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- Jul 17, 2017
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When it comes to matters of the heart, it's not always as clear as black and white. A lot of what happens remains in the elusive grey area.
Here is one such story of a Singaporean mum.
Until today, I don't know if what I did was right. It doesn't seem explicitly wrong, but it seems to have crossed the line of what's acceptable.
Ben is my colleague, I've known him from the day I first started work. I was already married to Kevin then.
About three years into my job, I started getting close to Ben. I cannot for the life of me remember how and when it started.
What started as breakfast eventually led to us having breakfast, lunch and random coffee sessions between our otherwise busy days.
We talked. A lot. We talked about everything under the sun. Politics, feminism, economics, sex, sports, you name it. I was fascinated by Ben's intellect. He seemed so knowledgeable.
I loved how Ben challenged my opinions and ignited the spark of knowledge in me. I never realised how 15-minute-breakfast breaks became hour-long sessions. I never realised how even when Ben and I were surrounded by other colleagues, we were lost in our own world of conversation.
Somewhere along the way, the conversations became more personal. Ben told me many things about himself.
Over time, I knew everything about Ben - his food preferences, his special way of holding a fork and so on. And Ben knew all my little idiosyncrasies.
I never realised when we started completing each other's sentences. I never realised when I started knowing what Ben was doing at any time of the day. I never realised when we progressed from communicating in the office to sending each other messages over Whatsapp.
I never realised when Ben's messages were the last thing I saw before I fell asleep and the first thing I saw when I woke up.
Kevin? He was there. We had a daughter who was mostly taken care of by his parents. We lived together albeit in our own worlds.
We did fight every now and then but I wouldn't exactly describe our marriage as turbulent. He spent most of his time watching tv or using his handphone. I spent most of my time trying to get him to spend time with me.
Probably the only thing that was still going strong was our sex life. Sometimes I felt like we were housemates, or friends with benefits. I felt as if we were merely using each other to fulfil our needs.
Our conversations, were never deep and exciting. It was a lot of him talking about himself, his job and his accomplishments. It was a lot of him telling me that there was a pile of laundry that I had yet to fold.
Not that I was losing it for him though. I loved him, more than anything in the world. But it takes two to tango and while I had no doubts that he loved me, he made close to no effort to showing me his love.
And there was Ben. Ben would notice when I was wearing a new dress, when I did my eyebrows, when I trimmed my hair - none of which Kevin ever noticed.
I started spending time with Ben outside the office. We would go for dinner or drinks occasionally. It started with us going out as a group. But everyone ceased to exist, for we were always lost in our own world filled with us teasing each other and making inside jokes.
I never realised when group outings became just him and me.
More at https://tinyurI.com/vrm9oq3
Here is one such story of a Singaporean mum.
Until today, I don't know if what I did was right. It doesn't seem explicitly wrong, but it seems to have crossed the line of what's acceptable.
Ben is my colleague, I've known him from the day I first started work. I was already married to Kevin then.
About three years into my job, I started getting close to Ben. I cannot for the life of me remember how and when it started.
What started as breakfast eventually led to us having breakfast, lunch and random coffee sessions between our otherwise busy days.
We talked. A lot. We talked about everything under the sun. Politics, feminism, economics, sex, sports, you name it. I was fascinated by Ben's intellect. He seemed so knowledgeable.
I loved how Ben challenged my opinions and ignited the spark of knowledge in me. I never realised how 15-minute-breakfast breaks became hour-long sessions. I never realised how even when Ben and I were surrounded by other colleagues, we were lost in our own world of conversation.
Somewhere along the way, the conversations became more personal. Ben told me many things about himself.
Over time, I knew everything about Ben - his food preferences, his special way of holding a fork and so on. And Ben knew all my little idiosyncrasies.
I never realised when we started completing each other's sentences. I never realised when I started knowing what Ben was doing at any time of the day. I never realised when we progressed from communicating in the office to sending each other messages over Whatsapp.
I never realised when Ben's messages were the last thing I saw before I fell asleep and the first thing I saw when I woke up.
Kevin? He was there. We had a daughter who was mostly taken care of by his parents. We lived together albeit in our own worlds.
We did fight every now and then but I wouldn't exactly describe our marriage as turbulent. He spent most of his time watching tv or using his handphone. I spent most of my time trying to get him to spend time with me.
Probably the only thing that was still going strong was our sex life. Sometimes I felt like we were housemates, or friends with benefits. I felt as if we were merely using each other to fulfil our needs.
Our conversations, were never deep and exciting. It was a lot of him talking about himself, his job and his accomplishments. It was a lot of him telling me that there was a pile of laundry that I had yet to fold.
Not that I was losing it for him though. I loved him, more than anything in the world. But it takes two to tango and while I had no doubts that he loved me, he made close to no effort to showing me his love.
And there was Ben. Ben would notice when I was wearing a new dress, when I did my eyebrows, when I trimmed my hair - none of which Kevin ever noticed.
I started spending time with Ben outside the office. We would go for dinner or drinks occasionally. It started with us going out as a group. But everyone ceased to exist, for we were always lost in our own world filled with us teasing each other and making inside jokes.
I never realised when group outings became just him and me.
More at https://tinyurI.com/vrm9oq3
