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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
.....................
Nice one bro, but too small so I am blowing it up.
World sex record.
Trojan Games USA
Trojan Games - Judo
A young man gets sent to jail, and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk.
"Let's play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy."
"Then come up here and suck Mommy's dick."
"Let's play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy."
"Then come up here and suck Mommy's dick."
Ugh, near turned green with punchline. :o...a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk... Thinking quick, the man says "daddy."
"Then come up here and suck Mommy's dick."
And that Trojan job was quite a lift. New meaning to 'look, no hands!' :p
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Not so sure if erstwhile, but maybe crackpot. Btw, not from left but all off centre :p
...and old pic tells something of us oldie samurais
Old jokes so apologise if already posted.
An out of shape old guy was working out in the gym...
... when he spotted a sweet young thing. He asked the trainer that was near by "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?"
The trainer looked him up and down and said "I would try the ATM in the lobby."
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly...
... that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home- cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.
"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes."
"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. "I think it's a wonderful gesture."
"We hadn't started eating yet." He replied.
After several exciting dates, Jim invited Tina over to his house for a home-cooked dinner.
When she sat down at the table, she noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that she had ever seen in her life.
"Have these dishes ever been washed?" Tina asked, running her fingers over the grit and grime.
Jim replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them."
Tina felt a bit apprehensive, but started eating. It was really delicious and she said so, despite the dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, Jim took the dishes outside, whistled and yelled for his dogs, "Here, Soap! Here, Water!"
An out of shape old guy was working out in the gym...
... when he spotted a sweet young thing. He asked the trainer that was near by "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?"
The trainer looked him up and down and said "I would try the ATM in the lobby."
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly...
... that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home- cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.
"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes."
"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. "I think it's a wonderful gesture."
"We hadn't started eating yet." He replied.
After several exciting dates, Jim invited Tina over to his house for a home-cooked dinner.
When she sat down at the table, she noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that she had ever seen in her life.
"Have these dishes ever been washed?" Tina asked, running her fingers over the grit and grime.
Jim replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them."
Tina felt a bit apprehensive, but started eating. It was really delicious and she said so, despite the dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, Jim took the dishes outside, whistled and yelled for his dogs, "Here, Soap! Here, Water!"
Two newly ordained nuns decided to take a day out.
They went to London Zoo and were enjoying themselves, wandering around and looking at all the animals, and then they came upon the cage housing the gorillas.
As one of the nuns leaned forward to observe the gorillas more closely, the biggest of the gorillas took one look at this beautiful young nun, leapt forward, bent open the bars, grabbed her, dragged her into the cage and disappeared into the back of his cavern with her.
When the gorilla was finished with her, he came out of his cavern and ceremoniously thumped on his massive chest.
In the meantime, the nun managed to crawl and drag herself back out of the cage, and fell into the arms of the other nun.
She was completely dishevelled, her hair was a mess, her clothes all dusty and askew, her tights were laddered and torn.
She pulled herself together, straightened her dress and tidied herself up. She then turned to her friend and said, "Promise me one thing. Never, ever, mention this -- or even ask me what happened. Ever, ever again! Alright?"
The other nun agreed, and they made their way back to the convent.
The years passed. The two nuns remained loyal friends and never talked about that day again.
Many years later, in their convent, the nun lay dying.
At her bedside, the other nun, still her ever loyal friend, comforted her. Hesitantly, she finally said, "I know I promised to never ever talk about that incident at the zoo all those years ago... But, my dear, please... it won't go any further... I promise... I truly do! I've always wondered.... Can I ask you something?"
The dying nun nodded.
"Whatever was it that actually happened in the back of that cage between you and that gorilla...?" She hesitated again, then stammered, "That... That gorilla... Did... did he... did he hurt you?"
The other nun slowly turned and looked at her, a tear trickled from her eye, "Did he hurt me?!" She looked away and paused to take a breath.
The other nun patiently waited for her friend to finish.
"Oh, did he hurt me... He never wrote... He never called... He never even sent flowers....!"
They went to London Zoo and were enjoying themselves, wandering around and looking at all the animals, and then they came upon the cage housing the gorillas.
As one of the nuns leaned forward to observe the gorillas more closely, the biggest of the gorillas took one look at this beautiful young nun, leapt forward, bent open the bars, grabbed her, dragged her into the cage and disappeared into the back of his cavern with her.
When the gorilla was finished with her, he came out of his cavern and ceremoniously thumped on his massive chest.
In the meantime, the nun managed to crawl and drag herself back out of the cage, and fell into the arms of the other nun.
She was completely dishevelled, her hair was a mess, her clothes all dusty and askew, her tights were laddered and torn.
She pulled herself together, straightened her dress and tidied herself up. She then turned to her friend and said, "Promise me one thing. Never, ever, mention this -- or even ask me what happened. Ever, ever again! Alright?"
The other nun agreed, and they made their way back to the convent.
The years passed. The two nuns remained loyal friends and never talked about that day again.
Many years later, in their convent, the nun lay dying.
At her bedside, the other nun, still her ever loyal friend, comforted her. Hesitantly, she finally said, "I know I promised to never ever talk about that incident at the zoo all those years ago... But, my dear, please... it won't go any further... I promise... I truly do! I've always wondered.... Can I ask you something?"
The dying nun nodded.
"Whatever was it that actually happened in the back of that cage between you and that gorilla...?" She hesitated again, then stammered, "That... That gorilla... Did... did he... did he hurt you?"
