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<DL class=userinfo_extra><DT>Join Date <DD>Sep 2010 </DD><DT>Posts <DD>60 </DD></DL>
[h=2]~~ Husband affair[/h]
<DL class=userinfo_extra><DT>Join Date <DD>Sep 2010 </DD><DT>Posts <DD>60 </DD></DL>
[h=2]~~ Husband affair[/h]
Hi,
Recently discovered my husband's affair, I would like to know yr views and opinions please.
Husband is malaysian and I am a singaporean. We used to be quite loving before the kids arrived. Had my first kid at age 22 and lots of conflicts started. He wanted to move out to our own HDB flat that we brought when we got married but I refused cos it was not renovated so we stayed with our mum. He had gambled the renovation money away. After the first kid arrived, I was really frustrated cos I was not really prepared to be a mum and take care of the baby. My husband is very close to his own family. After the first kid arrived, he talked on the phone with his eldest sister and he told her that the baby seemed to be not drinking enough milk, so the eldest sister called me and asked. I was really frustrated so I called my husband and told him off for telling his sister that. In turn, he called his sister and told her off for calling me. Actually the baby was drinking enough milk, I have no idea why he told his sister that.
Then the next thing was after the baby arrived, he had a lot of comments on how my mother and I looked after the baby. He kept telling me what his mum say his mum say. I was really frustrated and scolded him stupid, stop telling me yr mum say yr mum say. I even threw all his clothes out and everyday I scolded him over the phone. There was once when he brought a birthday present for me but I scolded him. The other thing is after the baby arrived, my mum brought milk powder and pampers for the baby and all he could say was that my mum was competing to buy those items!
After the baby arrived, whenever he returned from work, he never helped out at all, all he could do was watch television and asked me to cook noodles for him. I was really frustrated and asked him to help in looking after the kid and cook by himself. He did help but not happy in doing so. I was very frustrated and did not allow him to watch tv or sleep unless he helped out. Another thing is he did notice the baby was a bit unresponsive and his eyes liked to look sideways. He pointed this out to me, but I refused to listen. Later, it turned out that he was right cos my baby was later diagnosed as mild autism when he was bigger. Another thing is I liked to speak english to my baby but he doesn't know english so he wants me to speak both english and mandarin but I refused. There was once when we quarreled over the naming of the baby and it turned out that my mum and I wronged him , he was so frustatred that he was in tears. My mum treated as if nothing happened. Actually my mum didn't approve of the marriage and she didn't want me to give birth to the baby also, yes she is selfish but I come from a single parent family so I think she is afraid that I will leave her one day.
My husband was so frustrated that he didn't like to return home after work everyday, he went out with friends, I knew and I refused to talk to him over it.
When the baby was older at about 1 year plus, we brought him back to malaysia and my husband's mother pointed out that the baby was not talking, had poor eye contact and we should not let him watch too much TV and try talking to him more. She pointed out that we should bring him to a paedtrician for developmental check up. I refused to listen and forced my husband to tell his mum off. He did so and was in tears.
When the baby reached two years old, he was still not talking and so we brought him to a paedtrician, turned out that he was mild autistic. My mum didn't believe and said no he's not, he's just slow and said my husband's mother was stupid in saying so.
So we started to arrange for therapy for the kid. Husband wanted to go KKH for the therapy cos that was what we could afford but my mum wanted to bring him for private therapy. Husband said if we go for private next time if my mum don't pay we will not be able to afford. I refused to listen and decided to let my kid go for private therapy and my mum paid for the fees.
Even after the therapy, my mum still did not believe he was autistic, I pointed out that we were wrong, husband mum was right and my mum couldn't take it. We had a quarrel over this and my mum chased us out of the house. She called up my husband's parents and complained saying that she chased us out, saying that therapy fees she paid and husband didn't pay a single cent while staying here. She also talked bad about me in front of his parents saying I am not a good wife and daughter in law.
