- Joined
- Jan 18, 2010
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- 7,177
- Points
- 48
Girl called wrong man daddy for 8 years
It was “stupid, dumb and idiotic”. And it ruined four relationships.
She had taken the cigarette butts from two lovers for a paternity test but mixed them up in the process of labelling.
The result: She married the wrong man.
When the truth finally emerged three years later, her husband walked out on their marriage and her daughter, then nine.
That was not all. Her former lover didn’t want to have anything to do with her or his biological daughter.
Stupid. Dumb. Idiot. That best describes whatI did, says Ms Jessica Cheong.
She was reluctant to talk about her folly at first, especially since it has turned her daughter into an angry, rebellious teenager.
But after much thought, Ms Cheong agreed to speak, only because she hopes that others would be more careful when it comes to extracting samples for paternity tests.
“One stupid mix-up and your life gets totally screwed up, like how it has happened for this dumb woman here,” says Ms Cheong, 44, mocking herself.
She leans back in her two-seater sofa, brings her knees up and crosses both arms around them, and muses: “I wonder what would’ve happened if I had left things status quo. “Would I be in this mess now?”
She recalls the series of unfortunate events that started after she found out she was pregnant about 19 years ago.
She was working in Hong Kong as a fashion stylist then and was involved in “three non-exclusive relationships”.
She moved back to Singapore about 10 years ago after her marriage broke down. Says the attractive woman:“When you’re young, you tend not to think about the consequence of sleeping around until it hits you in the face.”
So she became pregnant. But she was unsure who the father of the baby was.
Ms Cheong, who now runs her own boutique on Orchard Road, says: “I did some mental calculation and I wasn’t quite certain who would most likely be the daddy.
“It could either be Alex or MrH(who has asked not to be named) but I couldn’t possibly go to them and say, ‘Hey guess what, I’m pregnant and either of you could be the father’, right?”
But she wanted to keep the baby.
“I was 25 years old then, I felt I was ready to be a mum even though I wasn’t sure if I wanted to settle down yet,” she says.
She broke the news of her pregnancy to both men separately.
She recounts: “They didn’t know of each other’s existence of course, and both offered to marry me.
“But honestly? I wanted to weigh my options and decide on who was better.”
She returned to Singapore to deliver her baby and lived here for about a year. “I’d also hoped that when my baby was older, I’d be able to tell whom she resembled.
You know, what they say, the father- and-daughter look.”
Both men continued to visit Ms Cheong and took to the baby like she was their own.
She says: “I was also selfish. It felt good to have two men doting on us (mother and daughter), and for some time, I didn’t want to do anything about it.”
It was only when her daughter turned five that she decided to take a paternity test.
She explains: “I wanted to send my daughter to an international school (in Hong Kong) and I didn’t want her to be ostracised.
“She’d also started to ask questions, like why she had to address two different men as ‘Daddy’... and I was afraid that the secret would come out.” Ms Cheong did some checks and found a company that offered paternity testing.
“I was told I could collect my own samples and send them over to the lab, which was perfect since I didn’t want to raise any suspicion on why I’d be asking them to go for a test,” she says.
“Of course, I also didn’t expect that I’d be the idiot who would mess things up.”
With the results – albeit not the correct ones – she told Mr Alex Lee that she was ready for marriage.
I felt angry each time she called me daddy
Mr Lee, 46, a Singaporean who runs a talent management agency in Hong Kong, says in a phone interview: “I was overjoyed when Jessica told me that she was ready for marriage. I felt that my life was complete – a beautiful wife and a darling daughter.”
He admits, too, that had Ms Cheong kept mum about the truth, he’d not have suspected anything.
“J (we are not naming the girl) was my ‘baobei’ (precious one in Mandarin), we did everything together. I’d take her along with me to events and shows organised by my company and everyone loved her.”
But three years after Ms Cheong and Mr Lee got married, the situation began to unravel when J cut herself in a fall at school.
Details are vague. But Ms Cheong remembers finding out that her daughter’s blood type did not make it possible that Mr Cheong was her biological father.
“I was shocked. And then it occurred to me that Mr H’s blood type is the same as my girl’s. My mind started running around in circles,” she says.
After three months of struggling with the possibility that the first paternity test could be wrong, she “decided to seek the truth”.
