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Ok for women to have younger husbands?

makapaaa

Alfrescian (Inf)
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Coffeeshop Chit Chat - Ok for women to have younger husbands?</TD><TD id=msgunetc noWrap align=right>
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</NOBR> </TD><TD class=msgDate width="30%" noWrap align=right>12:00 am </TD></TR><TR class=msghead><TD class=msgT height=20 width="1%" noWrap align=right>To: </TD><TD class=msgTname width="68%" noWrap>ALL <NOBR></NOBR></TD><TD class=msgNum noWrap align=right> (1 of 10) </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR><TR><TD class=msgleft rowSpan=4 width="1%"> </TD><TD class=wintiny noWrap align=right>24002.1 </TD></TR><TR><TD height=8></TD></TR><TR><TD class=msgtxt><TABLE border=0 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD>Younger hubby
</TD></TR><TR><TD><!-- headline one : end --></TD></TR><TR><TD>No cougars and no taboos in marriages here between older women and younger men </TD></TR><TR><TD><!-- Author --></TD></TR><TR><TD class="padlrt8 georgia11 darkgrey bold" colSpan=2>By Tan Yi Hui
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Jitterbugging couple (seen here) Lim Sing Yuen, 47, and Chong Chan Meng, 36, who have three children (Photo 2). --PHOTOS: DESMOND WEE, COURTESY OF LIM SING YUEN
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<!-- START OF : div id="storytext"--><!-- more than 4 paragraphs -->A predatory woman on the prowl for fresh meat in the form of younger men - the cougar. It is a cliche about older women that has been given a new lease of life lately with television shows using it as a theme.
American TV reality dating show The Cougar aired on-demand on SingTel mio TV's Season Pass earlier this year, featuring 40-year-old blonde bombshell Stacey Anderson, a mother of four who has a group of 20-something men drooling over her.
And a sitcom called Cougar Town, starring Courtney Cox from Friends, hit screens in the United States recently. Cox plays a newly single middle-aged mum back on the dating scene.
So are there cougars on the hunt in Singapore? Couples here declare all that fuss and hype could not be further from the truth.
Experts tell LifeStyle that it is time to throw away these prejudices and stereotypes about older women and younger men.
Although a check with the Department of Statistics shows that the proportion of men marrying women six or more years older has held steady at an average of 2.1 per cent of total annual marriages over the last decade, experts say the trend is set to increase as society becomes more liberal.
And there is no 'predatory' issue involved at all, such couples say. What is more important are the relationship dynamics caused by the age gap.
Civil servant and mother-of-two Margaret Chee, 39 recalls having insecurity issues with her now husband, Anthony Lee, 33, a lawyer. The couple met 13 years ago when they were colleagues at the Ministry of Defence (Mindef). She was a staff member, while he was doing national service.
They hit it off and he gave her moral and emotional support when she had to undergo surgery to remove an ovary because of a cyst.
When he went to law school, they felt insecure about the relationship. She says: 'He was six years younger than me. With so many young girls in school, there were always temptations.
'But I was at Mindef with mostly male colleagues, so he, too, had insecurities to the point of being possessive, asking me who I was out with. Sometimes I would cry over such arguments.'
The couple worked out their issues, recognising they were serious about each other and got to know each other's families. Ms Chee admits that their families were concerned about whether their relationship would work out, but ultimately all were supportive.
Despite cases like Ms Chee's, the older-woman-younger-man relationship is still seen as taboo by most people. Some couples LifeStyle contacted declined to be featured because of sensitivities.
Marketing executive Lara Tan, 24, says: 'I would not date younger guys because I find older men much more mature and attractive.'
A 20-something sales manager who wants to be known only as Dominic, says: 'I've dated women much older than me but I doubt it would work out in marriage where I'll have to answer to my family.'
So what is the fuss about?
Associate professor Tan Ern Ser, a sociologist from the National University of Singapore (NUS), says: 'We are still a patriarchal society, though less so than before.
'Men are expected to be the breadwinner, head of the household and authority figure in the family. Since these roles come with age, it seems logical for women to marry older men. Those who do otherwise are seen as deviating from the norm.'
Psychologist Daniel Koh says young children are taught to respect older women as mother figures. This affects how they base their values as adults, and to some, older women cannot be seen in a sexual light.
But experts point out that society here is expected to open up more to such marriages as people become more educated and liberal-minded.
Another NUS sociologist, Professor Jean Yeung, says that because of such changes, 'marriages become more individualistic. People are seeking gratifying relationships in a marriage'.
She adds: 'The increasing number of celebrities in popular culture who are in such relationships has likely reduced the stigma.'
At the end of the day, such couples may have a trump card over others.
Mr Ang Thiam Hong, psychotherapist and relationship coach at Edora Counselling Services, explains: 'The age gap may be positive as it serves as a natural motivation for the couple to tend more to their marriage, instead of neglecting it as many couples do over time.'


