Should she dump him?

[metanoia]

Financial issues​

I need advice!

My bf lost his job recently and I have been trying to be there for him. I feel like I’ve been uncovering a lot of issues, and wanted to get inputs if these are red flags and is it possible for things to get better

For context, I’m f30 and he’s m26. He’s a fresh grad, worked for 4 months before losing his job for the past 2 months. Barely any savings.

1. Attitude towards PT job

I do know that him being jobless is for an indefinite period so I have been encouraging him to work part time jobs. However he has a negative impression of it because he is a Uni grad and doesn’t want to ‘downgrade’ to wiping tables and mopping the floor of cafes. And he’s been telling me he has sufficient savings to tide him through so he doesn’t need to resort to doing these sort of work. I didn’t probe further

This week I managed to convince him to try - I told him he’s just doing this temporarily and it’s just to ‘pass time’. The job pays quite well at $12/h.

I genuinely don’t mind doing this type of job if I’m jobless and have similar jobs during Covid period. He went and ended up being ‘depressed’. After one shift, he actually sobbed and told me he can’t believe he’s doing this type of job. He also kept telling me to leave him if I find a guy better than him. (He has been clinically diagnosed with depression before)

But he keeps saying that it’s not worth doing this type of job because he feels he is losing his sanity. he also says he will work till his death/ work till his legs fall off.

Tbh this made me feel very guilty for making him do this and so I visited him after his shift at 10pm the past two days just to give him some support.

2. His financial situation

I actually discovered that he has less than $1k in savings which makes me feel surprised cos he’s been saying he doesn’t need to work because he has enough. Although this is subjective, this doesn’t sound like enough to last him 2-3 months. If it were me, I would have starting working a long time ago because I can’t take the anxiety of running out of money.

In the meantime I also feel shocked that he doesn’t really have any urgency to earn money. If I didn’t push him to start this week, he wouldn’t have done it. I just feel this could be a major red flag in the long term, I’m not sure if he would ever save enough for marriage or a BTO.

3. he’s very emotional(?) and reacts in extreme and dramatic ways to the comments I make. For example -

I commended him for working 3 days this week. He said he’s extremely tired so I told him he could rest but I’m proud of him for trying. I also made a comment asking him ‘don’t u feel productive’? To which he reacted by booking 2 shifts per day for the rest of the week. Day shift and night shift which means he’s working 20h/day just so he can show me he’s ’productive’ on other days as well.

We agreed he could rest on Thurs and Fri cos he said his back and feet hurt a lot. Today I made a comment that I was surprised he didn’t have a lot of savings ( I genuinely was surprised) and he instantly responded by immediately booking more shifts the next few days.

At this point I feel bad and guilty cos it feels he is pushing himself to overwork because of some passing comments I made. His decisions feel so emotionally charged and I feel guilty because it comes from comments I made.

Right now I feel I can’t be open with my feelings because he will misinterpret the things I says

4. I feel like he’s quite spendthrift in some areas - like for example, he suggested to do a $80/pax activity date (we each pay for our ownself) when I feel he can’t afford it at the moment

When we hang out, I suggest to eat at a hawker centre so we can save money but while I end up spending $5 for my own meal, he ended up spending $16 for himself. This makes it difficult to save. I feel this is why he doesn’t have a lot of savings

—-

I have actually been paying for my share of dates and quite often paying for him also. But I just don’t know if all this is sustainable in the long run because of his financial habits and how he reacts so sensitively to comments.

I’m not sure if this could be fundamental incompatibility and I feel drained and not sure what to do.

It feels like a lose lose situation. If he doesn’t work, he won’t have enough for himself and our future. But if he works then I feel guilty cos of how adversely he reacts to it and his mental health. Part of me feels like maybe we don’t have a future together because he doesn’t seem to even have the drive to want to save up and am thinking if this is a lost cause.

Constructive inputs appreciated on what I should do. Thanks!

 

[A Singaporean]

He is a fucking loser and probably with a 3 inch dick. Being a local graduate he is not going to amount to much in life.She can do better . Dump him now and look for someone from Uptron

 

[SexOClock]

Just dump him and go for an AMDK, Ah Tiong, or CECA. Everyone knows FTs come with a more secure future, right?