“It was too disturbing to ignore it and carry on with life like nothing happened.
“But this time, it was also harder for me to get samples for the testing, because Mr H had sort of broken off ties after I chose to marry Alex.”
Mr H had also married another woman about a year earlier.
She says: “But I took Alex’s toothbrush and fingernail and sent both for another test.”
The result confirmed that he was not J’s father. Ms Cheong adds: “I was so frightened when I got the result. Somehow, I knew that also marked the end of our marriage.
“And I was right.”
She says she chose to tell the truth because she felt she owed it to all of them.
“It was a mistake, an honest one, which I felt should not be allowed to go on.”
Mr Lee says: “My world came crashing down. I found it hard to continue with the life that was no longer perfect. A life that was totally wrong.
“I also couldn’t face J. I couldn’t look at her without feeling cheated... each time she called me ‘daddy’, I felt irritated and angry. It’s just a man thing.”
He moved out of the family’s Hong Kong home about four months later.
Ms Cheong says: “J was devastated by the rejection. She was too young to understand what was going on.
“For her, she just knew that her daddy didn’t want her and suddenly no longer loved her.”
Ms Cheong decided to move back to Singapore.
About a year later, she called Mr H and asked to meet him. But what she didn’t expect, she says, was for him to reject their daughter too.
She says: “It hurt me so much then but there was nothing I could do.”
When J turned 15, she asked why Mr Lee had chosen to leave the family.
Feeling that the young girl was mature enough to handle the truth, Ms Cheong bared all.
She says: “It was one mistake after another. J asked for her biological father’s number and I gave it to her.
“But he didn’t want to have anything to do with her, especially since he has another two children from his own marriage.”
In response to our request for an interview, Mr H says: “I’ve moved on with my life. And I don’t need the baggage.
“It was not my fault.”
Ms Cheong adds: “J couldn’t accept the rejection. Her studies suffered and she failed her O-level exams.
“She also refused to retake her exams and hardly returns home, except when she needs money.”
Ms Cheong admits that she gives in to her daughter’s demands for money because of her own guilt.
“I can’t turn back the clock and undo the mistake, but I hope that one day, she would come to her senses and return home to her mother who loves her dearly.”
[email protected]
It was “stupid, dumb and idiotic”. And it ruined four relationships.
She had taken the cigarette butts from two lovers for a paternity test but mixed them up in the process of labelling.
The result: She married the wrong man.
When the truth finally emerged three years later, her husband walked out on their marriage and her daughter, then nine.
That was not all. Her former lover didn’t want to have anything to do with her or his biological daughter.
Stupid. Dumb. Idiot. That best describes whatI did, says Ms Jessica Cheong.
She was reluctant to talk about her folly at first, especially since it has turned her daughter into an angry, rebellious teenager.
But after much thought, Ms Cheong agreed to speak, only because she hopes that others would be more careful when it comes to extracting samples for paternity tests.
“One stupid mix-up and your life gets totally screwed up, like how it has happened for this dumb woman here,” says Ms Cheong, 44, mocking herself.
She leans back in her two-seater sofa, brings her knees up and crosses both arms around them, and muses: “I wonder what would’ve happened if I had left things status quo. “Would I be in this mess now?”
She recalls the series of unfortunate events that started after she found out she was pregnant about 19 years ago.
She was working in Hong Kong as a fashion stylist then and was involved in “three non-exclusive relationships”.
She moved back to Singapore about 10 years ago after her marriage broke down. Says the attractive woman:“When you’re young, you tend not to think about the consequence of sleeping around until it hits you in the face.”
So she became pregnant. But she was unsure who the father of the baby was.
Ms Cheong, who now runs her own boutique on Orchard Road, says: “I did some mental calculation and I wasn’t quite certain who would most likely be the daddy.
“It could either be Alex or MrH(who has asked not to be named) but I couldn’t possibly go to them and say, ‘Hey guess what, I’m pregnant and either of you could be the father’, right?”
But she wanted to keep the baby.
“I was 25 years old then, I felt I was ready to be a mum even though I wasn’t sure if I wanted to settle down yet,” she says.
She broke the news of her pregnancy to both men separately.
She recounts: “They didn’t know of each other’s existence of course, and both offered to marry me.
“But honestly? I wanted to weigh my options and decide on who was better.”
