Redditer: Dating in your 30s: when owning a house becomes a complication instead of a plus

[Flibbertigibbet]

Dating in your 30s: when owning a house becomes a complication instead of a plus​

I need advice!
Something quite ironic I’ve been noticing among people dating in their 30s in Singapore.

In many places (for example in China), one of the first practical questions for long-term dating is literally “有房吗?” which is asking do you have a house, to even consider dating someone.

Property ownership signals stability and makes someone more attractive as a partner. But in Singapore, it sometimes feels like the opposite is happening.
Because of how our housing policies and grants are structured, I’m seeing situations like:

• People eliminating dates who already bought a resale/BTO because they want to buy a flat together with a future spouse.
• Some singles hesitant to date someone with property because it complicates future BTO eligibility or upgrading plans.
• Peers literally stating dating criteria such as “must be okay that I already booked my own HDB flat” as a dating disclaimer.
• Those with own HDB often say there isn't much need or desire to date or settle down anymore.

I also heard of guys being put off by ladies who already have her own small condo as it is too small and affects HDB housing plans.

A recent example: a friend in his 30s already booked his own HDB flat. He just went on a date with a lady who is waiting for the outcome of her Singles 2-room flexi BTO, and he has asked her out for a second date. Both are perfectly reasonable decisions individually. But structurally, it creates this awkward situation where housing status suddenly becomes a dating compatibility issue.

So paradoxically: Elsewhere → owning property = stability, green flag. Singapore → sometimes owning property = logistical complication in dating.

It also doesn’t help that some folks are still very set on marrying/ROM mainly for housing pathways, even if they’re childfree or DINK (dual income, no kids) by choice.

The housing structure still heavily centres couples, so people end up aligning relationship decisions with property eligibility rather than purely personal preference.
I also have peers who are deciding whether to buy house together or separately as they are not rushing to marry. And some in relationship who want to buy own house and not marrying at all.

People are just navigating the incentives created by the system. But it does make dating conversations weirdly transactional sometimes.

For me, my goal is to get my own flat and a partner who preferrably has his own flat and we just be together for companionship and unmarried DINKs. Living apart Together (LAT) is ideal.

Curious if other people in their 30s have run into similar situations where housing policy ends up affecting dating plans?

 

[rocket]

Dating in your 30s: when owning a house becomes a complication instead of a plus​

I need advice!
Something quite ironic I’ve been noticing among people dating in their 30s in Singapore.

In many places (for example in China), one of the first practical questions for long-term dating is literally “有房吗?” which is asking do you have a house, to even consider dating someone.

Property ownership signals stability and makes someone more attractive as a partner. But in Singapore, it sometimes feels like the opposite is happening.
Because of how our housing policies and grants are structured, I’m seeing situations like:

• People eliminating dates who already bought a resale/BTO because they want to buy a flat together with a future spouse.
• Some singles hesitant to date someone with property because it complicates future BTO eligibility or upgrading plans.
• Peers literally stating dating criteria such as “must be okay that I already booked my own HDB flat” as a dating disclaimer.
• Those with own HDB often say there isn't much need or desire to date or settle down anymore.

I also heard of guys being put off by ladies who already have her own small condo as it is too small and affects HDB housing plans.

A recent example: a friend in his 30s already booked his own HDB flat. He just went on a date with a lady who is waiting for the outcome of her Singles 2-room flexi BTO, and he has asked her out for a second date. Both are perfectly reasonable decisions individually. But structurally, it creates this awkward situation where housing status suddenly becomes a dating compatibility issue.

So paradoxically: Elsewhere → owning property = stability, green flag. Singapore → sometimes owning property = logistical complication in dating.

It also doesn’t help that some folks are still very set on marrying/ROM mainly for housing pathways, even if they’re childfree or DINK (dual income, no kids) by choice.

The housing structure still heavily centres couples, so people end up aligning relationship decisions with property eligibility rather than purely personal preference.
I also have peers who are deciding whether to buy house together or separately as they are not rushing to marry. And some in relationship who want to buy own house and not marrying at all.

People are just navigating the incentives created by the system. But it does make dating conversations weirdly transactional sometimes.

For me, my goal is to get my own flat and a partner who preferrably has his own flat and we just be together for companionship and unmarried DINKs. Living apart Together (LAT) is ideal.

Curious if other people in their 30s have run into similar situations where housing policy ends up affecting dating plans?

The mortgage loan affects quality of life.

 

[eatshitndie]

sinkie chinks are like tiongs when it cums to mate (for life) selection. must have a home to feel safe and secured. they haven’t grown out of the tiongsua coolie syndrome even after 6.9 generations in sinkapour. the rom-hdb-bto scheme is a debt trap, and they blindly fall for it like lemmings crawling over a cliff. 69% of sinkies are truly pathetic and can’t rid themselves off a cultish, hynoptic trance.

 

[jurongkechil]

Use condom, so that the result be less harsh.

 

[batman1]

Some couples register under the hdb fiance/fiancee scheme.By the time before they get the keys ,they broke up.They cannot withstand the financial pressures of life.555

 

[eatshitndie]

Some couples register under the hdb fiance/fiancee scheme.By the time before they get the keys ,they broke up.They cannot withstand the financial pressures of life.555

to help pregnancy rates among these couples they should rent out unused hdb rooms for $69 a piak for 6.9 years while they wait for keys. why deprive them of privacy and small space for pre-wedding cumsummation?
space

 

[batman1]

to help pregnancy rates among these couples they should rent out unused hdb rooms for $69 a piak for 6.9 years while they wait for keys. why deprive them of privacy and small space for pre-wedding cumsummation?
space

U are too kind.Hdb will inform u that u should rent a hdb flat at market rates in the hdb market.

 

[tobelightlight]

sinkie chinks are like tiongs when it cums to mate (for life) selection. must have a home to feel safe and secured. they haven’t grown out of the tiongsua coolie syndrome even after 6.9 generations in sinkapour. the rom-hdb-bto scheme is a debt trap, and they blindly fall for it like lemmings crawling over a cliff. 69% of sinkies are truly pathetic and can’t rid themselves off a cultish, hynoptic trance.

I will ask her if she is vaccinated or not. I dun screw a vaccinated pussy.

 

[eatshitndie]

I will ask her if she is vaccinated or not. I dun screw a vaccinated pussy.

sometime somewhere she is vaccinated with measles, rubella, mumps vaccine before 6.9 months old.

 

[congo9]

Getting married is complicated.