This thread dedicated to LAUGHS...HAHAHA!!!

[DOM the Clown]

50 Things you don't say while having sex and 50 Things you don't say to a Pappy Lord!

50 Things you don’t say while having sex:

01. Is it in yet?
02. Is that it?
03. You have to be kidding me
04. (phone rings) Hi? Oh, nothing special. You?
05. Am I supposed to pay you for this?
06. Should I call you tomorrow?
07. Oh mama, mama!!!
08. Oh daddy, daddy!!!
09. You look better in the dark.
10. Oh, this is much better than with my last boy/girlfriend.
11. I thought it was supposed to go into the other hole
12. Don’t tell my husband/wife
13. You have the bra as my mom (particularly bad if the girl says this
14. This sucks
15. Could you hurry up a bit? I have to go to a meeting
16. I hope you’re not expecting a raise
17. I think this could make you get the job
18. Damn, is that all you know ?!
19. Did I mention I have herpes?
20. We have to get married now
21. Hurry up, the game is on in a few!
22. I’m hungry
23. I’m thirsty
24. zzzzzzzzzz
25. Are you trying to be funny?
26. Can you drop me off when you’re done?
27. Are those real?
28. Before I forget, I’m breaking up with you
29. What is that smell? Is that you?
30. You’ve never done this before?
31. WOW! I’ve never boobs like that! (and then start grabbing them)
32. Do you know what certain female spiders do after mating?
33. You sure look like your sister
34. Your mom’s pretty nice
35. What did you say your name was?
36. Do I really still have to be here in the morning?
37. Again? I had trouble staying awake the first time!
38. Owwww, and you had just started
39. You’re almost as good as a 9-year-old -- and I can know!
40. Don’t touch that!
41. You wanna order a pizza?
42. I think my dad is eavesdropping
43. Smile, you’re on Candid Camera!
44. Is there anything nice on TV?
45. Get your hand away from there!
46. I think the condom tore 10 mins ago
47. I knew you had a stuffed bra!
48. "Cover me guys, I’m going in!"
49. TIMBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!
50. The ceiling needs some white paint ;-)






50 Things you never, never say to a Whiter than White Pappy Lord:

1. My Lord, about the CPF....................
2. My Lord, about the CP.....................
3. My Lord, about the C.......................
4. My Lord, about the .........................
5. My Lord, about the .........................
6. My Lord, about the .........................
7. My Lord, about the .........................
8. My Lord, about the .........................
9. My Lord, about the .........................
10. My Lord, about the .........................
11. My Lord, about the .........................
12. My Lord, about the .........................
13. My Lord, about the .........................
14. My Lord, about the .........................
15. My Lord, about the .........................
16. My Lord, about the .........................
17. My Lord, about the .........................
18. My Lord, about the .........................
19. My Lord, about the .........................
20. My Lord, about the .........................
21. My Lord, about the .........................
22. My Lord, about the .........................
23. My Lord, about the .........................
24. My Lord, about the .........................
25. My Lord, about the .........................
26. My Lord, about the .........................
27. My Lord, about the .........................
28. My Lord, about the .........................
29. My Lord, about the .........................
30. My Lord, about the .........................
31. My Lord, about the .........................
32. My Lord, about the .........................
33. My Lord, about the .........................
34. My Lord, about the .........................
35. My Lord, about the .........................
36. My Lord, about the .........................
37. My Lord, about the .........................
38. My Lord, about the .........................
39. My Lord, about the .........................
40. My Lord, about the .........................
41. My Lord, about the .........................
42. My Lord, about the .........................
43. My Lord, about the .........................
44. My Lord, about the .........................
45. My Lord, about the .........................
46. My Lord, about the .........................
47. My Lord, about the .........................
48. My Lord, about the .........................
49. My Lord, about the .........................
50. My Lord, about the .........................

You've nothing NICE to say to these pappy Lords, STFU! You've no praises for these pappy Loards, STFU! If you want to know anything about the CPF, how the Town Council invest your money, their benchmarked salary, etc..............YOU'RE AN INSURGENT!!!!

 

[DOM the Clown]

Lee Hong Li Wanking himself blind!

Lee Hong Li went to the optometrist. The Doctor told him, "You’ve got to stop masturbating!"

"Why Doc," he asked, "am I going blind?"

"No," the Doctor explained, "but you’re upsetting the other patients in the waiting room!"

 

[DOM the Clown]

SsssssshhhhhHHHHHHH!!!! MPs sleeping.