 

[eatshitndie]

less than $1k in savings but may be over $100k in fixed deposits, over $1m in bitcoin and stocks, and over $6.9m in inheritable property assets? why do sinkies always measure wealth or one’s net worth by the amount one makes in pay per month and one keeps in a savings account? so shallow and superficial in financial understanding and planning.

 

[WangChuk]

she siao ah? 30yo liao still think like a teenager and go raise a little brother as potential hubby? she will have more troubles to overcome all the way till old if she marry him .... she better find a suitable one instead.

 

[Dreamliner787]

Financial issues​

I need advice!

My bf lost his job recently and I have been trying to be there for him. I feel like I’ve been uncovering a lot of issues, and wanted to get inputs if these are red flags and is it possible for things to get better

For context, I’m f30 and he’s m26. He’s a fresh grad, worked for 4 months before losing his job for the past 2 months. Barely any savings.

1. Attitude towards PT job

I do know that him being jobless is for an indefinite period so I have been encouraging him to work part time jobs. However he has a negative impression of it because he is a Uni grad and doesn’t want to ‘downgrade’ to wiping tables and mopping the floor of cafes. And he’s been telling me he has sufficient savings to tide him through so he doesn’t need to resort to doing these sort of work. I didn’t probe further

This week I managed to convince him to try - I told him he’s just doing this temporarily and it’s just to ‘pass time’. The job pays quite well at $12/h.

I genuinely don’t mind doing this type of job if I’m jobless and have similar jobs during Covid period. He went and ended up being ‘depressed’. After one shift, he actually sobbed and told me he can’t believe he’s doing this type of job. He also kept telling me to leave him if I find a guy better than him. (He has been clinically diagnosed with depression before)

But he keeps saying that it’s not worth doing this type of job because he feels he is losing his sanity. he also says he will work till his death/ work till his legs fall off.

Tbh this made me feel very guilty for making him do this and so I visited him after his shift at 10pm the past two days just to give him some support.

2. His financial situation

I actually discovered that he has less than $1k in savings which makes me feel surprised cos he’s been saying he doesn’t need to work because he has enough. Although this is subjective, this doesn’t sound like enough to last him 2-3 months. If it were me, I would have starting working a long time ago because I can’t take the anxiety of running out of money.

In the meantime I also feel shocked that he doesn’t really have any urgency to earn money. If I didn’t push him to start this week, he wouldn’t have done it. I just feel this could be a major red flag in the long term, I’m not sure if he would ever save enough for marriage or a BTO.

3. he’s very emotional(?) and reacts in extreme and dramatic ways to the comments I make. For example -

I commended him for working 3 days this week. He said he’s extremely tired so I told him he could rest but I’m proud of him for trying. I also made a comment asking him ‘don’t u feel productive’? To which he reacted by booking 2 shifts per day for the rest of the week. Day shift and night shift which means he’s working 20h/day just so he can show me he’s ’productive’ on other days as well.

We agreed he could rest on Thurs and Fri cos he said his back and feet hurt a lot. Today I made a comment that I was surprised he didn’t have a lot of savings ( I genuinely was surprised) and he instantly responded by immediately booking more shifts the next few days.

At this point I feel bad and guilty cos it feels he is pushing himself to overwork because of some passing comments I made. His decisions feel so emotionally charged and I feel guilty because it comes from comments I made.

Right now I feel I can’t be open with my feelings because he will misinterpret the things I says

4. I feel like he’s quite spendthrift in some areas - like for example, he suggested to do a $80/pax activity date (we each pay for our ownself) when I feel he can’t afford it at the moment

When we hang out, I suggest to eat at a hawker centre so we can save money but while I end up spending $5 for my own meal, he ended up spending $16 for himself. This makes it difficult to save. I feel this is why he doesn’t have a lot of savings

—-

I have actually been paying for my share of dates and quite often paying for him also. But I just don’t know if all this is sustainable in the long run because of his financial habits and how he reacts so sensitively to comments.

I’m not sure if this could be fundamental incompatibility and I feel drained and not sure what to do.

