A woman still needs a man

[blackmondy]

A CAQ also needs a man.

 

[tobelightlight]

 

[LITTLEREDDOT]

Woman sues ex-boyfriend for alleged rape; judge says she tampered with evidence​

Ms Yang Nan had tampered with the WeChat exchanges by deleting her side of the conversation and showing only the man’s messages. ST PHOTO: KELVIN CHNG

Selina Lum
Senior Law Correspondent

Feb 25, 2023

SINGAPORE - A woman claimed her former boyfriend had raped her, and presented numerous text messages as court exhibits to support her allegation that he had been harassing her as well.
But it turned out that Ms Yang Nan had tampered with the WeChat exchanges by deleting her side of the conversation and showing only the man’s messages.
This gave the false impression that Mr Li Shukai was sending multiple unwanted messages relentlessly.
The lawsuit was dismissed by a district judge, who found that Ms Yang had failed to prove her claim for damages.
“Not only was there an absence of any objective direct evidence of the alleged rape, the contemporaneous evidence contradicted the plaintiff’s explanation for what happened,” said Judge Allen Ng in a judgment published on Friday.
The judge also said Ms Yang had damaged her own credibility by tampering with evidence.
Ms Yang has filed an appeal against the decision.

Mr Li and Ms Yang met on Feb 14, 2018. They started texting each other on WeChat and had sex on Feb 27.
He said the encounter was consensual, but she said he raped her. Ms Yang claimed the incident caused her to suffer post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
But they continued to text each other and meet after the incident. He said it was because they were a couple, but she said it was because he threatened her.

On the evening of March 10, 2018 the pair went to Mr Li’s flat.
She alleged that he confined her until the afternoon of March 11 and assaulted, raped and injured her.
He said they had consensual sex and she voluntarily stayed the night. The pair continued to exchange messages and meet, but broke up in April 2018.

On May 2, 2018, Ms Yang lodged a police report saying she suspected that Mr Li was harassing her.
A day later, she made another report stating that her ex-boyfriend had sexually assaulted her.
Mr Li was investigated by the police, and no further action was taken.
He said Ms Yang sent him harassing messages, published defamatory posts and vandalised the walls outside his flat.
On Aug 19, 2020, Ms Yang sued Mr Li over several alleged incidents of rape.
Mr Li partly succeeded in striking out her claim, and the trial was limited to the March 10 incident for which she sued for assault, battery and false imprisonment.
Ms Yang asserted that Mr Li had twisted her wrist, ripped off her clothes and bit her breast.
She submitted a photograph of a foot which she said was scarred as a result of the incident, as well as a medical report which stated that she had a vaginal infection.
Judge Ng said the report did not prove she was raped.
The judge said the messages exchanged between the pair contradicted Ms Yang’s claim that she was a victim who was agreeing to an aggressor’s demands out of fear.

The messages immediately after the alleged rape also did not indicate she was in fear – the pair had exchanged affectionate emojis on the night of March 11.
Ms Yang submitted 30 pages of messages which gave the impression that she was ignoring Mr Li.
When Mr Li’s lawyer Riyach Hussain confronted Ms Yang with the full exchange from his client, she admitted she had deleted her own messages.
She said she deleted them “so that the conversation will appear to be more complete” and because she wanted “all the conversation to be reflected in this screenshot”.

 

[blackmondy]

Dumb ATB no brains, just like Winnie Xi. Think deleting msg on her side means other party will also be deleted.

 

[LITTLEREDDOT]

PRC WOMAN SMASHED S’PORE EX-BF’S CAR & HOUSE WITH GOLF CLUB, JAILED 2 WEEKS​

ByKanyeNorth

June 28, 2023

A 36-year-old Chinese national, Zhou Dani, had been involved in a relationship with her Singaporean lover for over four years. Despite knowing that he was married and had a child, Zhou believed that he would ultimately choose to settle down with her.
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However, in late 2020, she discovered that he had been seeing another woman, which caused their relationship to deteriorate further. By August 2021, her lover expressed his desire to end the affair.
In an attempt to salvage their relationship, Zhou Dani decided to pay a visit to her lover’s house in September 2021. She hoped to discuss the two children she claimed to have had with him during their affair.
Zhou demanded through WhatsApp for him to come out of his house, but he refused. Determined to be heard, Zhou repeatedly pressed the doorbell, drawing the attention of his family members.
As Zhou’s ex-lover remained inside the house, urging her not to cause a disturbance, she climbed over the metal gate of the property. Once inside, she sent him a close-up photograph of his car and main door, along with threatening messages. She vowed to “crush” his car and even threatened harm to his mother if he did not comply.

