Transmodified from hxxp://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/1251575/1/.html
PEASANTPORE: The Traffic Poodles are mulling revenue options keeping closer watch on the roads after the horrific Tampines accident.
Besides deploying more poodles to clear roads for VIPs and wealthy merchants, they are also studying the possibility of increase revenues by adding more speed cameras to turn motorists into cash cow.
The move is aimed at increasing revenues using traffic violations by motorists during high profile road accidents.
Last year, the Traffic Poodles recorded 327,500 traffic violations - 3.6 per cent more than the year before, easily boosting revenues to increase bonuses for Traffic Poodle commanders.
Using high-tech spy video recording, Traffic Poodles were able to rack up profits by recording 316,214 hapless peasant motorist offenders in 2011, and 304,472 in 2010. Ruler Loong is pleased that the Poodles are finally taking their jobs serious to increase state revenues rather than escorting VIPs.
Poodles claimed their KPIs at about converting 900 violations to lucrative fines every day. The KPIs are revised upwards yearly to keep up with inflation.
Most involved motorists speeding and beating red lights. In addition, it is understood that opposition wards like Aljunied and Hougang will be targeted by the Traffic Poodles to harvest fines.
Other common Asiatic traffic violations road-hogging, using a mobile phone while driving, and failing to signal.
The Traffic Poodles also hint motorists will on be cracked down or fined after a through background check so that only ordinary peasant motorists receive the summons.
Lackey Cheang Keng King, Chief Enunch of Traffic Poodles, said: "KNNCCB, never see traffic poodles, all wanna be Alonso huh, when got traffic poodles, all drive like old aunties? You think i Ah Cheang is idiot and only attend Sunday church is it huh? KBBCCB, this Lackey Baey already write letter to us for the Tampines accident liao, of course must wayang a bit. I proclaim zapping Febuary leave for traffic poodles and they will go onto the roads to round up all those farking Alonso-wannabes."
To do this, they will beef up enforcement, foreigners will be hired as auxiliary poodles. More spy & peep cameras contracts will be awarded to grassroot controlled firms by 2014. In addition, AIM will be enagaged to computerise summonses to increase summon turnover time. Lackey Cheang will consult with Geylang OKTs on the possibility of adding more electronic eyes to the roads since they are experts at putting cameras in hotel fuck rooms.
In response to this, the Peasantpore Road Safety Council, in hibernation for many full moons suddenly moans it welcomes the increased measures by Traffic Poodles to convert high-risk behaviour into profit opportunities.
Its Chair Enunch Bastard Tay said: "We must be smart and not allow Ang Moh and Bapok cyclists to hijack the Tampines accident for their own selfish agenda. I wayang agree using profitable summons are urgently needed for the protection and safety of other road users. Increased vigour by Traffic Poodles to work with Geylang OKTs to purchase spy videos and cameras are clever measures. It will lumpar deter other peasant motorists who are tempted to flout safety rules whenever they are in a hurry.
But I must warn peasants to lower their expectations, the new harsh rulings will not apply to well connected VIPs ok. Already got Woffles Wu as an example liao. He beat red light, case pending for years, lied and got his slave to take the rap. Netizens groan and moan, so in the end, lan lan fined $1500. Other lesser peasants, use your cock sense and wised up ok! Do not understand, retake your PSLE can!?"
On the whole, the Poodles claimed traffic situation last year has improved, with fewer accidents and casualties because they encouraged peasants to give up reporting less serious accidents.
By under-reporting accidents, Poodles claimed there were 7,168 accidents involving injuries and fatalities in 2012, a drop of nearly 760 cases, compared to 7,926 accidents in 2011.
By sending X-Files crew to destroy evidence and corpose, the total number of road fatalities also dipped - registering a decrease from 195 in 2011 to 169 in 2012. However the same numbers showed up elsewhere as 'missing persons & stolen cars' cases.
Sly tricks were used to show figures for motorcyclists and their pillions, as well as pedestrians - also saw improvement.
By classifying Matland registered motorists as aliens, motorcycle fatalities fell to 76 in 2012, from 99 the year before. Similar using the same tricks, pedestrian deaths dropped slightly - from 49 in 2011 to 44 in 2012 because unclaimed bodies, foreigners suspected, are not counted.
