Support for men

[TNP(Tua Neh Pau)]

Strong and silent – two words one may use to describe the stereotypical man.

But one question that came up as I worked on a story on the possibility of men being able to claim spousal maintenance after a divorce: are men getting enough emotional support after a divorce?

Legislation aside, perhaps more can be done now to find ways that would make it easier for men to seek out the necessary help?

For instance, Fei Yue Family Service Centre runs a programme for divorcees, or those going through a separation. So far, they’ve managed to run two rounds for women, reaching about 30 women.

In contrast, they couldn’t even form one session from the interested men – who numbered less than 10..

Mrs Lee explains, “I believe that both genders do have the (same) needs. But women may feel more comfortable talking about emotional stuff. It may not be so easy for men.”

She believes there needs to be more “creative” ways to encourage men to seek support, say, through a fishing expedition. It’s less intimate, and allows men the chance to “do things and talk”.

Perhaps making better use of the online medium would see better results as well.

For example, steadymarriages.com, a website for divorcees, has gotten an equal number of responses from both divorced men and women. (It got about 20 to 30 emails over the past three to four months.) The website’s founder, Mr Gilbert Goh, will then refer those who are willing to online counseling.

Mr Goh believes that husbands in Singapore have been lacking a voice.
There are a few men’s groups (such as Centre for Fathering Singapore), but they are not as vocal as say, women’s advocacy group Aware, he had noted, expressing a desire to see men band together to support each other.
He noted that men do feel depressed after a divorce, and recounted one instance, where the male divorcee was even contemplating suicide. They are also “trying to pick up the pieces,” he said.

Mr Goh pointed out that being “more reserved”, it is unlikely many men will got to a family support centre to seek help.

So, while legislations may take time to change, when it comes to say social or emotional support, there is perhaps no time like the present in enhancing these areas.

Singapore’s Support Site for the Divorced & Single Parents (http://www.steadymarriages.com)
Email: [email protected]
Fei Yue Community Services (http://www.fycs.org)
Tel: 6563-1106
Centre for Fathering Singapore (http://www.fatheringmatters.com)
Tel: 6252-8408

 

[jw5]

I agree that the needs of men have been overlooked.
Something should be done to help those men in need of emotional or financial support.