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There have been numerous articles in the past regarding the local Singaporean men and the dating scene. Gilbert Goh’s article on how local girls spurned local guys for foreigners (http://therealsingapore.com/content/gilbert-goh-why-locals-girls-do-not-want-our-singaporean-men) and the local guy who mentioned that his girlfriend claims he’s never good
enough for her (http://therealsingapore.com/content/dear-real-singapore-i-am-never-good-enough-my-girlfriend) are such articles.
Reading such articles makes one realise that there is a problem for local guys here in the dating scene. What is the issue you might say? Well, in short, local guys here are being turned into beta males and even omega males by society and social conditioning.
In nature, alpha animals at the top of the pecking order get first access to mating opportunities and resources while beta animals have to defer to the alpha. Omegas get the last scraps of everything and will usually not have the opportunity to mate. This is a very simplistic statement but it generally sums up how animal hierarchy is established. Human society is no different. We have the alphas, betas and omegas. The trend in Singapore however, is that local guys are becoming more and more beta. Examples are having to beg for dates with local girls, trying to woo them with expensive gifts, declaring absolute love and loyalty and giving everything that they have. In the meantime, the girls are either “friend-zoning” the betas or making them wait for a long time before finally going out with them with the relationship usually turning out to be sour and bitter as the beta gets controlled by his girlfriend.
Why is this happening? As I mentioned in the first paragraph, a lot of it is due to social conditioning and a society that has no interest and/or incentive to turn guys into strong alphas who possess social savviness, initiative, and a strong masculine attitude in their behaviour. Let’s examine certain factors in Singapore society:
1) Singapore guys have to sacrifice 2 years in NS while girls immediately get access to university, social circles and the working environment at 18 – The average 18 to 21 year old male in NS is immediately put in a disadvantage in terms of his ability to socialise with the opposite sex and in social circles like clubs or societies. At 18, a mildly attractive local girl will have numerous opportunities to socialise, travel and be given access to various places that will boost her social status.
2) Local guys will tend to put girls on a pedestal – Inexperienced local guys who seldom date and go out to meet girls will be generally influenced by what he sees on television or what kinds of songs he hears on the radio. The messages he keeps hearing are that there should be only one special girl in his mind and that he must treat her like a princess. The problem is, once you put someone on a pedestal, that person will have no choice but to look down on you. Hence, the number of local guys complaining why there are treated badly by their girlfriends while giving them everything they want.
3) Social conditioning tells guys that if they get a degree and a respectable job, a girl will immediately fall in love with them – Growing up, I clearly remember this line of social conditioning coming from peers and family. The reality is that social skills are very important in teaching local guys how to attract girls and simply getting a university degree and a standard white collar job isn’t enough. Conversational abilities, body language, confidence and other traits are things that are just as important particularly in the dating scene.
4) A shame based culture rooted in traditional Asian beliefs – While I am proud of my Asian culture, one sad thing is that Asian culture tends to be shamed based especially with regards to men displaying romantic and sexual interest in a girl. One can hear things like “don’t hold girls hands” or “don’t chase girls, study hard” while growing up and the conditioning it does to guys is that it makes them ashamed of their masculinity and natural desires. Taken to the extreme, this kind of repression can potentially lead to all kinds of sociopathic behaviour like taking up-skirt photos of unsuspecting girls, or other kinds of misdeeds.
5) A society that doesn’t place value on initiative or risk taking – Singapore society encourages a sort of group think where any display of initiative or risk taking is frowned upon and most guys will take the beaten path laid out for them by their families. This tends to erode the natural confidence of guys and in turn, indirectly affect their dating success in the local scene.
When foreigners come to Singapore, particularly western men, they are generally older, more established and more importantly, have a sense of confidence and sexual appeal that naturally attracts a lot of local women. Looks are not so much a factor here. I mean, Anton Cassey doesn’t look likeBrad Pitt or George Clooney. But the average western male from U.K., Australia or USA isn’t as socially held back compared to his local counterparts and his sense of individual confidence is what naturally draws a lot of local girls to them. Hence, the rise of the so-called “Sarong Party Girl”.
In short, the perception is that foreign western men are alpha males in the eyes of a lot of local women while the local guys are looked upon as beta or even worst, omega males. The situation is deplorable. But it isn’t entirely hopeless. The average beta Singaporean man can improve himself in terms of his dating and sexual attractiveness. It does take effort and the forces of social conditioning in Singapore can be very hostile to any form of change or self-improvement. Nevertheless, it is essential for local guys to be self-aware and to take action to improve his future dating success. Or risk being trapped in betadom or worse, to slide into omega status.
enough for her (http://therealsingapore.com/content/dear-real-singapore-i-am-never-good-enough-my-girlfriend) are such articles.