It feels like a lose lose situation. If he doesn’t work, he won’t have enough for himself and our future. But if he works then I feel guilty cos of how adversely he reacts to it and his mental health. Part of me feels like maybe we don’t have a future together because he doesn’t seem to even have the drive to want to save up and am thinking if this is a lost cause.

Constructive inputs appreciated on what I should do. Thanks!

That is, of course, because he is twenty-six and you are thirty. Age gaps work in mysterious ways. Give yourself a few more years and you will be lovingly reclassified as an “uncle's vegetable”—perfectly edible, just not worth wasting. To him, you are not a girlfriend; you are an elder sister with a wallet. He feels no shame being broke in your presence. Why should he? Younger brothers do not apologize for being dependent; they simply expect to be maintained. These, incidentally, are the perks of dating an ageing vegetable—nutritious, convenient, and taken entirely for granted.

This is the inevitable outcome when someone builds an identity around the job he happens to be holding, otherwise grandiosely marketed as a “career.” Your boyfriend could hardly feel otherwise, since like the rest of society, he lets employment double as self-worth. Wipe tables and voilà—you are a cleaner. Sit in a glass office and suddenly you are a vice-president. The only consolation is that the finishing line is identical for all. In the end, the euphemism merely changes—from “unemployed” to “retired.” The condition itself is the same.​

 

[Sustanon]

Di Di jiak zeh zeh's sibei pang and sibei ho jiak CB..... must be jiak until sibei songz...

 

[metanoia]

That is, of course, because he is twenty-six and you are thirty. Age gaps work in mysterious ways. Give yourself a few more years and you will be lovingly reclassified as an “uncle's vegetable”—perfectly edible, just not worth wasting. To him, you are not a girlfriend; you are an elder sister with a wallet. He feels no shame being broke in your presence. Why should he? Younger brothers do not apologize for being dependent; they simply expect to be maintained. These, incidentally, are the perks of dating an ageing vegetable—nutritious, convenient, and taken entirely for granted.

This is the inevitable outcome when someone builds an identity around the job he happens to be holding, otherwise grandiosely marketed as a “career.” Your boyfriend could hardly feel otherwise, since like the rest of society, he lets employment double as self-worth. Wipe tables and voilà—you are a cleaner. Sit in a glass office and suddenly you are a vice-president. The only consolation is that the finishing line is identical for all. In the end, the euphemism merely changes—from “unemployed” to “retired.” The condition itself is the same.​

... and we all die....

 

[Dreamliner787]

... and we all die....

Indeed. The difference is whether or not the death is violent.

 

[The Crow]

Both should become alcoholic and high together ...

 

[congo9]

This is a very realistic world. This happens all the time.

1. When a woman is poor and lose her job. The man will step up and bring food for the woman.

2. When a man losses his job and become poor, the woman will definitely dump the man.

 

[VanDick]

The sex must be too good for her to let go. If loser dude is a weakling with a 3-inch dick, she would have dumped him without writing that sob story.

 

[Dreamliner787]

The man is a fresh graduate at 26. Wow ! Did he study medicine ? Can NUS alumnus @metanoia comment ?

The woman is 30. That means they dated when he was still a student. Doesn't that make her a "cradle snatcher" ? ​

 

[syed putra]

she siao ah? 30yo liao still think like a teenager and go raise a little brother as potential hubby? she will have more troubles to overcome all the way till old if she marry him .... she better find a suitable one instead.

She wanted a toy boy ended up getting a baby.

 

[syed putra]

The man is just a fresh graduate at 26. Wow ! Did he study medicine ? Can NUS alumnus @metanoia comment ?

The woman is 30. That means they dated when he was still a student. Doesn't that make her a "cradle snatcher" ? ​

Above 15 year old no more cradle my friend. Male or female.

 

[syed putra]

This is a very realistic world. This happens all the time.

1. When a woman is poor and lose her job. The man will step up and bring food for the woman.

2. When a man losses his job and become poor, the woman will definitely dump the man.

If the woman is wealthy she need to get a toy boy.

 

[congo9]

If the woman is wealthy she need to get a toy boy.

She needs a dog and diddo !