- Joined
- Oct 30, 2014
- Messages
- 36,768
- Points
- 113
My wife and kids were verbally assaulted yesterday.
***This could be potentially a stress inducing post for some people to read and I suggest you either skip or cycle back to it when you are more ready.***
And yes, it’s a very Long post.
(But before I get into what happened to
my family, I would like to set some context)
Let’s rewind
Several days ago, I wrote a post about the man shouting at the security person.
My main point was and still is that we cannot be Attacking a person based on their race or country of origin or generalise everyone who comes from a certain group.
It’s the path of hatred which will only grow in ferocity and seek to bring darkness.
I had a mix of comments to my post. A large number echoed my sentiments whilst some disagreed which I think it’s perfectly ok.
However, I also got some ferocious comments accusing me of being a “closet racist” and that I should not play the “race card” (which ironically was my point in the first place)
The profile of these persons did not seem authentic and after some contemplation I decided that due to it’s incendiary nature, to delete the comments and block the account. The person commenting seemed highly triggered (personally, if I could I would like to sit with him/her and have dialogue to understand their suffering).
People have petitioned for his employer to
Fire him.
New information that he could be a citizen has surfaced but yet people want him to be sent back.
Some have indicated that the LinkedIn profile, his supposed income levels could be false.
1 celebrity has also chimed in an almost rallying call which is confrontational and aggravating. (which has been shared over 3k times)
People of politics have used this incident as a testament to push their anti immigration vis-à-vis Singaporean first agenda.
Many things have happened and still seem to
Be happening.
Will things settle down or has this online lynch mobbing and harassment the taste of first blood and the descent into normalising race based, nationality based abuse and harassment ?
Back to Family.
My wife and kids were about to cross a small road in our carpark at about 6pm yesterday when a sporty hatchback came hurtling
down and without warning made a turn without any signal.
My family was startled and my wife being the protective parent she is, shot a disapproving glare at the driver as things would have been very different if she had decided to step off the pavement 3 seconds sooner.
The driver stopped his car.
Reversed quickly to where my Wife and kids were standing on the pavement, wound down his tinted windows and...
hurled some racial slurs and said, “Go back to India.”
Hate is omnidirectional and always leads us to the same end. Decay and Death.
The driver went on to ask whether my Wife had permission to cross the street (an odd question in my view.)
My wife (who I am sure was still having a massive adrenaline and histamine rush from the shock) with two young equally shaken and disorientated kids in tow, retorted, “This is a carpark. You cannot drive slowly and signal before you turn is it?”
Upon hearing her Fiesty Singlishness he sped off (her account)
No apology, no reconciliation.
The collateral damage ?
Our kids. A negative imprint.
Wife calls me in distress to relay this news.
I could hear trauma and her quavering breath
She was hurt and more than that, afraid.
In my mind...
This could have escalated to dismal ends. With blaring sirens and screaming children.
These things happen in a gush.
There are REAL consequences and downstream reverberations to the online attacks on the guy with my namesake.
That 1.5 million dollar condo dwelling fellow needs to face the appropriate consequences in accordance to the laws of our land.
A day in court and a fair trial if it ever goes to that. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Has the online frenzied Attack on him emboldened and invited others to now perhaps start directing viciousness to others based on race? Or was my family’s experience completely unrelated?
The signal that if a person is “foreign” or “not one of us” it’s perfectly ok to Attack with the full fury of Hell?
I need your support
and it’s just one small thing.
1. Participate in online conversations where you think useful to share the messages of unification and compassion. Where you notice people being cruel, Step Up. Speak up. Yes, you might not win fans while doing this but it’s important.
To Find the Goodness In Others (F.G.I.O). It takes everyone to build a society. Society isn’t a commodity that is meant for consumption. It cannot be created without you in it.
It’s the very shared space and context we either thrive or die in. The scorching fumes of
Radicalisation takes the smallest of fissures to penetrate our way of life to make life as we know it acrid.
Please help me in counter balancing vicious online conversations with kindness where possible so that we prevent these spaces from becoming a cesspool for radicalised supremacy.