The other nun slowly turned and looked at her, a tear trickled from her eye, "Did he hurt me?!" She looked away and paused to take a breath.
The other nun patiently waited for her friend to finish.
"Oh, did he hurt me... He never wrote... He never called... He never even sent flowers....!"
Sam and Abe, now in their eighties, first met in grade school. Their relationship now is playing cards, playing jokes and making bets.
One day Sam calls Abe and says, "I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars..."
Abe replies, "How can that be? If you know anything about biology you...."
Sam interrupts, "I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine YES OR NO?"
Abe says, "OK, OK. I'll take that bet. How long is yours soft?"
Sam answers, "Eleven years!"
“How’s your history paper coming?”
“Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it’s been very helpful.
“Really?”
“Yes! I’ve already located 17 people who sell them!”
One day Sam calls Abe and says, "I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars..."
Abe replies, "How can that be? If you know anything about biology you...."
Sam interrupts, "I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine YES OR NO?"
Abe says, "OK, OK. I'll take that bet. How long is yours soft?"
Sam answers, "Eleven years!"
“How’s your history paper coming?”
“Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it’s been very helpful.
“Really?”
“Yes! I’ve already located 17 people who sell them!”
The young Swedish au pair had been working for the couple for over a year. While pleasant and hardworking, the girl still struggled with English. One day she informed the lady of the house, that her boyfriend in the Army was coming for a visit.
"That's wonderful. How long is his furlough?"
"Oh... yust the same as husband's yours, but a little bit thicker."
One guy is very upset and yells at his friend.
"You slept with my wife, you son of a bitch. I’m gonna make you pay for what you did."
"Bullshit," replies the other one, "Why should I pay twice?"
John and Jill were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."
John says, "Well, give me some examples."
Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me.
"The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."
Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"
John proceeds to say, "Well, first before I do anything else, I lick the lock."
"That's wonderful. How long is his furlough?"
"Oh... yust the same as husband's yours, but a little bit thicker."
One guy is very upset and yells at his friend.
"You slept with my wife, you son of a bitch. I’m gonna make you pay for what you did."
"Bullshit," replies the other one, "Why should I pay twice?"
John and Jill were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."
John says, "Well, give me some examples."
Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me.
"The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."
Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"
John proceeds to say, "Well, first before I do anything else, I lick the lock."
The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet. The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude.
"That's okay with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get some wood for the fire." About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her bottom is blue. "What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks.
"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"
"Those troublemakers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts. He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar. "Who is the jerk who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.
A huge man, about 6' 8", steps forward, a shotgun in his hands. "I did it," he bellows. "What you got to say about it?"
The husband answers meekly, "I just wanted you to know the first coat’s dry."
Two farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbours, but didn’t like each other much. In 1989, there was a period of -30 degree centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it. So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the window ledge the longest with a bare ass.
After two hours Bob’s wife came home and asked Bob, “What are you doing?”
Bob explained and she said, “Come on… you will only freeze your ass off.”
Bob refused as he wanted to win the bet.
Then his wife got an idea. “Let’s change places when Joe is looking the other way.”
Bob’s wife put on the same kind of pullover and cap and traded places with Bob.
Half an hour later Joe’s wife came home and asked him, “What are you doing?”
Joe told her and said, “I am determined to win the bottle!”
“You are crazy. Come on in.”
“Certainly not, I am already on the winning side. Bob lost his balls half an hour ago!”
The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace.
“How many of you,” he asked, “would say you’re opposed to war?”
Not surprisingly, all hands went up.
The teacher asked, “Who’ll give us a reason for being opposed to war?”
Little Johnny raises his hand.
“Johnny?” the teacher prompted.
“I hate war,” Johnny said, “because wars make history, and I hate history.”
"That's okay with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get some wood for the fire." About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her bottom is blue. "What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks.
"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"
"Those troublemakers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts. He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar. "Who is the jerk who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.
A huge man, about 6' 8", steps forward, a shotgun in his hands. "I did it," he bellows. "What you got to say about it?"
The husband answers meekly, "I just wanted you to know the first coat’s dry."
Two farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbours, but didn’t like each other much. In 1989, there was a period of -30 degree centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it. So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the window ledge the longest with a bare ass.
After two hours Bob’s wife came home and asked Bob, “What are you doing?”
Bob explained and she said, “Come on… you will only freeze your ass off.”
Bob refused as he wanted to win the bet.
Then his wife got an idea. “Let’s change places when Joe is looking the other way.”
Bob’s wife put on the same kind of pullover and cap and traded places with Bob.
Half an hour later Joe’s wife came home and asked him, “What are you doing?”
Joe told her and said, “I am determined to win the bottle!”
“You are crazy. Come on in.”
“Certainly not, I am already on the winning side. Bob lost his balls half an hour ago!”
The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace.
“How many of you,” he asked, “would say you’re opposed to war?”
Not surprisingly, all hands went up.
The teacher asked, “Who’ll give us a reason for being opposed to war?”
Little Johnny raises his hand.
“Johnny?” the teacher prompted.
“I hate war,” Johnny said, “because wars make history, and I hate history.”
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Arh, no primer meh? :p
erection2015
Alfrescian (InfP) + C
so easy to recognise these 2 guys......Carrick and Van Persie la.
carnaval is here :p
The New Apple iTit.
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