This is how we do it: ‘We’re having an affair and meet every Thursday for sex marathons’
As told to Kitty DrakeSat, 16 September 2023 at 12:00 pm GMT+1·4-min read
Matthew, 58
I’ve been having an affair with Janice for three years. I am serially unfaithful but this is a record for me – usually my flings only last a few weeks. It’s not that I don’t enjoy being in a long-term partnership: I’ve been married for nearly three decades and I like doing quiet, domestic things with my wife such as cooking and picking out furniture. The problem is that I crave excitement, too.
I cheated with about 50 women before Janice. I would like to blame my good looks, but I can’t. I’m not especially handsome or dazzlingly intelligent, but I am good at asking questions – and that tends to make people let their guard down. Generally, I have affairs with colleagues. When I look at staff group photographs, I can tick off all of the women who have been in my bed.
Janice and I meet up at her house and have sex marathons. My style is extremely slow. I think Janice was alarmed the first time we did it because I kissed her everywhere, even the backs of her knees. She kept asking me to hurry up but I had my own game to play. Sex is a skill, just like playing an instrument, or woodwork. I have spent untold hours honing my craft.
Sex with Janice can last five hours, but in the middle we always take a conversation break. I keep a list of topics on my phone and I’ll pick one out at random to get an intimate conversation started – it could be ex-partners, or bad dates, or orgasms. Janice is very funny and charismatic, and I like talking to her about all my shagging. I started spilling my secrets because I was trying to make Janice laugh, but I’ve grown to realise that I actually like the feeling of confessing. After spending 40 years lying to the women I sleep with, this is a new thrill.
I haven’t pursued another woman since I first slept with Janice, so in a sense, this is my first monogamous relationship. I still live with my wife but we barely sleep together. Janice only lets me see her once a week because she says I start to annoy her after more than 24 hours. Her brutal honesty keeps me keen.
Janice, 60
I think of Matthew as my Thursday-night boyfriend. The first time we slept together – on a work trip – it was a Thursday, so somehow that’s become our special day.
I was married for 20 years and that put me off full-time relationships. Most men in their 50s aren’t looking for a date; they’re looking for a live-in housekeeper. (Although to give Matthew credit, he does make an excellent dinner.) But I prefer being alone and in control of my own space. If Matthew stays at my house for more than one night we start fighting about random things such as loo roll. He is obsessed with making sure the end square hangs at the front like a fringe, not at the back like a mullet. I couldn’t care less.
Before I slept with Matthew I had no idea he was so promiscuous. He always seemed so professional and buttoned up. I was quite confused the first time we had sex because he did everything so slowly. He licked me on every single part of my body – he even tried to lick my armpit. I was worried I would never be allowed to go to sleep.
Related: This is how we do it: ‘Every few weeks we both go out on our own and sleep with another man’
Once I got used to Matthew’s pace, I started to enjoy myself. He takes a lot of pride in what he does and it shows. He can spend a whole hour massaging me before we even get naked. I had never been with a man who is interested in perfecting his lovemaking skills. He sees himself as a kind of sex artist.
I know Matthew has cheated on every woman he’s ever been with, so I’m amazed it hasn’t happened yet. I’d let a one-night stand slide, but if he started sleeping with another woman every Tuesday, I’d end our relationship.
Sometimes I stay at Matthew’s house when his wife is away. He takes photographs of all the knick-knacks before I arrive so he can replace everything exactly where it was after I leave – but I’m sure she suspects something. I’d know if another woman had been in my house. Perhaps it’s convenient for her: she gets domestic Matthew and I get the sex.
