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SINGAPORE : Welcome to News Today.
First, the headlines: An independent civilian organisation known as The SPGs (pronounced "es-per-gers") have begun a campaign to get Orchard Towers declared a national landmark. But this just in: We've received news from the set of The Noose. A scuffle has just broken out among The Noose's key personnel: Anchors BB See and Adrianna Wow, and reporters Andre Chichak and Jojo Joget.
According to eyewitnesses, it resulted in name-calling and hair-pulling. No casualties were reported. The bone of contention: That at the recent MediaCorp News Awards ceremony held on May 21, The Noose was shut out entirely. The show received no nominations despite falling very decidedly into both the "news" and "MediaCorp" categories.
With the show returning for a third season, was this a deliberate snub? And whose fault was it? The members of The Noose blame one another.
Remonstrative reactions rock Noose-room
News Today understands that the cast of The Noose have taken being left out of the MediaCorp News Awards very seriously.
"Oh man, I was so P-O'd," stated reporter Andre Chichak. "I think the fact that we have three seasons shows that we are just as good as CNA or the real news, if not better."
Anchorman BB See - born See Beh Biang - however, had a different take on the situation. "I was not surprised that the show was not nominated. It's not very good," he said. "But I believe that I ought to be nominated."
Mr See went on to state that it was his drive "to tell the world the truth" that made him such a qualified and serious journalist. "Because that's what we do on The Noose. We're so passionate about what we say on The Noose. I think people should see that and really believe what we say."
When asked for her reaction, Ms Adrianna Wow opined loudly: "What? What do you mean we're not nominated? After all the time and money I've spent on my hair and face, I mean, make-up?"
Follicular fault-finding and finger-pointing
Although none of the cast members could state definitively the reason for The Noose receiving zero nominations, the predominant theory seemed to be hair-related.
"It's obvious, isn't it?" said Ms Wow, who was born in Asia but claims to be American.
"It's all because of that BB whatever his last name is. The one who sits next to me in the studio. The MediaCorp News Awards would never nominate a news programme anchored by someone with a balding pate.
"I don't think any of the anchors at CNA has as little hair as he does. Some have bad hair maybe, but at least they've got hair. His lack of hair just makes our show seem less credible."
The other members of the Noose-room were in consensus. "BB is smelly. His scalp is flaky. Be careful," warned Mr Chichak.
Mr Jojo Joget agreed: "He's balding - probably because of some fungal infection, which is not good for image! It's very distracting."
Not content to bring down just one of his colleagues, the disgruntled Mr Joget went on to target Ms Wow. "The hair and the brain don't match," he said. "Big hair, small brain."
But when questioned about his hair, Mr See, a graduate of Harvard, Stanford, Yale, Oxford and Cambridge universities, bristled: "What about it? Who's balding? No one's balding."
The fatty tissue issue
Meanwhile, Ms Wow suggested another reason for the show's snub at the awards: Mr Joget's ample figure. Ms Wow, fluent in US-spoken English, US-spoken Hokkien and US-spoken Cantonese, said: "I think he definitely needs to lose weight. I don't think anyone over 50kg should be allowed to go on TV. I know a slimming boutique where Michelle Chong is the spokesperson, and they're really good.
"But I didn't sabotage him. He sabotaged himself because the news awards would never nominate an overweight - or balding - TV presenter," she said, before adding, "Jojo is the fat dude who rocks too much when he's reporting, right?"
Mr Joget - born Mohamad Mat Yoyo - asserted that his colleagues, motivated by weight-based discrimination, were trying to put the blame on him so he would be made redundant. "It's a conspiracy!" he shouted. "I think they're using this whole issue to kick me out of Noose. I mean, I have six children to take care of. And a wife. And five girlfriends. It's very sad."
He added: "They feel threatened because I'm so good. It's obvious that great things are happening for me. So they are doing this out of jealousy. They want to put the noose around my neck!"
Mr Chichak, a graduate of Farquhar Polytechnic's Stage Choreography For Intergrated Resort Cabarets course, pointed his finger at yet another inept colleague. "If anybody is going to get fired, it should be Jacques Ooi," he said of his fellow reporter. Viewers may recognise Mr Ooi's work as a hand model for Crimewatch seasons 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 7.
Added Mr Chichak: "He's so fake all the time. Just like his nose. You know how old he is? Like, 70. Okay, maybe 50. He's got fake everything - fake eyelashes, fake cheeks, maybe even a fake butt."
The blame game
However, after much probing, Mr Chichak spilled the proverbial beans, confessing to his own involvement in the programme's lack of nominations on awards night. "My boss told me to handle the nomination application - all the video footage had to be sent in to the judging committee," he admitted. "I was really busy that day, 'cos I was going out to shoot a story about taxi drivers. So I called Jojo, who had nothing to do that day. I asked him to send all footage in before five o'clock.
"The next day, I checked with him and he said he'd left everything on his desk in the office because he'd been preparing to go out dancing! I'm like, 'That's so typical, right?' It's all his fault."
Mr Joget, a kampung yo-yo champion once known for performing death-defying yo-yo tricks while dancing to old P Ramlee songs, insisted that this new allegation proved the veracity of his conspiracy theory. "Three against one - who would believe me? I'm a victim!"
Still, he vowed to carry on in the face of such victimisation. "I'm a tough cookie to crack," said Mr Joget. "Next year, I say to everyone, with or without The Noose, I will be personally nominated! And I don't care which category!"
At the time of this report, News Today understands that Mr Jerry Springer has been brought in to help the The Noose team resolve their issues.
This has been News Today. Thank you for tuning in. And now, the weather report.
The third season of "The Noose" premieres June 1, 8.30pm, on MediaCorp TV Channel 5.
