erection2015
Alfrescian (InfP) + C
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways
out of this airplane..."
Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am
going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you
wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold
outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We
hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking
you for a ride."
As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front
of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from
the overhead bins. The head attendant announced on the intercom, "This
aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the
cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until
the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be
strip-searched as they leave the aircraft."
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care
when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like
that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
>From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight
XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the
buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if
you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in
public unsupervised.
In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it
over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure
your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two
small children, decide now which one you love more.
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest
Airlines."
"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the
overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before
assisting children or adults acting like children."
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
"Last one off the plane must clean it."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have
some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately
none of them are on this flight...!"
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the
gate!"
Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We
ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
terminal."
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said
that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart
comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old
lady walking with a cane.
She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "What is it?"
The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came
on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until
Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the
warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your
way through the wreckage to the terminal.
Part of a Flight Attendants arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the
insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways
out of this airplane..."
Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am
going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you
wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold
outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We
hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking
you for a ride."
As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front
of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from
the overhead bins. The head attendant announced on the intercom, "This
aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the
cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until
the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be
strip-searched as they leave the aircraft."
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care
when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like
that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
>From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight
XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the
buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if
you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in
public unsupervised.
In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it
over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure
your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two
small children, decide now which one you love more.
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest
Airlines."
"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the
overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before
assisting children or adults acting like children."
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the
flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
"Last one off the plane must clean it."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have
some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately
none of them are on this flight...!"
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the
gate!"
Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We
ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
terminal."
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said
that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart
comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old
lady walking with a cane.
She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "What is it?"
The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came
on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until
Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the
warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your
way through the wreckage to the terminal.
Part of a Flight Attendants arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the
insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
