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- Aug 20, 2022
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Terrified of being caught… but so happy.
In My FeelsI am a current OW. Over 5 years we have gone back and forth. In the fall we had a huge fight that we both decided to end it. What complicates our relationship is that we are in a very tight social circle and have been friends a long time. After our breakup, we found ourselves alone. We decided to have one more night of intimacy. It was possibly the best time we ever had (until that point).
After a week of sweetness we had a talk. For the first time in 5 years- we both felt like we were finally on the same page- and neither of us actually wanted the breakup- so we chose to keep going.
At first it was slow. We always said he would never leave his wife- and while there are feelings- and we even say I love you, he considers the affair to be mostly sexual. He can admit that even during our breakups our affair was always emotional as well- but he feels guilty- and says he will never leave.
A couple months into finally being in a good place- we had escalated. We used to just touch and be intimate if we could get alone naturally. We spoke daily- saw each other a few times a month on our social circle- but now we started to make plans to find a way to be together. It went from about 1-2 times a month- to once a week or more sometimes. It started getting intense. I felt like everyone around us could probably tell and it made me nervous.
About a month ago- he whispered in my ear that I looked beautiful and sexy and then added “I’m going to leave my wife for you.” He INSTANTLY took it back- but it was out there- and I can never unhear it.
The only person that has started to ask questions is his daughter. She has asked multiple times if he has a girlfriend or if he has more than friendly feelings for me. He tells me he says “of course not,” but idk what else he says and I’d love to know.
About 2 months ago he got caught by his son “smiling at his phone” and swiping away. At this point it’s nerve wrecking. I feel like it’s a matter of time before we are caught. We will blow up his family, mutual friendships- and possibly our careers.
We still don’t want to end it. It’s scary. I’m terrified- but deeply in love at this point.
I don’t know the end goal- but things have been downright magical. This past week we were supposed to go out to a bar with friends. Everyone dropped out but us two- and it became a legitimate date. We realized and he took me out to dinner instead. He even said “it’s like we are on a date, and it’s nice.” We had never had a date like that. We ended up at my home- having truly the very best night we have ever had.
Since then- we have seen each other daily and it’s been so romantic and sweet. This change up from
Flirty and sexual and being secret best friends has become romantic and magical… and I can’t stop feeling like we are a train wreck headed for a crash.
I’m terrified of what will happen if we get caught. I’m afraid he will blame me and cut me off and I will lose my career and all of my friends at once. I’ll never leave him though. I feel like the risk is worth it. But when I can’t sleep at night- like tonight- I worry that it will crash down and I will be the only one to pay.
Those who have ended it even though it was downright beautiful- how did you do it? I don’t have any hope we can actually stop- unless we go NC. But it’s near impossible with our friend group and shared activities unless I just start all over and never explain to anyone (but I feel like they will know!)
HELP
