or empathy left in me anymore. Friends are shocked at how callous I act. Some say I should show more concern and pity. I'm done with that. My tears have dried up and I just see a useless man waiting for his death. He broke my heart and turned it into stone. He stole my youth. I am what I am because of him.
Am I committing a sin being hard on my husband? What do you think my karma will be?
-Stone Heart
