He certainly is very intelligent. He is a President's scholar.
Talking to oneself is a troubling symptom of your personality disorder. We are well versed in treating your disease but only you can want to change. Trying to change the subject will not help.
You must face what tortures you.
As we have said, you are like a Plane flying through a storm. You cannot go above, below or around the storm.
The only way out is through. You must face your inner demons, and come to terms with how your caregivers have abused you in your childhood.
Hiding online will not solve anything
kindly contact us for an assessment:
https://www.imh.com.sg/
Institute of Mental Health
http://www.imh.com.sg/
Buangkok Green Medical Park
10 Buangkok View
Singapore 539747