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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Perspectives
Two Women were chatting in the office………….
Woman 1: I had sex last night, did you?
Woman 2: Yes.
Woman 1: Was it good?
Woman 2: No, it was a disaster… My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner.
After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour.
It was like a fairytale!
At the same time, their husbands were talking at work……..
Husband 1: You wanted sex last night, how was it?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep.
It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there’s no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn’t paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn’t have money left for a cab.
We had to walk home which took an hour – and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light fucking candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn’t get it up for an hour and then I couldn’t come for another hour.
After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn’t fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another fucking hour.
Two Women were chatting in the office………….
Woman 1: I had sex last night, did you?
Woman 2: Yes.
Woman 1: Was it good?
Woman 2: No, it was a disaster… My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner.
After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour.
It was like a fairytale!
At the same time, their husbands were talking at work……..
Husband 1: You wanted sex last night, how was it?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep.
It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there’s no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn’t paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn’t have money left for a cab.
We had to walk home which took an hour – and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light fucking candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn’t get it up for an hour and then I couldn’t come for another hour.
After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn’t fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another fucking hour.
One day Paddy goes into a pharmacy - reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours from the bottle onto the teaspoon and offers it to the pharmacist.
"Could you taste this for me, please?"
The pharmacist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.
"Does that taste sweet to you?? asks the chap.
"No, not at all," says the chemist.
"Oh that's a relief," says Paddy. "The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar by the pharmacist."
----------
Wife: I’m heading to the store. Do you want anything?
Hubby: I want a sense of meaning & purpose in my life. I seek fulfillment and completeness to my soul. I want to connect to God and discover the spiritual side to me....
Wife: Be specific - Black Label or Chivas?
He pours from the bottle onto the teaspoon and offers it to the pharmacist.
"Could you taste this for me, please?"
The pharmacist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.
"Does that taste sweet to you?? asks the chap.
"No, not at all," says the chemist.
"Oh that's a relief," says Paddy. "The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar by the pharmacist."
----------
Wife: I’m heading to the store. Do you want anything?
Hubby: I want a sense of meaning & purpose in my life. I seek fulfillment and completeness to my soul. I want to connect to God and discover the spiritual side to me....
Wife: Be specific - Black Label or Chivas?
*Hilarious Laws which you have not studied in schools:*
*Law of equality :*
The time taken by a wife when she says I'll get ready in 5 minutes is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says 'I'll call you in 5 minutes!
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of Queue:*
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of Telephone:*
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of Mechanical Repair:*
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of the Workshop:*
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Bath Theorem:*
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of Encounters:*
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of the Result:*
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of Bio mechanics:*
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Theatre Rule:*
People with the seats at the farthest from the entry arrive last.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of Coffee:*
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will
last until the coffee is cold.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of Proposal :*
After you accept a proposal you will get a better one...
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of getting late*
When you reach early for something it will never start on time
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of exam*
If you didn't read a page which is of least importance, first question will be from that page only.
--
*Law of equality :*
The time taken by a wife when she says I'll get ready in 5 minutes is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says 'I'll call you in 5 minutes!
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of Queue:*
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of Telephone:*
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of Mechanical Repair:*
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of the Workshop:*
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Bath Theorem:*
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of Encounters:*
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of the Result:*
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of Bio mechanics:*
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Theatre Rule:*
People with the seats at the farthest from the entry arrive last.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of Coffee:*
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will
last until the coffee is cold.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of Proposal :*
After you accept a proposal you will get a better one...
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of getting late*
When you reach early for something it will never start on time
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
*Law of exam*
If you didn't read a page which is of least importance, first question will be from that page only.
--
Common sense economics?
Wife to her Accountant husband: what is inflation?
Husband: Earlier you were 36-24-36. But now you are 48-40-48.
Though you have everything bigger than before, your value has become less than before.
This is INFLATION
-----------
Economics is not that difficult if we have the right examples.
Interviewer: What is Recession?
Candidate: When "Wine & Women" get replaced by "Water & Wife", that critical phase of life is called Recession!!
------
Accountancy fact:
What is the difference between Liability & Asset?
A drunk friend is liability.
But,
A drunk Girlfriend is an Asset.
-----------
An Economist beautifully explained two reasons for having 2 wifes.
A- Monopoly should be broken.
B- Competition improves the quality of service.
If u have 1 wife, She fights with u!
If u have 2 wifes, They will fight for u!
Feel the difference & decide
Disclaimer:
Sender is not having any such experience and not responsible for any side effects..
-----------------------------------
When you are in love,
Wonders happen.
But once you get married,
You wonder, what happened.
-----------------------------------
Philosophy of marriage :
At the beginning,
every wife treats her husband as GOD..
Later, somehow don't know why..
alphabets get reversed..
-----------------------------------
Secret formula for married couples...
"Love One Another"
And if it doesn't work, bring the last word in the middle.!!!!
---------------------------------
Wife to her Accountant husband: what is inflation?
Husband: Earlier you were 36-24-36. But now you are 48-40-48.
Though you have everything bigger than before, your value has become less than before.
This is INFLATION
-----------
Economics is not that difficult if we have the right examples.
Interviewer: What is Recession?
Candidate: When "Wine & Women" get replaced by "Water & Wife", that critical phase of life is called Recession!!
------
Accountancy fact:
What is the difference between Liability & Asset?
A drunk friend is liability.
But,
A drunk Girlfriend is an Asset.
-----------
An Economist beautifully explained two reasons for having 2 wifes.
A- Monopoly should be broken.
B- Competition improves the quality of service.
If u have 1 wife, She fights with u!
If u have 2 wifes, They will fight for u!
Feel the difference & decide
Disclaimer:
Sender is not having any such experience and not responsible for any side effects..
-----------------------------------
When you are in love,
Wonders happen.
But once you get married,
You wonder, what happened.
-----------------------------------
Philosophy of marriage :
At the beginning,
every wife treats her husband as GOD..
Later, somehow don't know why..
alphabets get reversed..
-----------------------------------
Secret formula for married couples...
"Love One Another"
And if it doesn't work, bring the last word in the middle.!!!!
---------------------------------
Who's a coward?
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the most coward.
The first one says, *My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes, my dad slides underneath our bed."*
The second kid goes, *"That's nothing my dad is so scared that when mummy works night shift, he sleeps with the Aunty next door.*
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the most coward.
The first one says, *My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes, my dad slides underneath our bed."*
The second kid goes, *"That's nothing my dad is so scared that when mummy works night shift, he sleeps with the Aunty next door.*
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