A school teacher leading her class for an excursion to the Parliament House asked her students just before they entered the building, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in Parliament House?"

Little Hong Li replied, "Because people are sleeping."

 

[DOM the Clown]

Rwanda Khaw and Mabroky Tan were talking, and Rwanda Khaw was very stressed. Mabroky asked him what was the matter. Rwanda proceeded to tell him that he really needed to sell his car, but no one would buy because it has 130,000 km on it.

Mabroky Tan said to the chobolanhealthministar, "I know a way that will help you sell it. I have a friend from Tampines who can help you, but it's illegal."

The dumbdumbbutgreedyanddesperate Rwanda said, "I'll do anything."

So Mabroky gave the dumberthandumbchobolanhealthministar the phone number of a guy who could turn back the odometer on his car.

A week later, Rwanda and Mabroky met each other again in their siasta session at the Parliament, and Mabroky asked Rwanda if he had sold his car yet.

The easilyexcitedbynewsofrapeinRwanda chobolanhealthministar said, "Why would I sell a car with only 13,000 km on it?!"


...................DUH!.................now you know what you're getting from Heath Ministry!

 

[DOM the Clown]

How many Temasick Funds managers..........

How many Temasick Funds managers does it take to change a light bulb?

1) A roomful - they have to hold a meeting to discuss all the ramifications of the change.

2) None, they like to keep everyone in Singapore in the dark.

3) "This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items and Herr Ho Jinx's permission. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile ..."

4) "We've formed a task-force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and to figure out what, exactly, we as very intelligent funds managers can do to make the funds.......sorry I mean the bulbs work smarter, not harder."

5) "Hail Her Majesty, Queen Sadim! Who needs light when Queen Sadim's around?"

 

[DOM the Clown]

Lee Kuan Yew Knows his direction to our Golden Period!

At an Asian Economic Strategy Seminar for "the Charting of Asian Economic Direction", our Uber Leader, Herr Harry, was the keypoint speaker......................

Lee Kuan Yew: Please stop checking your watch all the time. It’s too much of a distraction!

Seminar Participant: It’s not a watch - it’s a compass!

 

[DOM the Clown]

Harry the Ar******!!!

A woman went to her doctor, Dr Bargain Hen, for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea.

Dr Bargain Hen asked, "Do you enjoy it?"

She said that she did.

He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no.

Dr Bargain Hen then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practise anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant."

The woman was mystified.

"You can get pregnant from anal sex?"

Dr Bargain Hen replied, "Of course. Where do you think devils like LEE KUAN YEW come from???!!!"

 

[DOM the Clown]

If LEE HSIEN LOONG is the SOLUTION....................CAN WE HAVE THE PROBLEM BACK???!!!!!!!!!

 

[dysentry]

 

[DOM the Clown]

Who's that?? "She" looks like LEE HSIEN YANG!!!​

 

[DOM the Clown]

Dr Lee Feels for her Patient!

There was a young man who was so well-endowed that it was bothering his knee. Four doctors were in the operating room to remedy the situation.

The first doctor said, "We’ll just take a big chunk off the end." They discussed it and decided that would affect his sensitivity.

The second doctor said, "We’ll just take a big chunk out of the middle of it." They discussed it and decided it would change the texture and feel of it.

The third doctor said, "We’ll just take a big chunk off the base of it."
They discussed it and said that would give him erection problems.

The doctors looked at the fourth doctor, Dr Lee Wei Ling, who had tears running down her cheeks.

"Can’t we just make his legs longer?" Dr Lee cried.

 

[DOM the Clown]

Old Man and his Monies.........

Old Man was on his death bed, and wanted to be buried with his money. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $3,000,000,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest, Pastor Kong Hee Fatt Choy suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I only put $2,000,000,000 into the envelope because I needed $1,000,000,000 to renovate the discoteque of my church."

"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said Dr Bargain Hen, "I only put $1,000,000,000 in the envelope because we needed a new block of building for the pediatrics ward at my hospital which cost $2,000,000.,000"

Darvinder Singh was aghast.

"I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, I enclosed a check for the full $3,000,000,000."

 

[DOM the Clown]

Mr. and Mrs. Rwanda Khaw went to a sex therapist who promised to only take their case if he knew he could help them. After hours of tests, he agreed he could help. He told them to stop at the store on the way home and buy donuts and grapes. Mrs. Khaw was to toss the donuts at Mr.Khaw’s erection and eat the ones that stayed on. Mr.Khaw was to roll the grapes across the floor and eat the ones that became lodged in Mrs.Smith’s love canal.

