Father’s lost manhood

[MarrickG]

Dear Thelma

My dad (who is divorced from my mum) has had a long string of horrible girlfriends. His current girlfriend is worse than the others as she has slowly begun to control his entire life.

He started dating her about 14 months ago and she told my dad that she loved him on their third date. Unfortunately dad is stupid in love, so he didn't see this as a red flag. She was having sex with him and being nice to him, so he just rolled with it.

She then moved into our house (I'm an only child) right away while ignoring me completely.

After a while, she started to claim ownership of the house. One of the bathrooms is now off limits to any guest as it is "her" bathroom. She will not allow people to come over to visit my dad any more. Should anybody come over when she's about to get home, my dad gets nervous and will push the person out of his house.

My dad's friend from out of town was staying at his house a few weeks back (as he had done for the last 15 years), and she was furious with him as he didn't consult her and it is "their" house.

Dad is literally not allowed to have his brother over when she's there. The reason she hates my uncle so much is that he warned dad that she might be a gold digger. She then refused to marry my dad just to show how angry she was.

My dad really takes care of her. He makes sure that the maid cooks for her and waits on her as she has a job and there can be no change to their eating schedule.

He was helping me with something the other day, and she was really upset because she had returned early from work to spend time with him. She knew he was going to help me that night; she does everything in her power to prevent him from spending time with anybody but her.

How can I get my dad to rediscover his manhood? He caves in to her every demand and it seems like he's terrified of making her angry. They don't have that "spark" that good couples have, and I'm pretty sure dad doesn't even like her that much.

He's stupid enough to do anything to preserve the status quo though, as he is scared of being alone. My uncle had a long talk with him and claimed to have gotten through to him, but I doubt that's true. Please help.

Helpless 18

You are smart enough to realise that your dad is scared of being alone, which is probably why he is hanging on to this woman that he does not even like. But until he wises up to her true self, there is little you can do.

Your uncle has been doing the favour of talking to your dad. However, a man who needs a woman does not usually heed good advice.

At this moment, he is not thinking with his head and few people can persuade him to kick out this woman who has her ways and wiles to keep him happy. She is a smart cookie, too, and manages to keep your dad around her little finger.

Perhaps you should talk to your dad, but not pass derogatory remarks or criticise his woman. Let him think about your education and future. You need his financial support and hopefully, his girlfriend will not thwart your plans.

If she plays the mean wicked stepmother, hopefully your dad will soon wake up to her real persona. But you do need to get your father on your side, so try to be understanding instead of getting angry about his weakness.

You love your dad and it must be tough watching him being a fool. You want to yell at him for being so stupid, a warning that will save so much heartache and pain.

Hopefully, this woman truly loves him even though she seems to be cold and indifferent towards you. Adults are such a mess sometimes. We do not really know what we want except to be loved.

At 18, you are an independent young woman. Bide your time and ensure that you have your future mapped out.

If your dad can afford it, get him to put aside enough money for your studies at least. When you are out of the house, you can be more empathetic as you do not feel the constant friction and frustration of watching your father with his woman.

Wish your dad well. Be happy for him so that you do not have to deal with rage, guilt and bitterness from being helpless. Love him, show him that you care. This is the best you can do right now.

http://www.divaasia.com/article/10896