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Sunday, Nov 25, 2012
I met a wonderful girl at a club in March. She is 25 and works as a sales person. We went out for few dates and I fell in love with her. I thought she was the one.
Then I felt something was not right because she was getting lots of messages and calls from one guy. When I confronted her, she said she'd had sex with a guy in another state during a holiday. She claimed she was drunk then. I was devastated.
I remained calm but the relationship was over. During that week, she could not eat well and was just crying. I visited her and ended up forgiving her. I decided to start anew.
But my feelings were never the same anymore. I was demanding and suspicious of everything she did. She still went on short holiday trips and to visit family members.
Lately I found out that she actually works with an escort service. Her clients would pay a few thousand ringgit for a few nights' stay in some resort. I felt numb. My business went downhill from there as I took to drinking every night. I've lost weight; this affair has sapped my strength and motivation in work and life.
I texted her to say she is selfish and not right to keep things from me. All this while, we've had unprotected sex. Now I'm scared to undergo a medical test. I'm 30 and ashamed of myself as I can't talk to my buddies about this.
I regret forgiving her in the first place. Now I'm thinking of revenge. I will post banners of her on the streets and inform all her family members. I want to move on, but how am I supposed to forget this chapter? I'm so lost. I still need to get some stuff back from her house.
Foolish Guy
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If you love this girl, her past should not matter. Maybe she made a few bad choices in life and ended up doing what she is doing. It does not make her a bad person, or someone who is any less worthy of love or respect.
Of course she did not tell you what she does. Seeing how you are reacting now, she probably feared losing you. Also, hers is not the kind of job one boasts about openly.
There is so much stigma against people who work in the sex industry although they are just trying to earn money to live. Yet, no one ever thinks negatively of people who seek sexual services. A little harsh, don't you think?
You were attracted to her and wanted to get into a relationship with her. It seems that she never saw you as her client and may have truly wanted to be with you. She did not try to cheat you, or mistreat you in any way.
Yes, she may have been wrong to not insist on safe sex. But, so were you. There is no shame in getting a HIV test or one for sexually transmitted diseases. There are NGOs like PT Foundation in Kuala Lumpur that offer free and confidential testing.
It is understandable that you feel cheated because you thought she was the one for you. She still may be, except for her past. If you want to be with her, tell her so and try and help her leave the escort service. She may need help finding a new job and starting anew.
If this is not what you want, then you will just have to leave it in the past. It will take time. You will have to learn to cope in healthy ways like playing sport, taking up a hobby, or even talking to someone about it.
If you can't talk to your friends, it may be worthwhile trying out a counselling service. You will not know this person, and you can be assured of confidentiality.
This girl may be suffering enough already. Don't make it worse by taking so-called "revenge". The best you can do now is to focus on yourself and get your life back on track.
