Blondes

[erection2015]

Blonde and her boyfriend were strolling on the beach.

Boyfriend : ' Hey , look at the dead bird '

Blonde ( looking up in the sky ) ' Where? I cant see it '

 

[neddy]

(Jokes from an Aussie pub)

What caused the hour long traffic jam in Perth?
4 blonde drivers in 4 cars waiting at a roundabout.

What do blondes and XXXX beer bottles have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up.

Why does the kiwi blonde keep a wire coat hanger in the back of her car?
In case she lock her car keys in.

What do you call the kiwi brunette between 2 aussie blondes?
An interpreter.

What is the difference between a smart Tassie (Tasmania) blonde and a Tasmania tiger (extinct)?
Maybe someday, we will find the tiger.

Why do the Aussie blonde keeps an empty milk jug in the fridge?
In case her Yankee boyfriend wants black coffee.

A blonde locked her 3 blonde mates in a Holden and the locksmith charged her triple the price to get them out. Why?
Because she made him unlock 3 doors to get all 3 of them out.

 

[erection2015]

The blonde was seated next to the muslim lady on the flight from Singapore to Sydney.

After takeoff the blonde was asked by the stewardess what she wanted to drink .

Blonde : ' Vodka lime please '

Then the stewardess asked the muslim lady if she would like any alcoholic drink

Muslim lady : ' I'd rather have 50 guys raping me savagely than to touch a drop of alcohol '

The blonde then quickly said : ' Stewardess, can i change my mind ? Forget my vodka lime, i want the same as this lady next to me '

 

[Windsor]

It Hurts

---

A gorgeous young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me"

The brunette takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony.

She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams.

Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?

"Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

 

[erection2015]

A blonde heard that bathing in milk would make her beautiful. So she left a note for the milkman to deliver 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note he felt that there must have been a mistake and that the order was 2.5 gallons instead.

He knocked on the door so as to clarify. The blonde opened the door and the milkman said, 'Maam did you mean 2.5 gallons instead of 25 gallons ?'

The blonde explained , 'No i need 25 gallons cos i want to fill up my bathtub and take a milk bath and look even younger and more beautiful.'

The milkman then asked , ' Do you want it pasteurised ?' The blonde answered ' No need to , just fill it up to my tits and I can splash it on my eyes'

 

[Windsor]

A young blonde woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do. What size would you like?"
The blonde responds, "Oh, just mix them up, I am not going steady with anyone right now."

 

[Windsor]

A guy took a blonde out on a date one night. Eventually, they ended up parked at 'lovers point' where they started making out. After things started to progress, the guy thought he might get lucky. After a few more minutes of fooling around, he asked his date, "Do you want to get into the back seat?"

"NO!" she answered.

Okay, he thought, maybe she's not ready yet. Now he has her shirt and skirt off and the windows are steamed. Things are getting really hot, so he asks again, "Do you want to get into the back seat?"

"NO!" she answers again.

Now he has her bra off, they're both very sweaty, and she even has his pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now. "Do you want to get into the back seat NOW?" he asks again.

"NO!" she answers yet again.

Frustrated, he asks the blonde, "Well, why not?"

"Because I want to stay up here with you!"

 

[Windsor]

A very well-built young blond was lying on her psychiatrist's couch, telling him how frustrated she was.

"I tried to be an actress and failed," she complained. "I tried to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too."

The shrink thought for a moment and said... "Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don't you try nursing?"

The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful breasts, points it at the shrink, and says, "Well go ahead, I'll give it a try!"

 

[Windsor]

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind.
Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them.
He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I hadn’t paid for them yet.
Now just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid.
So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year, namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!
‘Helllooooo!!’ (I told him). ‘It’s been a year!’
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up…he hasn’t called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me.
Bet he won’t underestimate my intelligence again

 

[Froggy]

Some jokes can change the word blondes to mat or mina

 

[erection2015]

Friend : Do you know a man with one eye named Ed?

Blonde : Umm not too sure if i do....whats the name of the other eye ?

 

[erection2015]

here she is again.

 

[Windsor]

[video=youtube_share;0zgNNOxTEsU]http://youtu.be/0zgNNOxTEsU[/video]

 

[erection2015]

2 blondes were sipping coffee at a cafe when a large truck loaded with sod went past them.

Blonde # 1 .... Ah i'm going to do that when i win the lottery

Blonde # 2 ..... Do what dear ?

Blonde # 1 ...... send my lawn out to be mowed

 

[erection2015]

Blonde :.... I don't understand it. This big guy came a few days ago and asked if my husband was in. I said No, then he pushed me over to the couch and screwed me twice.

Two days later he came again and asked me the same question. When i said that my husband was not in he did the same thing to me.

Then yesterday he did the very same thing. I just dont understand this.

Friend : This is terrible.....anyway what about this dont you understand?

Blonde : I dont understand what this guy wants with my husband and why he just doesnt call him on his mobile.

 

[Thick Face Black Heart]

A blonde walks into a hair salon to get her hair cut wearing headphones. The stylist asks her to take off her headphones but the blonde refuses. So the stylist takes them off and the blonde collapses to the ground and dies. The stylist picks up the headphones and hears, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out..."

 

[Thick Face Black Heart]

One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggled and replied, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

 

[Thick Face Black Heart]

A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!"

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup."Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "MANDY!"

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks - "What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?"

"Ohhhh, that!" replies the airhead,"I was just running through that song - 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'

 

[Thick Face Black Heart]

John gets a call from his very blonde girlfriend Buffy.

"I've got a problem," says Buffy.

"What's the matter?" asks John.

"Well, I bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

"What's the picture of?" asks John.

"It's of a big rooster," replies Buffy.

"All right," says John. "I'll come over and have a look."

So he goes over to Buffy's house and she greets him by saying, "Thanks for coming over." Buffy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw puzzle on the kitchen table.

John looks at the puzzle and then turns to her and says, "For heaven's sake, Buffy, put the corn flakes back in the box."

 

[erection2015]

Blonde on the phone with mum : ' Hey mum its really exciting, after 8 months I finally completed the jigsaw puzzle. The box said 2 to 4 years '