Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine

A Hole Behind

A man went to a strange town to be the guest speaker at a business meeting.

When he arrived at his Motel, he found he had a lot of time before the meeting so he got the directions for a nearby golf course from the clerk.

While playing on the front nine, he thought over his impending speech and became confused as to where he was on the course.

Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him.

He walked up to her, explained the situation and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole."

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request.

She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th."

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went into the club house where he saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.

He asked the bartender if he knew the lady.

The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand you are in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?"

She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."

"No I wouldn't."

"Well if you must know", she answered, "I sell sanitary towels."

She said, "See I knew you would laugh."

"That's not what I'm laughing at" he replied, "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm still a hole behind you!

A young woman dressed in shorts had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked "Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee!"- she said.

"Where?" he asked.

"Between the first and second hole," she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."

Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar. He didn't have a lighter, so he asked his friend if he had one. 'I sure do,' he replied while he reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12-inch Bic lighter.

'Wow!' said his friend, 'Where did you get that monster lighter?'

'I got it from my genie.'

'You have a genie?'

'Yes, right here in my golf bag.'

'Could I see him?'

He opens his golf bag and out pops a genie. The friend asks the genie, 'Since, I'm a good friend of your master, will you grant me one wish?'

'Yes I will'' the genie replies.

The friend asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there, waiting for his million bucks. Suddenly, the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard.

The friend tells his golfing partner, 'I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'

He answers,'I forgot to tell you that the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?'

TGIF

What a piss:p



For CHC groupies?:o

A COWBOY'S TOMBSTONE:



Here are the Five Rules for Men to Follow for a Happy Life that Russell J. Larsen had inscribed on his headstone in Logan, Utah. He died not knowing that he would win the 'Coolest Headstone' contest.

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.

yinyang said:

Click to expand...

You think so?

A man is watching a game of golf on TV, but he keeps switching channels to a movie featuring a lusty couple having raucous sex.
"I don't know whether to watch the couple or the golf game," he says to his wife.

"For Heaven's sake, watch the couple," his wife says. "You already know how to play golf!"

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and left my wallet and credit cards in the cab. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

The New Malaysian Government Symbol



THE BARISAN NASIONAL'S GOVERNMENT'S NEW SYMBOL IS THAT OF A CONDOM,
because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance....

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!

A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.

The Problem was who should get custody of the child.

The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child
into the world with all
the pain and labor. The child Shoul d be in my custody. "

The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say
in your defense?"

The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose.

"Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a
Pepsi Comes out...
Whose Pepsi is it... The machine's or mine?"

LOOKING BACK and Moving Positively Forward.....----------Right

To all you OWLS
(Older Wiser Laughing Souls)

Wisdom from Grandpa......


Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.


Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earning' his salt that he forgets his sugar.



Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.


When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when
they try to decide which one.

If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.


On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.

A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the
washing', ironing', cooking' and scrubbing'. No wife of mine is gonna "work"."

Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.



Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their odometers.

Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
You know you are getting old, when everything either dries up or leaks.

Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.Have a GREAT day........and keep Laughing!
It's good for the soul .

And remember my motto:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, Diet Coke in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have a wonderful day!
And pay the undertaker with a bad check.

This is a nice thread. Had a good laugh.

Cufflinks said:

nice thread. Had a good laugh.

Click to expand...

We can all laugh louder, if you come share too:p

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.

yinyang said:

We can all laugh louder, if you come share too:p

Click to expand...

I did a search and would like to share a few too. Hope all of you like them.

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.



The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”



The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”



The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.



The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”