SINGAPORE — When my wife and I first started dating, I was amused to find out that she, too, is an only child.
The typical ups and downs of not having siblings in the household while growing up was something familiar to us both.
However, that sense of amusement of meeting a life partner with a similar background soon began to fade. This was especially after we tied the knot and the realities of being part of each other’s families set in, making us become aware of something that drew our concern.
For the first two Hari Raya Aidilfitri as a married couple, my wife and I were away from our parents.
In 2019, we were overseas for work.
The following year, it was the circuit breaker or semi-lockdown in Singapore due to the Covid-19 outbreak that separated us, as we live separately from our parents and the prevailing social restrictions then did not allow for visitors.
So for those two years, our parents were without our company celebrating Aidilfitri — a festive occasion for Muslims that hinges on gathering with loved ones and renewing familial ties.
It really struck me hard then, that besides the two of us, our parents don’t have any other children to turn to, rely on or keep them company.
WHAT IF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS
Sure, having a spouse who is also an only child would mean that we have some views and outlook in common, making it easier to talk to each other about our concerns.
But it also compounds our fears when we think about worst-case scenarios.
If, by some great misfortune, either of us gets struck down by a critical illness or major disability in the future, it would mean that the other partner would effectively have five members to care for — with no one else to share the load.
Even with sufficient medical coverage, for example, the prospect of being solely responsible for five family members is very daunting.
I’ve seen siblings in bigger families taking turns to accompany their parents for medical check-ups, depending on their respective work and leave schedules.
For my wife and me, the leeway to shift around schedules would be a little tighter.
At this point, I should say that our parents are still blessed with relatively good health. They are also financially self-sufficient and, apart from a very limited number of tasks, they are very much independent.
It would be remiss of me not to admit that our parents have instead been the ones helping us with errands every now and then, especially when my wife and I get too busy with work (steals glances at editors).
ANTICIPATION ANXIETY AND MORE
While writing this piece, I chatted with about 10 adults of various ages and backgrounds who are also the only child in their families.
While most of them have parents in their 50s or 60s who are still active and mobile, these children share the same anxieties that my wife and I have.
Ms Maniesha Blakey, a counsellor at MindWhatMatters, said that this form of anxiety might be attributable to a fear of the unknown.
“It may be that you don't really know what to expect. And if that is the case, then finding out as much as you can about the different facets of caregiving when it comes to elderly parents may be quite helpful,” she said.
That anticipation of future possibilities does not just affect us mentally.
More at https://www.todayonline.com/singapo...our-parents-caregivers-are-compounded-1836721