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makapaaa

Alfrescian (Inf)
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<TABLE border=0 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR class=msghead><TD><TABLE border=0 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0><TBODY><TR class=msghead><TD class=msgF width="1%" noWrap align=right>From: </TD><TD class=msgFname width="68%" noWrap>CPL (kojakbt22) <NOBR>
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</NOBR> </TD><TD class=msgDate width="30%" noWrap align=right>12:06 am </TD></TR><TR class=msghead><TD class=msgT height=20 width="1%" noWrap align=right>To: </TD><TD class=msgTname width="68%" noWrap>ALL <NOBR></NOBR></TD><TD class=msgNum noWrap align=right> (3 of 10) </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR><TR><TD class=msgleft rowSpan=4 width="1%"> </TD><TD class=wintiny noWrap align=right>24002.3 in reply to 24002.2 </TD></TR><TR><TD height=8></TD></TR><TR><TD class=msgtxt>LEONARD OW, 22, full-time national service, and ANA OW, 33, editor
They have a one-year-old son, Keyaan
Most young men in national service (NS) are thinking of where to party, their girlfriends and how their studies are going.
But Mr Leonard Ow's thoughts are mostly with his wife Ana and their baby son.
At just 22, he is already a married man of well over a year, and also a father.
And his wife is 11 years older than him.
Theirs is a unique relationship and yet, no different from what other love-birds go through. She says: 'We share a connection and our marriage is bound by a clear sense of commitment.'
She was a part-time dance instructor in her late 20s and he a dance student of about 17 when they first met. They became close after two years of socialising on and off the dance floor, and started dating when he was 19.
That was when Ms Ow, an only child, moved in with his family. His parents are divorced and at that time, he was staying with his mother and elder brother.
She says: 'We liked being around each other and decided: 'Let's just be in one place together'.'
Family members might have been surprised at the gap in their ages, but all were supportive of the relationship when it was clear both were serious about each other.
They got married early last year after eight months of living together. She was 32, while he was 21 and entering NS.
Little Keyaan was born last November and Mr Ow books out of camp every day to see his son.
She says: 'Leonard brings a certain kind of enthusiasm to the relationship, even though he is introverted and analytical.'
Showing a maturity beyond his years, he was caring throughout her pregnancy, massaging her during labour and consulting with the nurses and obstetrician. His tongue-in-cheek reaction after their child was born: 'That was fun!'
She recalls fondly: 'I rolled my eyes at this choice of words, but it also struck me that his approach to our relationship was so positive and willing.'
The only challenge, he says, is: 'In terms of income, I obviously don't have much now. That's the only thing I see that is missing from this entire situation.'
She adds however: 'I am happy being the one supporting us right now and his time will come to contribute financially.
'He is already supporting the family by being with me throughout childbirth, driving us around on errands and fetching me home when I work late.'
That is because he is 'not your typical 22-year-old', she says, adding: 'He's not interested in partying or video games, but prefers to go to Ikea with me to seek out bargains and deals.'
The couple have been living with her father in the east since their marriage and will soon move into their new home, a four-room flat opposite her dad's.
As for naysayers, she points out: 'I'm just a woman who fell in love with a man 11 years younger. People will believe what they want to believe, but I never bought into this 'cougar' label.'
She says that a doctor, who delivered their son in a natural drug-free birth, told her: 'Your husband, despite his age, is more 'man' than most of the husbands I have witnessed.
'Either they faint from the sight of blood, fall asleep, get engrossed watching soccer or call for the doctor to administer drugs to speed things up.'


[email protected]

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Kuailan

Alfrescian
Loyal
To those man who married older woman, good luck, when you'e 22 she's 33 it's alright, but as you grew older like she's 60 and you're 49 now you look like
her SON! she's your mother!!
 

johnny333

Alfrescian (Inf)
Asset
I have to question the motive for these articles appearing :confused:

Is it an attempt to get women to marry down or guys to accept older women :smile:


Wasn't there some study about younger wifes & older husbands having more successful marriages. I think that study was more convincing :rolleyes:
 

cooleo

Alfrescian
Loyal
If the age gap not too wide - like 60 years old ah pek + 20 years old mei mei, i don't see how it is a problem.

Personally, i think it is a problem if for instance
- woman is mid to late 30s or 40s (going to be too old for childbearing soon)
- man is 20+ and doesn't wish to marry or start family yet. If u are the man in this example, please don't be irresponsible and make the woman wait for u if u have no plans to marry her.
 
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