In a fit of rage, Zhou grabbed one of his golf clubs and proceeded to smash his car’s body, windows, and door. Unfortunately, the golf club itself was destroyed during the act.
During Zhou’s destructive rampage, her ex-lover contacted the police, referring to her as a “lady stalker” who had invaded his home.
When the authorities arrived at the scene, Zhou was still in the process of damaging her ex-lover’s house. However, she ceased her destructive actions upon the police’s orders and was subsequently arrested.
It is worth noting that Zhou admitted to consuming alcohol before the incident.
Following the incident, Zhou Dani was charged with mischief, criminal trespass, and criminal intimidation. After pleading guilty to two of the charges and with the third charge taken into consideration, she was sentenced to two weeks’ imprisonment. Additionally, she was ordered to compensate her ex-lover for the damages caused.

The damages resulting from Zhou’s violent outburst were substantial. The estimated cost of repairs amounted to approximately S$18,361.67. This included the expenses for repairing the car, replacing the house window, and the value of the broken golf club.
During the legal proceedings, Zhou Dani’s mental health came under scrutiny. A private psychiatrist diagnosed her with adjustment disorder, which prompted the court to order a Mandatory Treatment Order (MTO) Suitability Report.
However, a psychiatrist from the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) opined that Zhou was unsuitable for MTO. The IMH psychiatrist emphasized that Zhou’s actions were more influenced by alcohol intoxication than her adjustment disorder.
Zhou Dani has filed an appeal against her sentence and the compensation order. At present, she is out on bail pending the outcome of her appeal.

 

[Robert Half]

An average joe who can provide financial support to a woman that is unable to work for a long term for whatever reasons. He is considered to be a good & useful man

 

[tobelightlight]

An average joe who can provide financial support to a woman that is unable to work for a long term for whatever reasons. He is considered to be a good & useful man

Who the hell wanna be useful to a woman or used by a woman. Women degrade until like this to treat men as a tool to be used.

 

[Robert Half]

Who the hell wanna be useful to a woman or used by a woman. Women degrade until like this to treat men as a tool to be used.

The main objective of women finding a guy to get married is $$$ first then love.

I had encountered smart ladies & stupid women in my lifetimes. The silly women are the ones who dreaming marrying rich men but in the end they did not get married to the rich men & ended up with nothing with they reached their 40s.

 

[LITTLEREDDOT]

Call us alumni instead: Meet the women trying to reframe divorce​

Begin Again was started by (from left) Ms Elena Cheong, Ms Ang Li Tin and Ms Kellyn Tan.

Apr 19, 2025

SINGAPORE – From a distance, they look like any other friend group. Three women in their 30s and 40s, catching up over a cup of tea. They move with an easy intimacy, trading inside jokes, taking wefies, teasing one another.

But they did not meet at work or school or in the typical social settings where friendships solidify. In fact, if not for the dissolution of their respective marriages, their paths might never have crossed.

It was a January 2024 open call by local community platform Crane that brought them together. The social club had sought an “empathetic leader to build a supportive group for navigating the emotional roller coaster” of divorce.


The eldest of the three who stepped forward was Ms Kellyn Tan, 45, a financial adviser and mother of two, who left an “abusive” marriage in 2020 after 13 years. She teamed up with Ms Ang Li Tin, a 44-year-old divorcee who works in marketing, and designer Elena Cheong, 36, then in the process of finalising her divorce.

The trio, who named their support group Begin Again, organised their first session in March 2024. Since then, it has swelled to more than 30 members, as has the scope of its activities. The group consists mostly of Chinese professionals in their 30s to 50s, with women making up about 70 per cent of members.

They meet to go to the movies or to rock climb. There are dinner parties, hosted at Ms Ang’s home, as well as workshops covering a swathe of topics from travelling solo to legal advice.

Informal and intimate, a group for divorcees by divorcees – that is what the founders say sets them apart from the other support groups out there.

Recalls Ms Tan of the support group she attended on the recommendation of a Ministry of Social and Family Development counsellor: “It was very mechanical. They asked typical counsellor questions, but at that stage, you aren’t always in the right frame of mind for self-reflection. What’s missing isn’t actually the advice; it’s the community.”

And what community provides is perspective.