- TODAY/il
First, the headlines: An independent civilian organisation known as The SPGs (pronounced "es-per-gers") have begun a campaign to get Orchard Towers declared a national landmark. But this just in: We've received news from the set of The Noose. A scuffle has just broken out among The Noose's key personnel: Anchors BB See and Adrianna Wow, and reporters Andre Chichak and Jojo Joget.
According to eyewitnesses, it resulted in name-calling and hair-pulling. No casualties were reported. The bone of contention: That at the recent MediaCorp News Awards ceremony held on May 21, The Noose was shut out entirely. The show received no nominations despite falling very decidedly into both the "news" and "MediaCorp" categories.
With the show returning for a third season, was this a deliberate snub? And whose fault was it? The members of The Noose blame one another.
Remonstrative reactions rock Noose-room
News Today understands that the cast of The Noose have taken being left out of the MediaCorp News Awards very seriously.
"Oh man, I was so P-O'd," stated reporter Andre Chichak. "I think the fact that we have three seasons shows that we are just as good as CNA or the real news, if not better."
Anchorman BB See - born See Beh Biang - however, had a different take on the situation. "I was not surprised that the show was not nominated. It's not very good," he said. "But I believe that I ought to be nominated."
Mr See went on to state that it was his drive "to tell the world the truth" that made him such a qualified and serious journalist. "Because that's what we do on The Noose. We're so passionate about what we say on The Noose. I think people should see that and really believe what we say."
When asked for her reaction, Ms Adrianna Wow opined loudly: "What? What do you mean we're not nominated? After all the time and money I've spent on my hair and face, I mean, make-up?"
Follicular fault-finding and finger-pointing
Although none of the cast members could state definitively the reason for The Noose receiving zero nominations, the predominant theory seemed to be hair-related.
"It's obvious, isn't it?" said Ms Wow, who was born in Asia but claims to be American.
"It's all because of that BB whatever his last name is. The one who sits next to me in the studio. The MediaCorp News Awards would never nominate a news programme anchored by someone with a balding pate.
"I don't think any of the anchors at CNA has as little hair as he does. Some have bad hair maybe, but at least they've got hair. His lack of hair just makes our show seem less credible."
The other members of the Noose-room were in consensus. "BB is smelly. His scalp is flaky. Be careful," warned Mr Chichak.
Mr Jojo Joget agreed: "He's balding - probably because of some fungal infection, which is not good for image! It's very distracting."
Not content to bring down just one of his colleagues, the disgruntled Mr Joget went on to target Ms Wow. "The hair and the brain don't match," he said. "Big hair, small brain."
But when questioned about his hair, Mr See, a graduate of Harvard, Stanford, Yale, Oxford and Cambridge universities, bristled: "What about it? Who's balding? No one's balding."
The fatty tissue issue
Meanwhile, Ms Wow suggested another reason for the show's snub at the awards: Mr Joget's ample figure. Ms Wow, fluent in US-spoken English, US-spoken Hokkien and US-spoken Cantonese, said: "I think he definitely needs to lose weight. I don't think anyone over 50kg should be allowed to go on TV. I know a slimming boutique where Michelle Chong is the spokesperson, and they're really good.
"But I didn't sabotage him. He sabotaged himself because the news awards would never nominate an overweight - or balding - TV presenter," she said, before adding, "Jojo is the fat dude who rocks too much when he's reporting, right?"
Mr Joget - born Mohamad Mat Yoyo - asserted that his colleagues, motivated by weight-based discrimination, were trying to put the blame on him so he would be made redundant. "It's a conspiracy!" he shouted. "I think they're using this whole issue to kick me out of Noose. I mean, I have six children to take care of. And a wife. And five girlfriends. It's very sad."
He added: "They feel threatened because I'm so good. It's obvious that great things are happening for me. So they are doing this out of jealousy. They want to put the noose around my neck!"
Mr Chichak, a graduate of Farquhar Polytechnic's Stage Choreography For Intergrated Resort Cabarets course, pointed his finger at yet another inept colleague. "If anybody is going to get fired, it should be Jacques Ooi," he said of his fellow reporter. Viewers may recognise Mr Ooi's work as a hand model for Crimewatch seasons 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 7.
Added Mr Chichak: "He's so fake all the time. Just like his nose. You know how old he is? Like, 70. Okay, maybe 50. He's got fake everything - fake eyelashes, fake cheeks, maybe even a fake butt."
The blame game
However, after much probing, Mr Chichak spilled the proverbial beans, confessing to his own involvement in the programme's lack of nominations on awards night. "My boss told me to handle the nomination application - all the video footage had to be sent in to the judging committee," he admitted. "I was really busy that day, 'cos I was going out to shoot a story about taxi drivers. So I called Jojo, who had nothing to do that day. I asked him to send all footage in before five o'clock.
"The next day, I checked with him and he said he'd left everything on his desk in the office because he'd been preparing to go out dancing! I'm like, 'That's so typical, right?' It's all his fault."
Mr Joget, a kampung yo-yo champion once known for performing death-defying yo-yo tricks while dancing to old P Ramlee songs, insisted that this new allegation proved the veracity of his conspiracy theory. "Three against one - who would believe me? I'm a victim!"
Still, he vowed to carry on in the face of such victimisation. "I'm a tough cookie to crack," said Mr Joget. "Next year, I say to everyone, with or without The Noose, I will be personally nominated! And I don't care which category!"
At the time of this report, News Today understands that Mr Jerry Springer has been brought in to help the The Noose team resolve their issues.
This has been News Today. Thank you for tuning in. And now, the weather report.
The third season of "The Noose" premieres June 1, 8.30pm, on MediaCorp TV Channel 5.
- TODAY/il
