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'My husband raped me for years': Singapore woman

YanDao

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I wonder who is the abusive one, the wife or the husband?
Isn't it understood that sex would follow after marriage?
If the wife do not like sex why get married?
Wife refused to have sex and caused husband to be psychologically stressed. To men, sex is a need, not a want.
Being psychologically stressed, of course he will try to force his way through. It is either this or visit GL.
If get caught for adultery, wife got reason to divorce.


SINGAPORE - The first year after she walked out on her marriage was the lowest point in her life, says Madam Lim. We are not using her full name to protect her identity.

She recalls "the agony and the trauma" of having to start life afresh, which included trying to find a job to make ends meet. Madam Lim was a victim of abuse. Her ex-husband routinely forced her to have sex.

It was years before she finally left him. Not least because many were incredulous when she said that he raped her. They simply didn't understand that a married woman can refuse to have sex.

"Friends, even my own mother, told me that there was no such thing as a husband raping his wife. Some even asked me why I bothered to get married if I hated to have sex," she tells The New Paper on Sunday.

"But even though living with a monster who raped me was a life of hell, for a while, I thought it was better than living without any financial stability.

"I was lucky that I had a few good friends and counsellors who supported me. Had it not been for them, I don't think I could have walked out of this low point in my life."

Madam Lim, 36, and her son, who turns six next month, now live with her mother.

"It took me so long before I could accept my little baby and start to love him," she says of the child, who is sitting quietly in a corner of the four-room HDB flat, playing with his handheld game.

She looks in his direction, then says: "I struggled for so long, trying to decide if I wanted to keep a child, who was conceived in rape, with me."

During her first interview with this newspaper in 2007, Madam Lim did not behave like the typical mum. The chilly distance she set up between her and the then five-month-old baby was apparent.

She hardly looked at him and did not pick him up, not even when he cried.

The baby was the result of one of those forced trysts, where her then-husband of six years would force himself on her.

They had courted for two years before marrying.

Madam Lim had confessed that she felt hatred and shame over the marital rape - and that the baby was a constant reminder of that.

She had been raped even though she had a personal protection order from a court to stop her ex-husband's sexual assaults.

She recalls those days when she continued to live with him and share the same bed: "I really loved my husband despite the rapes. I just didn't enjoy the sex".

As a clerk, she didn't earn much. "I was frightened of living life alone. Really terrified by the thought of it. I didn't want to walk out of my comfort zone."

It got worse when she lost her job - she had been taking medical leave constantly and not turning up at work on occasions because she suffered from depression.

"After I lost my job, I became even more unwilling to leave him.

"He also threatened to cut off all allowances."

Her ex-husband, who is 10 years older than her, runs a provision store. Madam Lim remains grateful to her former counsellor.

"If not for her, I would not have taken the steps to rebuild my life. Even when she left and passed my case on to another counsellor, she'd still keep in touch with me to see how I was faring."

She filed for divorce in 2010.

"I just didn't enjoy sex. If I had a choice, I'd avoid it completely. It was very difficult for me. I'd feel so tense before it and depressed after," she recalls.

Madam Lim's aversion to sex took a toll on her relationship with her ex-husband, whom she says was otherwise "not a bad person". "It's just that after a while, he got mad whenever I refused to have sex."

She shares that during their marriage, he had a fling with one of his workers.

"In some ways, I couldn't really blame him. I was the one who pushed him away."

It was during one such confrontation that things got out of hand and Madam Lim's ex-husband turned violent.

She recalls: "We were shouting and calling each other all kinds of ugly names, and then I called him a sex pervert.

"I could see the fury in his eyes and for a moment, I thought he'd kill me."

"I tried to run away, but he grabbed my hair and the next thing I knew, his fist was in my mouth."

He broke two of her teeth with one punch.

"I think he was stunned when he realised what he had done, and he kept saying he was sorry."

Two months later, he came home one night and told her that he'd let her go.

Madam Lim says: "Happy and relieved as I was, it took me another month before I actually did anything.

"I wasn't confident I could survive financially without him."

It didn't help that her mother back then had insisted it was her fault for "failing to do my duty as a wife".