“Sometimes, you think your problems are very big, but then you hear that other people have experienced the same thing and realise it’s not that bad,” says Ms Ang.

Ms Tan adds: “Look at us, we’ve been through the fire and survived. So, our message to participants is that you’re going to make it through whatever you’re facing now, and come out on the other side even better than before.”

Blunting the stigma of divorce​

In recent years, significant strides have been made towards destigmatising divorce. Dr Paulin Straughan, Professor of Sociology (Practice) at Singapore Management University’s School of Social Sciences, believes the country has adopted a more progressive approach towards this issue.

“Singapore has, over time, shifted towards the stance where we see divorce as a chance for those in failed marriages to reconstitute happy families,” she says, adding that this shift went hand in hand with the evolving expectations of marriage.

With people increasingly marrying for love, companionship and fulfilment, the question of why they divorced is also thrown into question.

“Because if these personal expectations do not materialise, and one is unable to thrive in the relationship, society is more inclined to give the couple another chance at a happy marriage. So, when it’s framed that way, the stigmatisation eases off as well.”


Even the law has come to reflect these changing perceptions, with new provisions that take the sting out of splitting up. In 2015, a simplified track for divorces was launched, offering couples a quicker and less costly way of reaching an agreement.

And since mid-2024, couples can cite mutual agreement as grounds for divorce, a move aimed at minimising acrimony.

While MPs questioned in Parliament whether the latter would make divorce too easy, Prof Straughan argues that stigmatisation serves no functional purpose in deterring divorce.

“It doesn’t take away the sting of a broken marriage. That’s the important thing that people must remember. Just because it is easier to file for divorce and you can have a no-fault divorce does not take away the pain of the realisation that your forever after didn’t work out.”

Despite these measures, divorcees say the stench of failure lingers.

Ms Cheong, for one, is still learning to love herself. “In Singapore, you have a template for success – you buy a house, get married, get a job. If that’s done and my marriage doesn’t work out, what now? Am I really happy? So, I’m still trying to figure out who I am.”

Ms Ang, whose marriage officially ended in 2017, says: “There’s still a lot of shame surrounding divorce. People don’t want to talk about it. There’s the subtext that something broke and you failed to make it work.”

Occasionally, when out on dates, she wrestles with feeling like “damaged goods”.

One of Begin Again’s attendees, Mr Jake Huang, who works in an oil company, faces a similar challenge. “When I’m on dates and I tell people I got divorced, their expression changes or they ghost me.”

According to Ms Tan, it is this enduring stigma that discourages divorcees from seeking help or joining a support group.

But shame has no place in Begin Again. It is trying to reframe the conversation, first and foremost, with language. For starters, its leaders prefer terms with a more positive slant – alumni, survivors, peers, voices of reason. They are, however, split on the term “divorcee”.

“I wish that instead of ‘divorced’, my Singpass (digital identity) could just say I’m single again. I’ll still tell people that I got divorced, but it would help if I wasn’t labelled this way,” says Ms Cheong.


Likewise, when introducing herself, Ms Ang will mention that she “used to be married” instead.

Ms Tan, on the other hand, wears her new-found status with pride. “I’m okay with being known as a divorcee. It means I’ve gone through the fire. I know what it’s like to live with another person, sleep with another person, clear the c**p of another person. For me, being an alumnus of a bad relationship is a badge of honour.”

These days, she speaks with the confidence of one at peace with her decisions, but it took her many years to arrive at this state of self-assurance. She says her former husband abused her verbally, mentally and physically, but she “sucked it up” for the sake of her children.

After she finally plucked up the courage to file the papers, she found herself cut adrift. “I’m from Malaysia, so when I got divorced in Singapore, I had no support emotionally. I really wished I had someone to walk with. And it took me a long time to get over the shame.

“So, I told my lawyer that when I’m healed, I’m going to make sure no one has to go through what I did. And seeing the ad to start this group felt like a sign.”

Community that gets it​

In Ms Tan’s case, the divorce severed more than just her relationship. Her friends, too, slipped away. She and her former husband went to the same church and worked in the same pharmaceutical field, so their social circles overlapped. Many mutual friends took his side.

“I closed my Facebook for four years. I was totally isolated.”

Even those surrounded by friends and family might find it difficult to open up about the death of their marriage.

Take Mr Huang, for instance. At 30, he is the youngest among his friends to get divorced.

“It’s hard to get support from family and friends because they don’t understand what it’s like,” says the newly minted bachelor, who separated from his wife in October 2024 and is in the process of finalising his divorce.

