Man who was waiting until marriage to have sex leaves internet in TEARS after revealing he and his wife of over a year still haven't been intimate due to brutal medical condition
By Lillian Gissen For Dailymail.Com18:47 GMT 22 Feb 2024 , updated 19:54 GMT 22 Feb 2024
- The man, named CJ, discussed the issue with relationship expert John Delony
- He said his wife was suffering from a condition known as vaginismus
- The husband asked advice on how he should combat his 'wants and desires'
A man who was waiting until marriage to have sex has left the internet in 'tears' after he revealed that he and his wife-of-over-a-year still haven't been intimate due to a brutal condition that makes intercourse extremely painful for her.
The man, named CJ, opened up about his predicament during a recent episode of acclaimed author and relationship expert John Delony's YouTube show.
He begged the host for advice on how he should combat his 'wants and desires' while still being a 'good husband' - and his admission sparked a fierce reaction from viewers.
Many people on the web felt terrible for CJ and his partner - and some even revealed that his story had made them emotional.
During the show, CJ, who did not share his last name, explained to John over the phone that both he and his wife grew up as devout Christians, which meant they were both 'virgins' when they tied the knot in November 2022.
'But then what happened was, we quickly found out once we were married that she suffers from a condition known as vaginismus,' he shared.
According to Cleveland Clinic, vaginismus is a 'involuntary tensing of the vagina' that people experience 'at the start of sex, while inserting a tampon, or while getting a pelvic exam.'
While the exact cause is unknown, factors that may contribute to the condition include anxiety disorders, injuries, or 'fear of sex or negative feelings about sex, perhaps due to past sexual abuse, rape or trauma.'
It can be treated with 'Kegels, vaginal dilators, and cognitive behavioral therapy.'
While chatting with John, CJ explained that his wife was working with a 'sexual psychologist, a physical therapist, and gynecologist' but that they still hadn't had intercourse due to her severe discomfort.
As for what may have contributed to it, CJ theorized that their strict religious beliefs likely played a large role.
'In Christian culture, sex goes from like a thing that's pretty much bad to something that's great and awesome as soon as you get married and I think that's just a really hard pivot to make. It's literally overnight,' he told John.
In the mean time, CJ explained that they 'try to be creative' since 'sex is way more than just that act.'
'But sometimes what I struggle with is, there are times for me where it just feels kind of incomplete,' he confessed. 'I feel like, there's supposed to be something more here.
'We both had a picture of what we thought we wanted things to be like in terms of sex and all that stuff, especially as Christians and virgins, and it just wasn't that.
What is vaginismus?
Vaginismus is a 'involuntary tensing of the vagina' that people experience 'at the start of sex, while inserting a tampon, or while getting a pelvic exam.'
While the exact cause is unknown, factors that may contribute to the condition include anxiety disorders, injuries, or 'fear of sex or negative feelings about sex, perhaps due to past sexual abuse, rape or trauma.'
It can be treated with 'Kegels, vaginal dilators, and cognitive behavioral therapy.'
Source: Cleveland Clinic
'It's been tough. And in the beginning, I thought it was me, you know? It felt like she was rejecting me.'
'How can I be the best husband that I can be right now while she's working through everything?' CJ asked John.
'Because obviously I have my own wants and desires which I think are perfectly natural.
'I want to have a full sexual relationship with my wife but that's just not possible right now.
'So my question is, how can I learn to be a good husband and to support and encourage her while also managing my own expectations?'
In response to his inquiry, John said that CJ should avoid 'keeping his disappointment and frustration' inside, and encouraged him to talk to his wife about what he's feeling.
'[If you don't], you'll start feeling anxious, you'll start feeling unable to sleep, you'll start getting short and snappy. And it will start this weird dance between you and your wife,' he warned.
'You should be able to talk about that struggle together because secrets will destroy a marriage.'
He added that CJ's feelings are completely understandable given the circumstances, and reminded him that the condition is 'super treatable.'
'You're not crazy and you're not a bad guy for this. You can be disappointed that you're not having sex because it does suck,' John told the caller.
'But don't think this is forever. I'm proud of you, keep walking with her, keep holding her hand. Your spirit is impressive and it really seems like you love this woman.
'Try to create a world where you can say the disappointments out loud, you can voice your frustrations and the things that make you sad out loud.
'And remember, there's gonna be challenges that hit you guys all the way through, that's just the nature of all relationships.'
John concluded by sharing a message to any of his viewers who may be struggling with something similar.
'If you have any sort of sexual pain or discomfort, if intimacy hurts, please go talk to a licensed professional,' he said.
'Even if it's embarrassing. It might be hard, it might be uncomfortable, but you're worth it.'
The comment section of the video was flooded with supportive messages for CJ and his spouse.
'The way this man speaks of his wife brought tears to me eyes,' one person wrote.
'Honestly, this caller is the sweetest guy ever. I hope his wife knows and appreciates that and I hope the doctors can work with her to help her with her condition,' said someone else.
'I wish them both the very best. He deserves all the happiness. What a sweet soul.'
Another added, 'I have faith in this couple. They seem so wholesome. Best of luck in their efforts.'
'This guy is definitely a keeper,' read a third comment, while a fourth said, 'God bless this young man. What a shining example of sacrificial love. This is what true love is.'
'Really good man. Strength comes in many forms. I salute you,' gushed a different user. This is the type of love I want,' admitted another viewer.
