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A young generation of 'softies'?
Parents, experts weigh in on issue of today's mollycoddled children
By Jessica Lim
WHEN classes ended at a primary school in Bishan yesterday afternoon, several pupils trotted out, followed by women carrying their school bags.
Over in Sengkang in the evening, maids and parents milled outside a primary school. When its gates opened, children rushed out and some immediately handed over their bags to the adults.
It is a daily sight - maids, parents and grandparents taking on the load, even when the child is clearly able to carry the bag himself.
But 20 out of 25 Singaporean parents interviewed see nothing wrong with this. They say school bags are so heavy these days that it is perfectly fine for adults to help carry them, especially if the children are in primary school.
So either parents do it, or they ask their maids to, out of 'motherly love', said one parent.
But other parents caution that it can become a problem if children demand that their maids lug their bags for them all the time - and they are not around to put a stop to that.
Indeed, might this habit even persist when they are into their late teens?
That, at least, has been a talking point since a photograph surfaced on The Straits Times online portal Stomp last week.
It showed a full-time national serviceman (NSF) in uniform walking with his hands free, and a woman - presumably the maid - behind him carrying his army field pack.
The picture has attracted thousands of comments on Stomp, online forums and social networking site Facebook, with people questioning if Singapore's current generation of youth are 'softies'.
It also led to another photo - believed to be doctored - showing the same NSF, but this time carrying his backpack, and a host of spoofs.
But maids carrying the bags of their employers' children are a common sight.
Mrs Joey Poh, in her 30s, said she or the maid will do so for her two children, aged five and eight, during the 10-minute walk to school.
Asked why, the administrative officer smiled and said sheepishly: 'Spoilt lah.'
Recruitment agent Christina Ho, 38, said she makes sure the maid helps her seven-year-old son with his bag.
'School bags can be very heavy and I have seen kids struggle and fall backwards,' she said.
'It is perfectly all right at this age,' she said, adding that she expects children to carry their own bags when they are 'older and stronger'.
Some parents admit that children who have had things done for them from an early age can grow up spoilt.
Teacher Sarah Lim, 49, said her maid carried her two children's bags till they were in Primary 4.
Now teenagers, they have grown so accustomed to being helped that it can be hard to get them to wash their clothes, boil water and make their own snacks.
But she added: 'My husband and I think that as long as they are polite to the maid and are not demanding, it's okay to ask for help for these things. Once you decide to have a maid, you have to be realistic. It is a different era, and ironing clothes and tidying rooms are things maids do.'
Banking officer Jenny Low, in her 30s, said her daughter would 'bully her grandmother to help carry the bag home from school', and would prefer if her 11-year-old did it herself.
'But we cannot control everything, and grandmothers have a soft spot for grandchildren. We try to counter that by asking her to clean up her room on weekends,' she added.
Some sociologists see the bag-carrying phenomenon as parents mollycoddling their children, and worry that it might lead to a generation of less-than-robust Singaporeans.
'If parents get the maid to do many things for the child, the child will grow up thinking that this is normal and would have internalised the 'I am King' mentality,' said child psychologist Carol Balhetchet.
'That photograph shows that Singapore is becoming quite over-indulgent as a society,' she said.
However, she added that carrying a young child's school bag does not necessarily mean he will grow up to be like the NSF in the photo.
'There are many variables. It depends on nurture, the other people they meet and the values they have,' she said, noting that many families today have maids.
The number of maids here has risen from about 160,000 in 2005 to close to 200,000 last year.
Dr Divjyot Kaur, a senior lecturer in psychology at the Singapore Polytechnic's School of Communication, Arts and Social Sciences, said the way parents treat the maid has a profound effect on the child.
'If the parents also ask the maid to do every little thing for them, the child is likely to do the same. It is about where you draw the boundaries on the role of the helper,' she added.
Some parents make sure they set the right examples.
Take the case of restaurant owner Chris Hooi, 42, who has two children in Primary 1 and 3. They have their own water bottles at home which they fill and drink from. The maid is barred from putting away their toys when play-time is over.
'We make sure the maid knows that she answers only to one person - my wife. The kids are not allowed to instruct the maid to do anything,' he said, adding that they carry their own bags too.
Businessman Thomas Pek, 50, is also strict with his two teenagers.
'We have a three-storey house and if my children want water or food, they are not allowed to ask the maid to take it up to them. The maid is not there to be their servant,' he said.
[email protected]
Additional reporting by Rocco Hu
WHEN HELP IS OKAY
'My husband and I think that as long as they are polite to the maid and are not demanding, it's okay to ask for help for these things... It is a different era, and ironing clothes and tidying rooms are things maids do.'
Teacher Sarah Lim, 49, whose children had their bags carried to school by their maid until they were in Primary 4.
WHEN IT'S NOT
'If parents get the maid to do many things for the child, the child will grow up thinking this is normal and would have internalised the 'I am King' mentality. The photograph shows that Singapore is becoming quite over-indulgent as a society.'
