http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news/story/0,4136,178177,00.html?
Troubled couples should seek help early
September 28, 2008
OUTBURSTS of violence between couples are becoming more common.
The recent case of Russell Tan, who stabbed and slashed his wife repeatedly after an argument, highlights the importance of managing a couple's mental health. Tan's lawyer quoted Dr Lim Yun Chin of Raffles Hospital, who treated the couple, saying that the wife knew 'with accurate precision how to bring out the worst in the accused'.
The New Paper asks three marriage counsellors how a couple can maintain their mental well-being.
1. Address persistent issues, communicate and seek help early if necessary
Sweeping problems under the carpet is the worst thing to do. Marriage counsellor Vincent Teo, 58, who has been helping couples for over 20 years, gave one example of a husband and wife who had trouble getting along for more than 10 years. Things got so bad that he even tried to kill her. The wife later took out a personal protection order against the husband.
Mr Teo said: 'Couples often think there's no point to talking, but if they don't, the problem will come back and get worse. It will just need an event to trigger it.'
2. Adjust expectations but make the effort to maintain the relationship
Ms Lee Yean Wun, a social worker from Kampong Kapor family service centre who has counselled couples for over 20 years, said: 'There may be certain expectations of how spousal relationships are supposed to be, but the reality is that there will be ups and downs, depending on the different life stages.
'Don't over-idealise marriage. Sometimes the romantic feeling may subside.'
Make the effort to spend time alone together, as people grow and change .
3. Fight fair by staying with the issue, avoid put-down statements
Mr Benny Bong, a family and marital therapist for over 25 years, said: 'Women tend to attack a man's competence, while men tend to attack a woman's mental health and emotionality. This is particularly hurtful for both sides.'
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SORRY
Schools to get more helpers (TNP, 26 Sep): Our report said the age cap for Edusave eligibility will go up from 16 to 18. This is incorrect. The Ministry of Education is extending the Edusave contributions to all Singaporean students at secondary level, regardless of age.
Troubled couples should seek help early
September 28, 2008
OUTBURSTS of violence between couples are becoming more common.
The recent case of Russell Tan, who stabbed and slashed his wife repeatedly after an argument, highlights the importance of managing a couple's mental health. Tan's lawyer quoted Dr Lim Yun Chin of Raffles Hospital, who treated the couple, saying that the wife knew 'with accurate precision how to bring out the worst in the accused'.
The New Paper asks three marriage counsellors how a couple can maintain their mental well-being.
1. Address persistent issues, communicate and seek help early if necessary
Sweeping problems under the carpet is the worst thing to do. Marriage counsellor Vincent Teo, 58, who has been helping couples for over 20 years, gave one example of a husband and wife who had trouble getting along for more than 10 years. Things got so bad that he even tried to kill her. The wife later took out a personal protection order against the husband.
Mr Teo said: 'Couples often think there's no point to talking, but if they don't, the problem will come back and get worse. It will just need an event to trigger it.'
2. Adjust expectations but make the effort to maintain the relationship
Ms Lee Yean Wun, a social worker from Kampong Kapor family service centre who has counselled couples for over 20 years, said: 'There may be certain expectations of how spousal relationships are supposed to be, but the reality is that there will be ups and downs, depending on the different life stages.
'Don't over-idealise marriage. Sometimes the romantic feeling may subside.'
Make the effort to spend time alone together, as people grow and change .
3. Fight fair by staying with the issue, avoid put-down statements
Mr Benny Bong, a family and marital therapist for over 25 years, said: 'Women tend to attack a man's competence, while men tend to attack a woman's mental health and emotionality. This is particularly hurtful for both sides.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SORRY
Schools to get more helpers (TNP, 26 Sep): Our report said the age cap for Edusave eligibility will go up from 16 to 18. This is incorrect. The Ministry of Education is extending the Edusave contributions to all Singaporean students at secondary level, regardless of age.