So, we moved out to our own HDB flat, we had a hard time paying for his private therapy fees that we always survived on instant noodles. A few months later, I was back in contact with my mum and I wanted to move back to stay with her. I told my husband and even though he didn't want to, I never give him a chance to choose.
After we move back, husband had really late nights. That was when the affair started. He was feeling inferior that he couldn't pay the therapy fees and he felt that I didn't respect him so it led to his acting out behavior. He had an affair with a malaysian girl. At that time, I felt that there was something amiss with him, but I brushed it off, my mum could feel it too but she didn't mention.
After moving back for a few months, I had some conflicts with my mum again, cos she didn't like me to pay too much attention to my autistic kid and neglect her. She was not too happy and stopped paying for his therapy. Ok, my mum is a money person, she feels she pay so we have to make her happy.
So ended up we moved back to our own HDB flat again. I could see the look of guilt on husband's face when i told him to move back, I think it was because of the affair. He continued to keep late nights and there were changes in our sex life but I brushed everything away.
His second sister was staying with us at the HDB flat at that time, she was paying for the mortage loan and the bills for the house. Not long after moving in, I became pregnant with my second child. Yes, I became pregnant when the affair was going on. At that time I think husband tried to break off with the OW but was unsuccessful.
When I was pregnant, I had some confllicts with his second sister and I asked his sister to shift out. I was uncontrollable in my emotions not sure if it was the hormones when I was pregnant or what. After I chased the sister out, husband started to come back really really late, turns out that he put the OW in Johor and he always had no money cos he spent them on the OW. He gave me only 10 bucks everyday after I chased the sister out, seems that he really bears grudges.
Ok, then the affair was discovered after husband tried to leave the OW and the OW contacted me. She tried to tell me on facebook but husband stopped her, that was the first warning and after that I tried to respect hubby more and he told me he will try his best. But he was discovered when he broke off with that girl. He tried many ways to salvage but my mum stopped me say cannot cos he is totally SELFISH and irresponsible in behavior, he signed credit card bills on the OW that he cannot afford.
Now he keep saying can we put all the wrong things aside and start afresh, I want to know yr views and opinions on this. Should I leave him and carry on life with my mum and the kids with alimony or should I give him a chance? It seems that we have many differences. Many thanks.
Recently discovered my husband's affair, I would like to know yr views and opinions please.
Husband is malaysian and I am a singaporean. We used to be quite loving before the kids arrived. Had my first kid at age 22 and lots of conflicts started. He wanted to move out to our own HDB flat that we brought when we got married but I refused cos it was not renovated so we stayed with our mum. He had gambled the renovation money away. After the first kid arrived, I was really frustrated cos I was not really prepared to be a mum and take care of the baby. My husband is very close to his own family. After the first kid arrived, he talked on the phone with his eldest sister and he told her that the baby seemed to be not drinking enough milk, so the eldest sister called me and asked. I was really frustrated so I called my husband and told him off for telling his sister that. In turn, he called his sister and told her off for calling me. Actually the baby was drinking enough milk, I have no idea why he told his sister that.
Then the next thing was after the baby arrived, he had a lot of comments on how my mother and I looked after the baby. He kept telling me what his mum say his mum say. I was really frustrated and scolded him stupid, stop telling me yr mum say yr mum say. I even threw all his clothes out and everyday I scolded him over the phone. There was once when he brought a birthday present for me but I scolded him. The other thing is after the baby arrived, my mum brought milk powder and pampers for the baby and all he could say was that my mum was competing to buy those items!
After the baby arrived, whenever he returned from work, he never helped out at all, all he could do was watch television and asked me to cook noodles for him. I was really frustrated and asked him to help in looking after the kid and cook by himself. He did help but not happy in doing so. I was very frustrated and did not allow him to watch tv or sleep unless he helped out. Another thing is he did notice the baby was a bit unresponsive and his eyes liked to look sideways. He pointed this out to me, but I refused to listen. Later, it turned out that he was right cos my baby was later diagnosed as mild autism when he was bigger. Another thing is I liked to speak english to my baby but he doesn't know english so he wants me to speak both english and mandarin but I refused. There was once when we quarreled over the naming of the baby and it turned out that my mum and I wronged him , he was so frustatred that he was in tears. My mum treated as if nothing happened. Actually my mum didn't approve of the marriage and she didn't want me to give birth to the baby also, yes she is selfish but I come from a single parent family so I think she is afraid that I will leave her one day.