Child psychologist Carol Balhetchet, on the photograph of a woman carrying the army field pack of an NSF in uniform
Parents, experts weigh in on issue of today's mollycoddled children
By Jessica Lim
WHEN classes ended at a primary school in Bishan yesterday afternoon, several pupils trotted out, followed by women carrying their school bags.
Over in Sengkang in the evening, maids and parents milled outside a primary school. When its gates opened, children rushed out and some immediately handed over their bags to the adults.
It is a daily sight - maids, parents and grandparents taking on the load, even when the child is clearly able to carry the bag himself.
But 20 out of 25 Singaporean parents interviewed see nothing wrong with this. They say school bags are so heavy these days that it is perfectly fine for adults to help carry them, especially if the children are in primary school.
So either parents do it, or they ask their maids to, out of 'motherly love', said one parent.
But other parents caution that it can become a problem if children demand that their maids lug their bags for them all the time - and they are not around to put a stop to that.
Indeed, might this habit even persist when they are into their late teens?
That, at least, has been a talking point since a photograph surfaced on The Straits Times online portal Stomp last week.
It showed a full-time national serviceman (NSF) in uniform walking with his hands free, and a woman - presumably the maid - behind him carrying his army field pack.
The picture has attracted thousands of comments on Stomp, online forums and social networking site Facebook, with people questioning if Singapore's current generation of youth are 'softies'.
It also led to another photo - believed to be doctored - showing the same NSF, but this time carrying his backpack, and a host of spoofs.
But maids carrying the bags of their employers' children are a common sight.
Mrs Joey Poh, in her 30s, said she or the maid will do so for her two children, aged five and eight, during the 10-minute walk to school.
Asked why, the administrative officer smiled and said sheepishly: 'Spoilt lah.'
Recruitment agent Christina Ho, 38, said she makes sure the maid helps her seven-year-old son with his bag.
'School bags can be very heavy and I have seen kids struggle and fall backwards,' she said.
'It is perfectly all right at this age,' she said, adding that she expects children to carry their own bags when they are 'older and stronger'.
Some parents admit that children who have had things done for them from an early age can grow up spoilt.
Teacher Sarah Lim, 49, said her maid carried her two children's bags till they were in Primary 4.
Now teenagers, they have grown so accustomed to being helped that it can be hard to get them to wash their clothes, boil water and make their own snacks.
But she added: 'My husband and I think that as long as they are polite to the maid and are not demanding, it's okay to ask for help for these things. Once you decide to have a maid, you have to be realistic. It is a different era, and ironing clothes and tidying rooms are things maids do.'
Banking officer Jenny Low, in her 30s, said her daughter would 'bully her grandmother to help carry the bag home from school', and would prefer if her 11-year-old did it herself.
'But we cannot control everything, and grandmothers have a soft spot for grandchildren. We try to counter that by asking her to clean up her room on weekends,' she added.
Some sociologists see the bag-carrying phenomenon as parents mollycoddling their children, and worry that it might lead to a generation of less-than-robust Singaporeans.
'If parents get the maid to do many things for the child, the child will grow up thinking that this is normal and would have internalised the 'I am King' mentality,' said child psychologist Carol Balhetchet.
'That photograph shows that Singapore is becoming quite over-indulgent as a society,' she said.
However, she added that carrying a young child's school bag does not necessarily mean he will grow up to be like the NSF in the photo.
'There are many variables. It depends on nurture, the other people they meet and the values they have,' she said, noting that many families today have maids.
The number of maids here has risen from about 160,000 in 2005 to close to 200,000 last year.
Dr Divjyot Kaur, a senior lecturer in psychology at the Singapore Polytechnic's School of Communication, Arts and Social Sciences, said the way parents treat the maid has a profound effect on the child.
'If the parents also ask the maid to do every little thing for them, the child is likely to do the same. It is about where you draw the boundaries on the role of the helper,' she added.
Some parents make sure they set the right examples.
Take the case of restaurant owner Chris Hooi, 42, who has two children in Primary 1 and 3. They have their own water bottles at home which they fill and drink from. The maid is barred from putting away their toys when play-time is over.
'We make sure the maid knows that she answers only to one person - my wife. The kids are not allowed to instruct the maid to do anything,' he said, adding that they carry their own bags too.
Businessman Thomas Pek, 50, is also strict with his two teenagers.
'We have a three-storey house and if my children want water or food, they are not allowed to ask the maid to take it up to them. The maid is not there to be their servant,' he said.
[email protected]
Additional reporting by Rocco Hu
WHEN HELP IS OKAY
'My husband and I think that as long as they are polite to the maid and are not demanding, it's okay to ask for help for these things... It is a different era, and ironing clothes and tidying rooms are things maids do.'
Teacher Sarah Lim, 49, whose children had their bags carried to school by their maid until they were in Primary 4.
WHEN IT'S NOT
'If parents get the maid to do many things for the child, the child will grow up thinking this is normal and would have internalised the 'I am King' mentality. The photograph shows that Singapore is becoming quite over-indulgent as a society.'
Child psychologist Carol Balhetchet, on the photograph of a woman carrying the army field pack of an NSF in uniform
