Taking a break from SBF. Too much serious politicking and quarrels.Since then been going to other forums for some light reading.
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Dont desert us, do drop in every now and then .
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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Dont desert us, do drop in every now and then .
Jub, can't agree this forum has just too much aggro (angst too) :p At times, very off putting.. bad hair days! Would like to think many welcome comic relief here.. no or yes?Taking a break from SBF. Too much serious politicking and quarrels.
Me out of breath liao, but still wanting moreWant more?
Paiseh, my cherry just popped ...by opp gender other week, really :p
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I went to see a Muslim tribute band last night.
They were called Bomb Jovi. They were brilliant.
Their last song Living on a Prayer Mat almost brought the house down.
Then this Muslim bloke started bragging about how he had the entire Koran on dvd.
I was interested so I asked him, “Can you burn me a copy?
Well that was when the trouble started.
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "
An American was on holiday in Rome, he went into a cafe and bought a cappuccino.
He soon got talking to an Italian woman at the next table.
“Do you speak English,” he said.
“Yes, a little,” she replied
“How much,” he asked.
“$50,” she said.
My neighbour was working in his garden when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.
He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.
He said to her, "You appear quite elderly to be driving."
"Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's licence anymore. The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's licence. I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying, 'You won't need this anymore,' so I thanked him and left!"
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, “Hey Tommy, wanna play
house?”
He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?”
The girl replies, “I want you to communicate your thoughts.”
“Communicate my thoughts?” said a bewildered Tommy. “I have no idea what that means.”
The little girl smirks and says, “Perfect. You can be the husband.”
"ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY" and with tears
streaming down my face
I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel!!!
They were called Bomb Jovi. They were brilliant.
Their last song Living on a Prayer Mat almost brought the house down.
Then this Muslim bloke started bragging about how he had the entire Koran on dvd.
I was interested so I asked him, “Can you burn me a copy?
Well that was when the trouble started.
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "
An American was on holiday in Rome, he went into a cafe and bought a cappuccino.
He soon got talking to an Italian woman at the next table.
“Do you speak English,” he said.
“Yes, a little,” she replied
“How much,” he asked.
“$50,” she said.
My neighbour was working in his garden when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.
He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.
He said to her, "You appear quite elderly to be driving."
"Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's licence anymore. The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's licence. I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying, 'You won't need this anymore,' so I thanked him and left!"
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, “Hey Tommy, wanna play
house?”
He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?”
The girl replies, “I want you to communicate your thoughts.”
“Communicate my thoughts?” said a bewildered Tommy. “I have no idea what that means.”
The little girl smirks and says, “Perfect. You can be the husband.”
"ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY" and with tears
streaming down my face
I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel!!!
Funny Trips And Falls
Taking a break from SBF. Too much serious politicking and quarrels.
.
Take a short break brother. And come back, recharged. Happy new year
This calls for a celebration then.
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said :
" Here's to spending the rest of me life --- between the legs of me
wife ! "
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night !
John went home and told his wife, Mary :
" I won the prize for the Best Toast of the night. "
She said : " Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast ? "
John said : " Here's to spending the rest of me life,
sitting in the church, besides me wife. "
" Oh, that is very nice indeed, John ! " Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the
street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said :
" John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you,
Mary. "
She said : " Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself.
You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years.
Once he fell asleep, and the other time,
I had to pull him by the ears to make him come. "
" Here's to spending the rest of me life --- between the legs of me
wife ! "
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night !
John went home and told his wife, Mary :
" I won the prize for the Best Toast of the night. "
She said : " Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast ? "
John said : " Here's to spending the rest of me life,
sitting in the church, besides me wife. "
" Oh, that is very nice indeed, John ! " Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the
street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said :
" John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you,
Mary. "
She said : " Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself.
You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years.
Once he fell asleep, and the other time,
I had to pull him by the ears to make him come. "
Aiyoyo
Dear madam,
I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore.
Having seen y our advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press
myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.
I am a soiled son from inside Punjab. I am nice and big, six
foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because
I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like
cricket and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come
running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of
my rapid balls that bounce a lot.
I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I
am jolly. I am gay. Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft.
I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies
to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I
am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every
morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am
pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am
pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.
I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always
open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself
only. What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday.
That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my
house and take my things into your hand.
If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving
you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in
the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I
will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head
between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope.
I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with
anticipation.
Expecting soon,
Yours and only yours
Choudhary Warraich born by mother in Okara and become big in
Lahore, Punjab.
Dear madam,
I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore.
Having seen y our advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press
myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.
I am a soiled son from inside Punjab. I am nice and big, six
foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because
I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like
cricket and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come
running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of
my rapid balls that bounce a lot.
I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I
am jolly. I am gay. Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft.
I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies
to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I
am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every
morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am
pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am
pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.
I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always
open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself
only. What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday.
That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my
house and take my things into your hand.
If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving
you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in
the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I
will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head
between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope.
I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with
anticipation.
Expecting soon,
Yours and only yours
Choudhary Warraich born by mother in Okara and become big in
Lahore, Punjab.
Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Little old lady:
I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you please tell us in your own words,
what happened on the night of April 1st?
Little old lady:
There I was, sitting on my porch on a warm spring evening
when a young man comes creeping up
and sat down next to me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little old lady:
No, but he was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little old lady:
He rubbed my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little old lady:
No.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little old lady:
It felt good.
No one had touched me since my Albert died.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little old lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little old lady:
No.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little old lady:
It made me feel alive and excited.
I hadn’t felt like that in years.
Defense Attorney:
What next?
Little old lady:
Well, by then I was all spicy.
I laid down and told him to take me…
Take me now!
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little old lady:
Hell, No!
He just yelled, “APRIL FOOL”,
and that’s when I shot the Motherfucker!
Will you please state your age?
Little old lady:
I am 94 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you please tell us in your own words,
what happened on the night of April 1st?
Little old lady:
There I was, sitting on my porch on a warm spring evening
when a young man comes creeping up
and sat down next to me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little old lady:
No, but he was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little old lady:
He rubbed my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little old lady:
No.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little old lady:
It felt good.
No one had touched me since my Albert died.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little old lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little old lady:
No.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little old lady:
It made me feel alive and excited.
I hadn’t felt like that in years.
Defense Attorney:
What next?
Little old lady:
Well, by then I was all spicy.
I laid down and told him to take me…
Take me now!
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little old lady:
Hell, No!
He just yelled, “APRIL FOOL”,
and that’s when I shot the Motherfucker!
Very good thread!
He said to me . ... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
I said to him .... . . You wear pants don't you?
He said to me ... . ......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
I said to him .... . . You wear pants don't you?
He said to me ... . ......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. .. I don't know; it has never happened
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. .. I don't know; it has never happened
He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
He said....What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.
He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
He said....What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.
He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge
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I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.
**
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland ?"
*
One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"
**
So I apologised and replied, "I am so sorry.* Are you three whales from Scotland?"
**
And that's the last thing I remember..........
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