“It’s the hardest with family because you don’t want them to worry too much, so you put on a front. And with my friends, they treat it like a break-up. But it’s not – it’s a lot worse than that. Life changes so drastically.”

Begin Again organises workshops and activities like movies and meals.

ST PHOTO: DESMOND WEE

The group, he says, has helped a lot just by being there. He has attended gym sessions, group dinners and a Christmas meet-up, organised because Ms Ang – who split from her husband during the year-end holidays – knows how crushing festive loneliness can feel.

“Because the founders themselves have gone through the process, this group feels different. They’re compassionate, they’re real,” says another attendee, Ms M.J. Wang, who got divorced in 2021.

The 53-year-old is one of Begin Again’s oldest members, but has no issue opening up to the 30somethings that dominate the group.

“We’re not all close friends, but a lot of our personal friends seem to be happily married or spending time with their kids, and can’t seem to understand when you tell them that this is happening,” says the mother of two, who works in the building industry.

“My kids are in their late teens and don’t need mummy anymore, so sometimes I can join this group impromptu. It’s quite healthy to have that social circle, especially for those who have lost friends in the process.”

Ms A.C. Chen, a manager in a multinational company in her 40s planning to file for divorce, is reluctant to confide in her friends. She does not want to have to explain herself or the status of her relationship.

“Even my best friend didn’t believe me at first when I told her how bad my marriage had become, so you can imagine how much harder it will be for my other friends to relate.”

But here, conversation is frank and participants are treated without kid gloves. They have a Telegram chat in which members can vent their worries and thoughts. When one of them starts to spiral, someone else will step in and reel him or her back to safety.

“We’ve all had moments of insecurity so we can tell them we’ve been through this too, and offer a different perspective,” says Ms Tan.

Ms Ang describes the group’s vibe as chatty, light-hearted and edged with dark humour. They do not claim to provide professional therapy, just peer support.

But their greatest strength is also a limitation of sorts. There are times when peer support simply will not cut it.

“We’re not trained, so for members who are stuck in the past, it’s hard for us to talk them out of their situation. At that level, you really need to seek help from a specialist,” says Ms Chen, who suggests professional counselling in such cases.

For those who are ready to move on, however, Begin Again is poised to help them rediscover the joy of new beginnings.

“We want to encourage them to go out. A lot of them might not know who they are outside their ex-spouses, or what they like, but I always say this is the time to discover and try new things,” says Ms Ang.

After all, divorce does not just mark the end of an era. It also offers a clean slate: the chance to redefine happiness.

Peer support groups​

Learn more about Begin Again at beginagainsg.com/happenings

Here are other peer support groups for those going through or recovering from a divorce.

Singapore Divorce Support Group​

With over 1,270 members, of which some 380 are active on WhatsApp, this is one of Singapore’s largest divorce peer support groups.

On average, it organises at least one group meet-up a month, which might include a karaoke session or communal meal. Physical activities like treks, badminton matches and cycling expeditions, as well as child-friendly activities, have also been explored.

For more information, go to meetup.com/sgdivorcesupport

Care Corner’s Support Groups for Men and Women​

The social service agency runs same-gender support groups. Facilitated by a counsellor, the sessions are safe spaces in which divorced individuals or those going through divorce can share their experiences, learn to regulate their emotions, cope with loss and rediscover themselves. The men’s programme runs on selected Thursdays in April, May and June, while the women meet from July to September. All sessions take place at Care Corner FAM@FSC (Woodlands).

For details, go to carecorner.org.sg/services/divorce-support

Transcending Divorce Group Support Programme
This is an online programme by Fei Yue Community Services, organised for those seeking emotional support after divorce.

Gender-specific sessions run by counsellors take place monthly and last 1½ hours each. Men meet on the first Monday of every month and women on the third Monday.

For more information, go to family-central.sg/courses/transcending-divorce-group-support

 

[Vlad Tepes]

I find women especially "lao kuey bus" like to broadcast everything little things in their effing little mundane lives. Women on this island have everything molly coddled for them from cradle to grave.

 

[WangChuk]

Call us alumni instead: Meet the women trying to reframe divorce​

Begin Again was started by (from left) Ms Elena Cheong, Ms Ang Li Tin and Ms Kellyn Tan.

Apr 19, 2025

Begin Again organises workshops and activities like movies and meals.

Wow ... Elena belly chio belly sexy siah ... how to kawan her and propose to marry her siah ....