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some light moments.......

Meteour

Alfrescian
Loyal
A French Woman and her Dog

The train was crowded, and U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.'
She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!' This time the Marine didn't say a word. He just picked up the little dog, and tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour, this American should be put in his place!'
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your motor vehicles on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

. :smile:
 

Meteour

Alfrescian
Loyal
From:
Singapore Inc,
Department of Minister Acquisition,
Istana, Orchard Rd, Singapore 238823

To: Leaders of the Free World

RE: Singapore seeks new Prime Minister

Dear Sir,

Singapore Inc. was formed in the aftermath of the latest spate of ministerial salary increment. Disgruntled Singaporeans, tired of being powerless, got together and the first Annual General Meeting of Singapore Inc. was convened to discuss the various problems plaguing our nation.

Faced with a soaring CPI, our elite team of ministers, who are incidentally the highest paid group of politicians in the world, offered this advice to citizens affected by the slew of price hikes: switch to cheaper products.

We at Singapore Inc., were so impressed with their creativity that we took the advice to heart. Not only that, as responsible citizens, we have voted to carry this advice further and to its logical conclusion: switch to cheaper politicians.

We did our sums and arrived at the conclusion that if we were to replace the current Prime Minister and his cabinet with cheaper but more talented foreign imports, we would save millions for the Treasury in the short term and billions in the long run. Therefore, we at Singapore Inc. appeal to world leaders in both the political and commercial arenas to apply for the post of Prime Minister of Singapore.

Ideally, the incoming Prime Minister should be willing to work long hours for very little money.

Should you accept the post of Prime Minister, we are pleased to offer you the following terms:

- An annual salary of US$800,000 dollars. It may be much lesser than the US$2.05 million paid to our current Prime Minister, but why do you think we are seeking a replacement in the first place? US$800,000 dollars is twice the amount the American president is earning, and not to be sneezed at.

-The position of Prime Minister of Singapore is hereditary, and you can even exercise the option of choosing your successor from either your own family members or close associates.

-Guaranteed return to power at every ‘General Election’ for the Prime Minister and his party.

-Stock options and a seat on the board of directors in the GIC. The GIC is a Sovereign Wealth Fund established to manage Singapore’s foreign reserves which amounts to more than US$100 billion. Unfortunately, we are unable to give you an exact figure at the moment. Please have fun finding out when you become Prime Minister.

-The spouse of the Prime Minister will be offered the post of CEO of Temasek Holdings, the executive arm of the GIC. It currently manages a portfolio of more than *US$100 billion. (*Exact figure unknown)

-Health, dental, life and disability insurance.

Duties and Responsibilities:

-Upon assuming office, the Prime Minister will form the new government. We at Singapore Inc. advise a complete overhaul of the Cabinet. Currently, a Singapore minister earn an annual salary of US$1.32 million. We advise appointing ministers who will be happy with US$360,200. That is much lower than the current pay scale for a Singapore minister but twice the amount a US Cabinet Secretary is earning. With 15 Cabinet ministers (excluding the Senior Minister and Minister Mentor), this exercise to curb the excesses of the cabinet will save the Treasury US$14.4 million a year.

-We at Singapore Inc. advise that the posts of Senior Minister and Minister Mentor are redundant and a waste of taxpayers’ money. No other Prime Minister in the world needs to be advised by a Senior Minister and mentored by a Minister Mentor at the same time. Doing away with these redundancies will save the Treasury another US$4 million a year.

-Traditionally, Singapore has a President who is the ceremonial head of State. However, after Ong Teng Cheong’s term of office, what little executive power the post of President conferred has been further curtailed. We at Singapore Inc. therefore consider the current salary for the President at US$2.6 million to be an excess and an unnecessary burden on taxpayers. We advise keeping the ceremonial post of President but reducing his salary to US$315,000 which is on par with what the President of Germany is getting.

-If our advice is taken and implemented, that will save the Treasury approximately US$22 million a year. And you will be popular with the people.

We look forward to you joining us.

Singapore Inc.
(For the people. By the people)

Written by Singa Crew
 

Meteour

Alfrescian
Loyal
Posted on Sunday, September 12, 2004
Topic: The Arts
The Arts
by Pak Cham Kai




“Some people have suggested that I am increasingly out of touch with the aspirations of the young people of today,” said Mr. Lee, who was recently bestowed the title of ‘Minister Mentor’ after the handover of the Prime Ministership to his son. “So I gotta knuckle up and prove to these niggaz that there ain’t no diggety that me and my homies, we still be down wid it an’ shit, you know what I’m sayin’, son?”

The album, “My Name Is (MM Lee)” is the first hip-hop album to be made compulsorily examinable for the GCE ‘O’ Levels, and its first single, “The Real MM Lee”, has been hailed by the State’s Times music reviewer as “more chillin’ than the air-con at Whitley Road Detention Centre.”

For our readers’ edification, we are pleased to excerpt some lyrics:

THE REAL MM LEE
Em’n’em’ (Temasek Records, 2004)

Hi! My name is... (what?) My name is... (who?)
My name is... {scratches} Harry Lee
Hi! My name is... (huh?) My name is... (what?)
But call me... {scratches} MM Lee!
Ahem. Excuse me!
Can I have the attention of the class for one second?

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
For MM Lee will you please stand up?
I repeat, for MM Lee, will you please stand up?
Or else you’re gonna have a problem here...

Y'all act like you never seen a minister mentor before
But I been here for years, in this city of Singapore
Which I’m gonna rule till I’m a hundred and four or more
I’m gonna make a prediction, that whether or not there’s an election (Ahh!)
I’m going to return just like before
Hey, wait, no way, don’t ji seow me
He didn’t just say that, did he?
What about his son Little PM Lee? So what about him?
Who’s your daddy? I said, who’s your daddy? (Ha ha!)
Your daddy - he’s Em’n’em! (Chigga chigga chigga)
Harry Lee, you can’t eject me
Look at me, walkin’ around, grabbin’ them votes
Suin’ the pants of you-know-who!
Yeah, and you could be next too!
Some folks, they say they don’t like my views
But so what? It’s your citizen’s right to choose
And you folks, you just refuse to let me lose
So you ain’t got no right to sing the blues
My ass is on your lips, my ass is on your lips
So pucker up and give me a big wet kiss
That’s the message I want to deliver to all you kids
In my hood, the game’s played like this
Of course you all know that’s how it is
By the time you hit Sec 4
And you want cash to go to the department store
You know you got to play my game, if you want more of the same
It’s all planned out for you like a blueprint
You better listen close and get the hint
Follow it, or your face will bear my shoeprint (Owww!)
Careful now, don’t be tempted to rock the boat
You don’t want someone to come slit your throat
I don’t mean to brag
But all you niggaz be flyin’ my flag

Chorus:

‘Cause I’m Harry Lee,
Yes, I’m the real Lee
All the MPs, they’re just imitatin’
So for me, ol’ MM Lee, won’t you please stand up
Please stand up!
Please stand up!
Don’t you dare say I’m shady
Because I’m si beh steady
So for me, ol’ MM Lee, won’t you please stand up
Please stand up!
Please stand up!

Etc.
 

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