Voice out where you see unfairness.
Supplementary reading.
Awareness
is the first step to Change
Stress reveals the conditioned tendencies people hold on to. Their habits and patterns of survival kick in. How do people react when they are triggered ? How do you react when you are upset ?
To Change is to first become aware.
According to Virgina Satir (a famous psychologist in the area of family therapy) there are 4 survival stances.
1. Placator (tries to please others)
2. Blamer (finds fault with others)
3. Super Reasonable (cold, unfeeling)
4. Irrevelant (becomes illogical)
The fifth stance is a balanced one where a person considers their own feelings and thoughts, the other party and the context.
Here is how you can identify a survival stance in the comments/posts online.
Blamer
“The G is to be blamed. They signed the CECA.”
“The G created this “FT” problem.”
Super Reasonable
“We need to teach this “FT” a lesson so that others won’t dare do such things.
“I don’t give a shit about this “FT” and full wrath of the law must be executed.
“He deserves to be punished because he doesn’t follow the law.”
Distractor
“Here is another case of such things (usually there is no direct link)
Cursing and swearing.
Conspiracy theories
Citing incorrect evidence to justify and refuses to retract or correct when new information surfaces.
Many things can trigger us and when we do get triggered we rarely showcase our highest selfs. The best way I found is to not aggravate the situation.
I truly believe we live in a compassionate world. I believe there are amazing people who
choose to operate from and with Joy. I know
we can make healthy choices based on the circumstances that are presented to us.
We can return to truth that we are interconnected and not separate from each other in more ways than one. Be a voice that spreads kindness like kaya on a warm bread.
(Update : As a family we are processing the episode and we are coping well. I sincerely appreciate the well wishes. If there is anything you could do it would be messengers of kindness and compassion on every channel you have to rally people towards positivity. I am really saddened by some people who don’t realise that their aggressive stance models unhealthy behaviours for others, especially the young people.
Is it when a child whether foreign or otherwise gets bullied in school by others who have been radicalised when we will take matters with more gravity ?
Let’s work together to continue safeguarding our society. I choose to hear the chorus of Goodness.)
***This could be potentially a stress inducing post for some people to read and I suggest you either skip or cycle back to it when you are more ready.***
And yes, it’s a very Long post.
(But before I get into what happened to
my family, I would like to set some context)
Let’s rewind
Several days ago, I wrote a post about the man shouting at the security person.
My main point was and still is that we cannot be Attacking a person based on their race or country of origin or generalise everyone who comes from a certain group.
It’s the path of hatred which will only grow in ferocity and seek to bring darkness.
I had a mix of comments to my post. A large number echoed my sentiments whilst some disagreed which I think it’s perfectly ok.
However, I also got some ferocious comments accusing me of being a “closet racist” and that I should not play the “race card” (which ironically was my point in the first place)
The profile of these persons did not seem authentic and after some contemplation I decided that due to it’s incendiary nature, to delete the comments and block the account. The person commenting seemed highly triggered (personally, if I could I would like to sit with him/her and have dialogue to understand their suffering).
People have petitioned for his employer to
Fire him.
New information that he could be a citizen has surfaced but yet people want him to be sent back.
Some have indicated that the LinkedIn profile, his supposed income levels could be false.
1 celebrity has also chimed in an almost rallying call which is confrontational and aggravating. (which has been shared over 3k times)
People of politics have used this incident as a testament to push their anti immigration vis-à-vis Singaporean first agenda.
Many things have happened and still seem to
Be happening.
Will things settle down or has this online lynch mobbing and harassment the taste of first blood and the descent into normalising race based, nationality based abuse and harassment ?
Back to Family.
My wife and kids were about to cross a small road in our carpark at about 6pm yesterday when a sporty hatchback came hurtling
down and without warning made a turn without any signal.
My family was startled and my wife being the protective parent she is, shot a disapproving glare at the driver as things would have been very different if she had decided to step off the pavement 3 seconds sooner.
The driver stopped his car.
Reversed quickly to where my Wife and kids were standing on the pavement, wound down his tinted windows and...
hurled some racial slurs and said, “Go back to India.”