Reading such articles makes one realise that there is a problem for local guys here in the dating scene. What is the issue you might say? Well, in short, local guys here are being turned into beta males and even omega males by society and social conditioning.
In nature, alpha animals at the top of the pecking order get first access to mating opportunities and resources while beta animals have to defer to the alpha. Omegas get the last scraps of everything and will usually not have the opportunity to mate. This is a very simplistic statement but it generally sums up how animal hierarchy is established. Human society is no different. We have the alphas, betas and omegas. The trend in Singapore however, is that local guys are becoming more and more beta. Examples are having to beg for dates with local girls, trying to woo them with expensive gifts, declaring absolute love and loyalty and giving everything that they have. In the meantime, the girls are either “friend-zoning” the betas or making them wait for a long time before finally going out with them with the relationship usually turning out to be sour and bitter as the beta gets controlled by his girlfriend.
Why is this happening? As I mentioned in the first paragraph, a lot of it is due to social conditioning and a society that has no interest and/or incentive to turn guys into strong alphas who possess social savviness, initiative, and a strong masculine attitude in their behaviour. Let’s examine certain factors in Singapore society:
1) Singapore guys have to sacrifice 2 years in NS while girls immediately get access to university, social circles and the working environment at 18 – The average 18 to 21 year old male in NS is immediately put in a disadvantage in terms of his ability to socialise with the opposite sex and in social circles like clubs or societies. At 18, a mildly attractive local girl will have numerous opportunities to socialise, travel and be given access to various places that will boost her social status.
2) Local guys will tend to put girls on a pedestal – Inexperienced local guys who seldom date and go out to meet girls will be generally influenced by what he sees on television or what kinds of songs he hears on the radio. The messages he keeps hearing are that there should be only one special girl in his mind and that he must treat her like a princess. The problem is, once you put someone on a pedestal, that person will have no choice but to look down on you. Hence, the number of local guys complaining why there are treated badly by their girlfriends while giving them everything they want.
3) Social conditioning tells guys that if they get a degree and a respectable job, a girl will immediately fall in love with them – Growing up, I clearly remember this line of social conditioning coming from peers and family. The reality is that social skills are very important in teaching local guys how to attract girls and simply getting a university degree and a standard white collar job isn’t enough. Conversational abilities, body language, confidence and other traits are things that are just as important particularly in the dating scene.
4) A shame based culture rooted in traditional Asian beliefs – While I am proud of my Asian culture, one sad thing is that Asian culture tends to be shamed based especially with regards to men displaying romantic and sexual interest in a girl. One can hear things like “don’t hold girls hands” or “don’t chase girls, study hard” while growing up and the conditioning it does to guys is that it makes them ashamed of their masculinity and natural desires. Taken to the extreme, this kind of repression can potentially lead to all kinds of sociopathic behaviour like taking up-skirt photos of unsuspecting girls, or other kinds of misdeeds.
5) A society that doesn’t place value on initiative or risk taking – Singapore society encourages a sort of group think where any display of initiative or risk taking is frowned upon and most guys will take the beaten path laid out for them by their families. This tends to erode the natural confidence of guys and in turn, indirectly affect their dating success in the local scene.
When foreigners come to Singapore, particularly western men, they are generally older, more established and more importantly, have a sense of confidence and sexual appeal that naturally attracts a lot of local women. Looks are not so much a factor here. I mean, Anton Cassey doesn’t look likeBrad Pitt or George Clooney. But the average western male from U.K., Australia or USA isn’t as socially held back compared to his local counterparts and his sense of individual confidence is what naturally draws a lot of local girls to them. Hence, the rise of the so-called “Sarong Party Girl”.
In short, the perception is that foreign western men are alpha males in the eyes of a lot of local women while the local guys are looked upon as beta or even worst, omega males. The situation is deplorable. But it isn’t entirely hopeless. The average beta Singaporean man can improve himself in terms of his dating and sexual attractiveness. It does take effort and the forces of social conditioning in Singapore can be very hostile to any form of change or self-improvement. Nevertheless, it is essential for local guys to be self-aware and to take action to improve his future dating success. Or risk being trapped in betadom or worse, to slide into omega status.