She returned to Singapore to deliver her baby and lived here for about a year. “I’d also hoped that when my baby was older, I’d be able to tell whom she resembled.
You know, what they say, the father- and-daughter look.”
Both men continued to visit Ms Cheong and took to the baby like she was their own.
She says: “I was also selfish. It felt good to have two men doting on us (mother and daughter), and for some time, I didn’t want to do anything about it.”
It was only when her daughter turned five that she decided to take a paternity test.
She explains: “I wanted to send my daughter to an international school (in Hong Kong) and I didn’t want her to be ostracised.
“She’d also started to ask questions, like why she had to address two different men as ‘Daddy’... and I was afraid that the secret would come out.” Ms Cheong did some checks and found a company that offered paternity testing.
“I was told I could collect my own samples and send them over to the lab, which was perfect since I didn’t want to raise any suspicion on why I’d be asking them to go for a test,” she says.
“Of course, I also didn’t expect that I’d be the idiot who would mess things up.”
With the results – albeit not the correct ones – she told Mr Alex Lee that she was ready for marriage.
I felt angry each time she called me daddy
Mr Lee, 46, a Singaporean who runs a talent management agency in Hong Kong, says in a phone interview: “I was overjoyed when Jessica told me that she was ready for marriage. I felt that my life was complete – a beautiful wife and a darling daughter.”
He admits, too, that had Ms Cheong kept mum about the truth, he’d not have suspected anything.
“J (we are not naming the girl) was my ‘baobei’ (precious one in Mandarin), we did everything together. I’d take her along with me to events and shows organised by my company and everyone loved her.”
But three years after Ms Cheong and Mr Lee got married, the situation began to unravel when J cut herself in a fall at school.
Details are vague. But Ms Cheong remembers finding out that her daughter’s blood type did not make it possible that Mr Cheong was her biological father.
“I was shocked. And then it occurred to me that Mr H’s blood type is the same as my girl’s. My mind started running around in circles,” she says.
After three months of struggling with the possibility that the first paternity test could be wrong, she “decided to seek the truth”.
“It was too disturbing to ignore it and carry on with life like nothing happened.
“But this time, it was also harder for me to get samples for the testing, because Mr H had sort of broken off ties after I chose to marry Alex.”
Mr H had also married another woman about a year earlier.
She says: “But I took Alex’s toothbrush and fingernail and sent both for another test.”
The result confirmed that he was not J’s father. Ms Cheong adds: “I was so frightened when I got the result. Somehow, I knew that also marked the end of our marriage.
“And I was right.”
She says she chose to tell the truth because she felt she owed it to all of them.
“It was a mistake, an honest one, which I felt should not be allowed to go on.”
Mr Lee says: “My world came crashing down. I found it hard to continue with the life that was no longer perfect. A life that was totally wrong.
“I also couldn’t face J. I couldn’t look at her without feeling cheated... each time she called me ‘daddy’, I felt irritated and angry. It’s just a man thing.”
He moved out of the family’s Hong Kong home about four months later.
Ms Cheong says: “J was devastated by the rejection. She was too young to understand what was going on.
“For her, she just knew that her daddy didn’t want her and suddenly no longer loved her.”
Ms Cheong decided to move back to Singapore.
About a year later, she called Mr H and asked to meet him. But what she didn’t expect, she says, was for him to reject their daughter too.
She says: “It hurt me so much then but there was nothing I could do.”
When J turned 15, she asked why Mr Lee had chosen to leave the family.
Feeling that the young girl was mature enough to handle the truth, Ms Cheong bared all.
She says: “It was one mistake after another. J asked for her biological father’s number and I gave it to her.
“But he didn’t want to have anything to do with her, especially since he has another two children from his own marriage.”
In response to our request for an interview, Mr H says: “I’ve moved on with my life. And I don’t need the baggage.
“It was not my fault.”
Ms Cheong adds: “J couldn’t accept the rejection. Her studies suffered and she failed her O-level exams.
“She also refused to retake her exams and hardly returns home, except when she needs money.”
Ms Cheong admits that she gives in to her daughter’s demands for money because of her own guilt.
“I can’t turn back the clock and undo the mistake, but I hope that one day, she would come to her senses and return home to her mother who loves her dearly.”
[email protected]