Hate is omnidirectional and always leads us to the same end. Decay and Death.
The driver went on to ask whether my Wife had permission to cross the street (an odd question in my view.)
My wife (who I am sure was still having a massive adrenaline and histamine rush from the shock) with two young equally shaken and disorientated kids in tow, retorted, “This is a carpark. You cannot drive slowly and signal before you turn is it?”
Upon hearing her Fiesty Singlishness he sped off (her account)
No apology, no reconciliation.
The collateral damage ?
Our kids. A negative imprint.
Wife calls me in distress to relay this news.
I could hear trauma and her quavering breath
She was hurt and more than that, afraid.
In my mind...
This could have escalated to dismal ends. With blaring sirens and screaming children.
These things happen in a gush.
There are REAL consequences and downstream reverberations to the online attacks on the guy with my namesake.
That 1.5 million dollar condo dwelling fellow needs to face the appropriate consequences in accordance to the laws of our land.
A day in court and a fair trial if it ever goes to that. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Has the online frenzied Attack on him emboldened and invited others to now perhaps start directing viciousness to others based on race? Or was my family’s experience completely unrelated?
The signal that if a person is “foreign” or “not one of us” it’s perfectly ok to Attack with the full fury of Hell?
I need your support
and it’s just one small thing.
1. Participate in online conversations where you think useful to share the messages of unification and compassion. Where you notice people being cruel, Step Up. Speak up. Yes, you might not win fans while doing this but it’s important.
To Find the Goodness In Others (F.G.I.O). It takes everyone to build a society. Society isn’t a commodity that is meant for consumption. It cannot be created without you in it.
It’s the very shared space and context we either thrive or die in. The scorching fumes of
Radicalisation takes the smallest of fissures to penetrate our way of life to make life as we know it acrid.
Please help me in counter balancing vicious online conversations with kindness where possible so that we prevent these spaces from becoming a cesspool for radicalised supremacy.
Voice out where you see unfairness.
Supplementary reading.
Awareness
is the first step to ChangeStress reveals the conditioned tendencies people hold on to. Their habits and patterns of survival kick in. How do people react when they are triggered ? How do you react when you are upset ?
To Change is to first become aware.
According to Virgina Satir (a famous psychologist in the area of family therapy) there are 4 survival stances.
1. Placator (tries to please others)
2. Blamer (finds fault with others)
3. Super Reasonable (cold, unfeeling)
4. Irrevelant (becomes illogical)
The fifth stance is a balanced one where a person considers their own feelings and thoughts, the other party and the context.
Here is how you can identify a survival stance in the comments/posts online.
Blamer
“The G is to be blamed. They signed the CECA.”
“The G created this “FT” problem.”
Super Reasonable
“We need to teach this “FT” a lesson so that others won’t dare do such things.
“I don’t give a shit about this “FT” and full wrath of the law must be executed.
“He deserves to be punished because he doesn’t follow the law.”
Distractor
“Here is another case of such things (usually there is no direct link)
Cursing and swearing.
Conspiracy theories
Citing incorrect evidence to justify and refuses to retract or correct when new information surfaces.
Many things can trigger us and when we do get triggered we rarely showcase our highest selfs. The best way I found is to not aggravate the situation.
I truly believe we live in a compassionate world. I believe there are amazing people who
choose to operate from and with Joy. I know
we can make healthy choices based on the circumstances that are presented to us.
We can return to truth that we are interconnected and not separate from each other in more ways than one. Be a voice that spreads kindness like kaya on a warm bread.
(Update : As a family we are processing the episode and we are coping well. I sincerely appreciate the well wishes. If there is anything you could do it would be messengers of kindness and compassion on every channel you have to rally people towards positivity. I am really saddened by some people who don’t realise that their aggressive stance models unhealthy behaviours for others, especially the young people.
Is it when a child whether foreign or otherwise gets bullied in school by others who have been radicalised when we will take matters with more gravity ?
Let’s work together to continue safeguarding our society. I choose to hear the chorus of Goodness.)
