I'm sure many sinkie men could relate to this....
I would like to share my story.
I have a wife who is earning more than me. Maybe about 40-50% more?
Previously, when her income was lesser than mine, she would say, "You need to provide the household income, because you are the guy." I agreed and she also said, "Guys should be the breadwinner." Ok, I got nothing to say about that.
However, when it comes to housework, she said, "We need to do the housework together. You think we girls what? Your maid is it? Wife born to cook for you is it?" Hence, I contributed to the housework, cleaning up the house, mopping & vacumming the floor.
And when we disucss about parenting, she would say, "You are the father and the pillar of the family (i agree on that), hence, you have to 'split' the chores of schooling him, teaching him educating him, etc." It is a 50-50 thing. We haven't got a child yet though.
Now, she starts to earn more than me and she say, "ok, i will contribute 50% to the household." And I suggest, "Why not we contribute in terms of percentage? In this way, regardless how much we make in future, it will be in parity of our income." She became angry and scolded me. We quarreled and of course, I gave in and she will be contributing 50%.
During the quarrel, she said, "My friends they all not giving to the family you know! I still need to give!" I had asked her, "Do their husband earn more than them?" She said YES! (still got the cheek to say YES). If i earn more than her, I will provide for her too what. Which proper guy, if earning more, won't give to the family?
But when the tables turn, and I am earning more, she will say, "You need to contribute more to the house."
WTH? Where is the appreciation? Where is the love?
The wife can earn more money and spend on handbags, shoes, and the guy MUST use the money on family, and.... I thought traditionally, household chores are done by the girls? Excuse me?
Since we are not talking about traditionally, and I certainly don't believe my wife should be a maid at home; the reverse should also be uphold: contributing money to the family can be bi-fold too right?
Actually, it's laughable because I am still considered fortunate as I heard of wives who earn more than guys but refused to contribute to the family. Then in the end, when the family breaks down, who is to blame?
In the 70-80s, where I always heard of guys beating their wives and girls are always being discrimanted at work, family... we are shifting to the other end of the spectrum: the husbands are getting the blunt end.
My wife should be my best friend and I tried to explain things to her, but she simply ignore me. Normally, when a lady refused to listen, the factors involved are generally more emotional than facts & figures. I speak to her, tried to love her, talk to her gently, but she refused to listen.
I am so sorry that I am using a new nick, because previously, I was posting something in the internet, and it so happen that her friend saw my nick, called my wife and tell on me. In the end, big quarrel.
Look, if I need to go to this extent and tell my life story, shouldn't the nosy parker (who tell on me) reflect on a deeper truth, than to do the 'I'm looking to see a show by telling ur wife?"
I have a close friend who earned about 2.6k per month, 2 years back as a public servant. He brought home 1k to his wife and she complained. Now, he is working as a gold trader and pockets about 15k, three mths back. He gave about 10k to his wife, and she complained! She lamented and scolded him for not disclosing the rest of the 5k to her! My friend told her that, "Last time I only earn 2.6k, you complained, now I earn 15k, give you 10k, you also not happy? What you want?" She replied, "I need to go spa and facial! Then the handbags?!"
Look, my friend doesn't womanize, doesn't drink, goes home early before 9pm everyday! He is abit plump and they have 2 children.
This month onwards, my friend is earning 30k++ going forward, and he asked me for advice. I simply told him, "Dont' disclose anything more than 15k, which your wife knows. After all, once you tell her you are earning 30k, your wife will want 25k, and then she will still be unhappy.....what's the point?" There's no difference in earning 2.6k and 30k already as....no one is enjoying the fruits of the labour. You are not happy, ur wife is not happy... and the children won't be too.
I feel that the ladies are greatly influenced by the drama shows such as: Married to a Rich Guy.....Frog turn Prince Charming....., etc. Previously, in my days (i'm in 30s), there are the Cindrella, Beauty & the Beast, Snow White.... which were great classics. I understand that culture and times change, but from such classic tales to clearly obvious materialistic entertainment?
These type of shows imprinted the young that: They deserved to grow up and have a wealthy husband, who doesnt' flirt, and loves, gives in to her! Where got
Then we have the 'My girlfriend is a Boss'..those type of shows that protrayed that girls are the boss and they are aggressive, the guys must submit to them, etc.... they are headstrong movie heroes, and can match the guys in anything.
Well, combine these 2 types of movies... and you get the Singaporean girls: Demanding, take things for granted, unloving, declaring the rights of women and wanting the benefits of guys.
Last time, I hope my wife will earn more than me, as I always thought: the more money we make, the more things we can do together and the more things we can buy together. But since she is so calculative: I am very hurt and I am very angry. There's no reason for me to be happy for her when she gets promoted anymore....after all, she's only enjoying herself and not bringing back to the house.
I will upgrade & earn more money and won't tell her.
Marriage should be a partnership. Nowadays you should seldom hear of guys beating up their wives and use the money to womanize, drinks, gamble all the money away... (yes, there are, but we are talking about the middle income here, who forms the majority of the population).
But unlike my friend who stays submissive, I will torelate for a while, then call it quits and ask for divorce, before any child comes in.
http://forums.asiaone.com/showthread.php?t=30602&page=92#918
