I really don't know how I can help my dad anymore, open to any and all suggestions and advice. If someone could help me cross post it to r/Singapore, that would be great.
My dad recently declared bankruptcy. My mother (40+) has filed for a divorce against him for 'unreasonable behaviour' and is demanding more than $200,000 in addition to alimony from him. She wants my father to either sell the flat so he can pay her, or to give her the flat and kick us out. In the meantime, he has given the master bedroom to her while he sleeps on the couch.
My mother has cheated on my father many times. Just today, her girlfriend came to our house while my youngest sibling was home alone after school and demanded to see my mom. This isn't the first time she has harassed us because of my mom, she has waited at our block, came to our door insisting to see her and each time, my mother makes either me or my younger sister go to the door to deal with her. She is seeing multiple people, coming home with hickeys brazenly showing them off and video calling her lovers in front of us. She used to video call them while we were changing after our shower and would refuse to stop. Today, I learnt that my youngest sibling was actually a product of an affair she had back in her country and my dad told me, he would wake up in the middle of the night to cry because of how hurt he was. All in all, her multiple affairs have hurt me, my sister and father a lot and have caused us significant mental distress. Both my sister and I are currently being treated for depression.
My mother is also quite racist to me, she has screamed at me multiple times for being a 'stupid fucking singaporean' and has threatened to leave me and my sister behind and go back to her country.
My dad is old, his debt is mainly because my mother insisted on going for luxury holidays in the past, 5 star hotels and branded goods. She had taken $15,000 out of their joint bank account and spent it all out of spite when my dad had actually been saving that money for our university education.
My father can't afford to sell the flat. He's in his 60s, working a job that pays $2K/month and has health problems (arthritis, high blood pressure, etc.). Even if he does agree to the divorce, he has to pay a hefty sum to her regardless of the fact that she cheated multiple times and caused so much grief. We don't see any other way to get her out of our lives. We can't throw her out, her NRIC shows our current address. Going forward with the divorce would potentially result in us becoming homeless as we can't afford to buy a new home. Having her in the house is really hurting him and it pains me so much to see it. He sleeps for less than 4 hours a day, works 12 hour shifts but he still comes home with a smile to talk to my sister and I before we sleep. It genuinely hurts me that I can't do anything to help him during this period.
We are at a loss for what to do. I've encouraged him to apply for legal aid from the legal aid bureau but he's afraid they won't take him on as he sees himself as a 'losing case'. I'm currently an intern making $400/monthly that I use to help pay some of the bills and take care of my sister. What can I do for him? Are there any other options for us to consider?
I really apologise for this long, messy post. I appreciate any and all comments on what we can do next. Thank you so much!
EDIT: The flat was purchased by my dad before marriage, it's in his and his mother's (my paternal grandma) name. Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice! Will be slowly looking through it to understand our options
My dad recently declared bankruptcy. My mother (40+) has filed for a divorce against him for 'unreasonable behaviour' and is demanding more than $200,000 in addition to alimony from him. She wants my father to either sell the flat so he can pay her, or to give her the flat and kick us out. In the meantime, he has given the master bedroom to her while he sleeps on the couch.
My mother has cheated on my father many times. Just today, her girlfriend came to our house while my youngest sibling was home alone after school and demanded to see my mom. This isn't the first time she has harassed us because of my mom, she has waited at our block, came to our door insisting to see her and each time, my mother makes either me or my younger sister go to the door to deal with her. She is seeing multiple people, coming home with hickeys brazenly showing them off and video calling her lovers in front of us. She used to video call them while we were changing after our shower and would refuse to stop. Today, I learnt that my youngest sibling was actually a product of an affair she had back in her country and my dad told me, he would wake up in the middle of the night to cry because of how hurt he was. All in all, her multiple affairs have hurt me, my sister and father a lot and have caused us significant mental distress. Both my sister and I are currently being treated for depression.
My mother is also quite racist to me, she has screamed at me multiple times for being a 'stupid fucking singaporean' and has threatened to leave me and my sister behind and go back to her country.
My dad is old, his debt is mainly because my mother insisted on going for luxury holidays in the past, 5 star hotels and branded goods. She had taken $15,000 out of their joint bank account and spent it all out of spite when my dad had actually been saving that money for our university education.
My father can't afford to sell the flat. He's in his 60s, working a job that pays $2K/month and has health problems (arthritis, high blood pressure, etc.). Even if he does agree to the divorce, he has to pay a hefty sum to her regardless of the fact that she cheated multiple times and caused so much grief. We don't see any other way to get her out of our lives. We can't throw her out, her NRIC shows our current address. Going forward with the divorce would potentially result in us becoming homeless as we can't afford to buy a new home. Having her in the house is really hurting him and it pains me so much to see it. He sleeps for less than 4 hours a day, works 12 hour shifts but he still comes home with a smile to talk to my sister and I before we sleep. It genuinely hurts me that I can't do anything to help him during this period.
We are at a loss for what to do. I've encouraged him to apply for legal aid from the legal aid bureau but he's afraid they won't take him on as he sees himself as a 'losing case'. I'm currently an intern making $400/monthly that I use to help pay some of the bills and take care of my sister. What can I do for him? Are there any other options for us to consider?
I really apologise for this long, messy post. I appreciate any and all comments on what we can do next. Thank you so much!
EDIT: The flat was purchased by my dad before marriage, it's in his and his mother's (my paternal grandma) name. Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice! Will be slowly looking through it to understand our options