My husband was so frustrated that he didn't like to return home after work everyday, he went out with friends, I knew and I refused to talk to him over it.
When the baby was older at about 1 year plus, we brought him back to malaysia and my husband's mother pointed out that the baby was not talking, had poor eye contact and we should not let him watch too much TV and try talking to him more. She pointed out that we should bring him to a paedtrician for developmental check up. I refused to listen and forced my husband to tell his mum off. He did so and was in tears.
When the baby reached two years old, he was still not talking and so we brought him to a paedtrician, turned out that he was mild autistic. My mum didn't believe and said no he's not, he's just slow and said my husband's mother was stupid in saying so.
So we started to arrange for therapy for the kid. Husband wanted to go KKH for the therapy cos that was what we could afford but my mum wanted to bring him for private therapy. Husband said if we go for private next time if my mum don't pay we will not be able to afford. I refused to listen and decided to let my kid go for private therapy and my mum paid for the fees.
Even after the therapy, my mum still did not believe he was autistic, I pointed out that we were wrong, husband mum was right and my mum couldn't take it. We had a quarrel over this and my mum chased us out of the house. She called up my husband's parents and complained saying that she chased us out, saying that therapy fees she paid and husband didn't pay a single cent while staying here. She also talked bad about me in front of his parents saying I am not a good wife and daughter in law.
So, we moved out to our own HDB flat, we had a hard time paying for his private therapy fees that we always survived on instant noodles. A few months later, I was back in contact with my mum and I wanted to move back to stay with her. I told my husband and even though he didn't want to, I never give him a chance to choose.
After we move back, husband had really late nights. That was when the affair started. He was feeling inferior that he couldn't pay the therapy fees and he felt that I didn't respect him so it led to his acting out behavior. He had an affair with a malaysian girl. At that time, I felt that there was something amiss with him, but I brushed it off, my mum could feel it too but she didn't mention.
After moving back for a few months, I had some conflicts with my mum again, cos she didn't like me to pay too much attention to my autistic kid and neglect her. She was not too happy and stopped paying for his therapy. Ok, my mum is a money person, she feels she pay so we have to make her happy.
So ended up we moved back to our own HDB flat again. I could see the look of guilt on husband's face when i told him to move back, I think it was because of the affair. He continued to keep late nights and there were changes in our sex life but I brushed everything away.
His second sister was staying with us at the HDB flat at that time, she was paying for the mortage loan and the bills for the house. Not long after moving in, I became pregnant with my second child. Yes, I became pregnant when the affair was going on. At that time I think husband tried to break off with the OW but was unsuccessful.
When I was pregnant, I had some confllicts with his second sister and I asked his sister to shift out. I was uncontrollable in my emotions not sure if it was the hormones when I was pregnant or what. After I chased the sister out, husband started to come back really really late, turns out that he put the OW in Johor and he always had no money cos he spent them on the OW. He gave me only 10 bucks everyday after I chased the sister out, seems that he really bears grudges.
Ok, then the affair was discovered after husband tried to leave the OW and the OW contacted me. She tried to tell me on facebook but husband stopped her, that was the first warning and after that I tried to respect hubby more and he told me he will try his best. But he was discovered when he broke off with that girl. He tried many ways to salvage but my mum stopped me say cannot cos he is totally SELFISH and irresponsible in behavior, he signed credit card bills on the OW that he cannot afford.
Now he keep saying can we put all the wrong things aside and start afresh, I want to know yr views and opinions on this. Should I leave him and carry on life with my mum and the kids with alimony or should I give him a chance? It seems that we have many differences. Many thanks.