"My mother is the traditional type who believed that a woman's place was at home, taking care of her husband and children," says Madam Lim.

She now works as an accounts clerk and has recently started on a new relationship, but declines to give more details. "I want to take it one step at a time."

She knows that her ex-husband also has another woman in his life.

"We don't talk to each other unless it's necessary, like when he comes to pick up our son for weekly visits.

"But I can see a hint of the man I fell in love with and I know it means he's happy."

She adds: "And because of this, I can finally let go of my guilty feelings."
 
Can one trespass his own private property? :rolleyes:
 
AWARE is currently pushing that husband can be charged for raping their wives. Good luck to those who are married.
 
AWARE is currently pushing that husband can be charged for raping their wives. Good luck to those who are married.

That's why it is pointless to marry. The woman can't cook, clean, sew, she expects everything to be delegated to a maid.

And when it comes to sex, she withholds it for the silliest reasons, and only rations it out periodically for 'good behavior'. God forbid if you force yourself upon her.

Too much work, and the returns on investment are dubious and paltry. What's the point? :rolleyes:
 
I have to agree on this. Had personal experience but lucky was just stay-in girlfriend.
Dump her 6 months later and picked up a much younger one.


That's why it is pointless to marry. The woman can't cook, clean, sew, she expects everything to be delegated to a maid.

And when it comes to sex, she withholds it for the silliest reasons, and only rations it out periodically for 'good behavior'. God forbid if you force yourself upon her.

Too much work, and the returns on investment are dubious and paltry. What's the point? :rolleyes:
 
That's why it is pointless to marry. The woman can't cook, clean, sew, she expects everything to be delegated to a maid.

And when it comes to sex, she withholds it for the silliest reasons, and only rations it out periodically for 'good behavior'. God forbid if you force yourself upon her.

Too much work, and the returns on investment are dubious and paltry. What's the point? :rolleyes:

And the children if any, will inevitably be spoilt brats who contribute nothing to the world.
The only reason the parents think their children are so precious is because they belong to them.
Of course the deluded ones will also think that they are brilliant and wonderfully brough up. :rolleyes:
 
The Mdm Lim in the article is very dysfunctional.

All she needs is a healthy dose of greens everyday ..... and an ice-cold glass of Yeo Hiap Seng or Pokka brand soursop juice to revive her libido :D
 
Anybody wanna look out for a a/c clerk in ur co...sir name Lim...with 2 missing teeth...:D:p

Y de hell she wanna go into another relationship if she dun like sex?? :confused::confused:
 
Anybody wanna look out for a a/c clerk in ur co...sir name Lim...with 2 missing teeth...:D:p

Y de hell she wanna go into another relationship if she dun like sex?? :confused::confused:

she only want $$$ :D

As a clerk, she didn't earn much. "I was frightened of living life alone. Really terrified by the thought of it. I didn't want to walk out of my comfort zone."

"I wasn't confident I could survive financially without him."
 
she only want $$$ :D

As a clerk, she didn't earn much. "I was frightened of living life alone. Really terrified by the thought of it. I didn't want to walk out of my comfort zone."

"I wasn't confident I could survive financially without him."

Wah lau...how many men accept a women w/o sex...maybe better for her to look for a women instead...:D:p
 
waaaaah............that means the couple never screwed before marriage leh..........otherwise the women sure don't want to get married mah......


should salute the guy liao lor like that.............
 
Frigid? :cool: Maybe other is same gender, only DIY

On 2nd tot hor...diy still sex leh...better go look for ang moh...maybe can find some weirdo who want relationship but dun wan sex...:D Ah neh is out of question thou...:p
 
If AWARE wants to reclassify marital conjugation as statutory rape then its only fair that Women's Charter be repealed.

You can't have your cake and eat it.
 
she can do something else like reading a newspaper while her husband do what he do best to her.
 
The ex husband should tie her up and get ten Blangah workers to gang bang her. After that she will be fine with sex.
 
she can do something else like reading a newspaper while her husband do what he do best to her.

like that not very professional...how come he didn't test the product before marrying it?
 
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