A few weeks later, the Tans’ came to see the doctor. "Our friends the Khaws told us to come to you." they said.

The doctor ran the tests and came back to the Tans’. He told them he was sorry but there was just nothing he could do. The Tans’ said "You helped the Khaw’s, why won’t you help us?"

After continued begging from Mr and Mrs Mabroky Tan, the doc said "ok,ok...stop by the market on the way home and buy a box of Cheerios and a bag of oranges."

 

[DOM the Clown]

Pappy Beauties...............

Three pappy women were on a road trip and are tearing down the ECP. Unfortunately (0r VERY FORTUNATELY for the people of Singapore), they lost control, the car flipped over the guard rail on to the opposite lanes and got smashed by an SAF 10 tonner.

Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates, all three of them were greeted by St. Peter. He told them, "All of you led very good lives down on earth, erm...............according to your 154th reports of course, so all of you will be admitted into paradise. The only rule: DON"T STEP ON THE DUCKS."

Confused, they all asked "um...what?"

St. Peter said, "if you step on one duck, it quacks. if a duck quacks, other ducks will start quacking, and...well...you’ll see."

With that, the gates opened and the three waltzed inside. And, sure enough, All of heaven was covered with ducks. There was almost no room to walk with the millions of ducks.

A day of careful stepping later, the first woman, stepped on a duck. Seconds later, every single duck in heaven was quacking. It was so loud that Lee Bee Wah weren’t suprised if earth could hear it. Hours later, when the quacking ceased, an angel appeared with a very ugly man and chained him to the lady and teld her that this was her eternal punishment for the duck-stepping.

LEE BEE WAH the Badassminton Queen​

Not wanting to suffer the same fate, the other two women became very cautious for the next week. But sure enough, the second lady, Cynthia Phua stepped on a duck.

She got the same punishment as the first lady.

CYNTHIA PANGSAIJIALAICHUIJAMBAN PHUA ​

The third lady became so careful that, a year-and-a-half later, she was still duck-free. Then, an angel appeared next to her with a very handsome man and chained him to her.

Thinking that this ought to be a reward for her good-doing she asked the man gleefully, "What did I do to deserve this?"

And the man replied with a grimace, "I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck."


The third pappy bitch:

DR FATIMAH LATEEF THE HIPHOP QUEEN​

 

[DOM the Clown]

Prinz Looonie the Chao Ah Gua

Funny Titanic with Prinz Looonie acting in disguise as the chao ah gua, enjoy:

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[DOM the Clown]

1 million ducks..........

Mabroky Tan and Rwanda Khaw were playing golf, and Rwanda pulled out a big cigar (courtesy of the petty cash box of MOH) and asked Mabroky if he had a lighter. Mabroky took out a 25 cm long Bic lighter.

"WOW where did you get that huge lighter from?" Rwanda Khaw enthused.

"I got it from my genie, it is in my golfbag"

Rwanda asked if he could see the genie, and Mabroky opened his golfbag and out flew the genie,

"Hi genie" Rwanda said "I am a REALLY good friend of your owner, will you grant me a wish too?"

"Sure what do you want?" the genie replied

"I wish A MILLION BUCKS", Rwanda Khaw grinned.

The sky darkened over them, and a million DUCKS flew down from the Heaven (yup! same ducks as those stepped by the pappy chaochabos in the earlier jokes). Rwanda Khaw looked angry.

"Hey sorry I forgot to tell you my genie has a small problem with hearing because of his age, but you did not seriously think I had asked it for a 25 cm BIC did you ?"

 

[DOM the Clown]

To the fortune of Singaporeans, three top pappy died in a car crash, and they found themselves at the gates of heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter.

"When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" asks St. Peter.

The first top pappy doggie, Bargain Hen said, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second top pappy doggie, Tharman SHAMmugaratnam says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and great education ministar who made a huge difference in the education of our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look! He’s moving!"




























the last guy:

 

[DOM the Clown]

Sky Diving Canines..............

If you throw a RC porlumpar running doggie, a CCC porlumpar running doggie and a pappy porlumpar running doggie off the top Westin Hotel, which one would hit the ground first?




































Who cares?

 

[DOM the Clown]

Mentally Handicaped!

Why is it good to have Raymond Limp as your passenger?



































You can park in the handicapped spots.

 

[DOM the Clown]

If it's there and you can see it - it's real.

If it's not there and you can see it - it's virtual.

If it's there and you can't see it - it's transparent.

If it's not there and you can't see it - the LEEs have erased your CPF monies!!!