Still, the Poodles say while they may use profitable summons to lower traffic violations, it's important to drive home that only lesser motorists and pedestrians will be targeted in this cleanup. Opposition ward motorists and their appeals will not be shown mercy. Reckless but rich drivers will only do community works if caught and will benefit from outreach efforts.
Rich merchants' children are one group of road users the Poodle will pay close attention to. Lackey Cheang is mulling to create Rich Merchants Zones where only luxurious cars can be found on the road to keep out the racer bengs and lorry gangsters.
The Poodles will still use Ruler Loong's doctrine, 'cyclists and the elderly die, their families' problem'.
Lackey Cheang added: "KNNCCB lah, if peasants die, you think I care meh? My church says if i donate 10%, i sure go to Paradise, so you all think i care huh? As long i deliver my KPI and increase traffic summons and contribute to Ho Jinx's gambling funds, i am set for life liao. You all lumpar think all those Jane Austen like programmes we have with the public schools, wayang visits to the road safety park useful meh?
KNNCCB, just to say hor, when cross roads or driving, all better eyes open big big. Do not walk, drive or cycle like eyes got stamp ok. Easy to say, die one not my relative mah, so can talk cock. Asiatic country is like that one, got people die, we always shameless use Jane Austen logic and blame their parents woh!! Hee hee...."
The Poodles are also looking into the possibility of harsher fines for traffic offences that occur in school zones or rich condo residential areas.
Accidents involving heavy vehicles driven and owned by gangsters have also come under the spotlight.
This comes after the recent case of two brothers Nigel and Donovan Yap, who were both killed earlier this week a cement-mixer truck driven by an Asiatic devil may care gangster driver.
Traffic Poodles say accidents involving heavy vehicles with injuries or fatalities are not serious. Many noise are created by Ang Moh cyclists. Poodles says those those accidents made up just 3 per cent of the total number in the last three years and only involved poor peasants, not VIPs.
Minion Tarman is pushing for increased traffic summons and details will be made available in the upcoming Budget debate to grow Traffic Poodles income.
PEASANTPORE: The Traffic Poodles are mulling revenue options keeping closer watch on the roads after the horrific Tampines accident.
Besides deploying more poodles to clear roads for VIPs and wealthy merchants, they are also studying the possibility of increase revenues by adding more speed cameras to turn motorists into cash cow.
The move is aimed at increasing revenues using traffic violations by motorists during high profile road accidents.
Last year, the Traffic Poodles recorded 327,500 traffic violations - 3.6 per cent more than the year before, easily boosting revenues to increase bonuses for Traffic Poodle commanders.
Using high-tech spy video recording, Traffic Poodles were able to rack up profits by recording 316,214 hapless peasant motorist offenders in 2011, and 304,472 in 2010. Ruler Loong is pleased that the Poodles are finally taking their jobs serious to increase state revenues rather than escorting VIPs.
Poodles claimed their KPIs at about converting 900 violations to lucrative fines every day. The KPIs are revised upwards yearly to keep up with inflation.
Most involved motorists speeding and beating red lights. In addition, it is understood that opposition wards like Aljunied and Hougang will be targeted by the Traffic Poodles to harvest fines.
Other common Asiatic traffic violations road-hogging, using a mobile phone while driving, and failing to signal.
The Traffic Poodles also hint motorists will on be cracked down or fined after a through background check so that only ordinary peasant motorists receive the summons.
Lackey Cheang Keng King, Chief Enunch of Traffic Poodles, said: "KNNCCB, never see traffic poodles, all wanna be Alonso huh, when got traffic poodles, all drive like old aunties? You think i Ah Cheang is idiot and only attend Sunday church is it huh? KBBCCB, this Lackey Baey already write letter to us for the Tampines accident liao, of course must wayang a bit. I proclaim zapping Febuary leave for traffic poodles and they will go onto the roads to round up all those farking Alonso-wannabes."
To do this, they will beef up enforcement, foreigners will be hired as auxiliary poodles. More spy & peep cameras contracts will be awarded to grassroot controlled firms by 2014. In addition, AIM will be enagaged to computerise summonses to increase summon turnover time. Lackey Cheang will consult with Geylang OKTs on the possibility of adding more electronic eyes to the roads since they are experts at putting cameras in hotel fuck rooms.
In response to this, the Peasantpore Road Safety Council, in hibernation for many full moons suddenly moans it welcomes the increased measures by Traffic Poodles to convert high-risk behaviour into profit opportunities.
Its Chair Enunch Bastard Tay said: "We must be smart and not allow Ang Moh and Bapok cyclists to hijack the Tampines accident for their own selfish agenda. I wayang agree using profitable summons are urgently needed for the protection and safety of other road users. Increased vigour by Traffic Poodles to work with Geylang OKTs to purchase spy videos and cameras are clever measures. It will lumpar deter other peasant motorists who are tempted to flout safety rules whenever they are in a hurry.
But I must warn peasants to lower their expectations, the new harsh rulings will not apply to well connected VIPs ok. Already got Woffles Wu as an example liao. He beat red light, case pending for years, lied and got his slave to take the rap. Netizens groan and moan, so in the end, lan lan fined $1500. Other lesser peasants, use your cock sense and wised up ok! Do not understand, retake your PSLE can!?"
On the whole, the Poodles claimed traffic situation last year has improved, with fewer accidents and casualties because they encouraged peasants to give up reporting less serious accidents.
By under-reporting accidents, Poodles claimed there were 7,168 accidents involving injuries and fatalities in 2012, a drop of nearly 760 cases, compared to 7,926 accidents in 2011.
By sending X-Files crew to destroy evidence and corpose, the total number of road fatalities also dipped - registering a decrease from 195 in 2011 to 169 in 2012. However the same numbers showed up elsewhere as 'missing persons & stolen cars' cases.
Sly tricks were used to show figures for motorcyclists and their pillions, as well as pedestrians - also saw improvement.
By classifying Matland registered motorists as aliens, motorcycle fatalities fell to 76 in 2012, from 99 the year before. Similar using the same tricks, pedestrian deaths dropped slightly - from 49 in 2011 to 44 in 2012 because unclaimed bodies, foreigners suspected, are not counted.
Still, the Poodles say while they may use profitable summons to lower traffic violations, it's important to drive home that only lesser motorists and pedestrians will be targeted in this cleanup. Opposition ward motorists and their appeals will not be shown mercy. Reckless but rich drivers will only do community works if caught and will benefit from outreach efforts.
Rich merchants' children are one group of road users the Poodle will pay close attention to. Lackey Cheang is mulling to create Rich Merchants Zones where only luxurious cars can be found on the road to keep out the racer bengs and lorry gangsters.
The Poodles will still use Ruler Loong's doctrine, 'cyclists and the elderly die, their families' problem'.
Lackey Cheang added: "KNNCCB lah, if peasants die, you think I care meh? My church says if i donate 10%, i sure go to Paradise, so you all think i care huh? As long i deliver my KPI and increase traffic summons and contribute to Ho Jinx's gambling funds, i am set for life liao. You all lumpar think all those Jane Austen like programmes we have with the public schools, wayang visits to the road safety park useful meh?
KNNCCB, just to say hor, when cross roads or driving, all better eyes open big big. Do not walk, drive or cycle like eyes got stamp ok. Easy to say, die one not my relative mah, so can talk cock. Asiatic country is like that one, got people die, we always shameless use Jane Austen logic and blame their parents woh!! Hee hee...."
The Poodles are also looking into the possibility of harsher fines for traffic offences that occur in school zones or rich condo residential areas.
Accidents involving heavy vehicles driven and owned by gangsters have also come under the spotlight.
This comes after the recent case of two brothers Nigel and Donovan Yap, who were both killed earlier this week a cement-mixer truck driven by an Asiatic devil may care gangster driver.
Traffic Poodles say accidents involving heavy vehicles with injuries or fatalities are not serious. Many noise are created by Ang Moh cyclists. Poodles says those those accidents made up just 3 per cent of the total number in the last three years and only involved poor peasants, not VIPs.
Minion Tarman is pushing for increased traffic summons and details will be made available in the upcoming Budget debate to grow Traffic Poodles income.
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