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Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'...

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the...

Wine or water ? To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine....and those that don't. As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water...

An architect, an artist and a mathematician were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress...

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a...

Mick and Paddy had promised their uncle Seamus, a seafaring gentleman all his life, to bury him at sea when he died. Of course, when he did pass away, the boys kept their promise. They set off with Uncle Seamus all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat. After a while Mick...

Two fleas Two fleas from Detroit had an agreement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. One flea gets to Miami and he's all blue, shivering and shaking, damn near frozen to death! The other flea asks him, "What the hell happened to you?" The first flea says, "I rode down here from...

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day; he comes across a bike with a 'For Sale' sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he...

Subject: A woman scanned the guests at a party A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man, standing alone. She approached him. 'My name is Carmen,' she told him. That's a beautiful name,' he replied, Is it a family name?' 'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to...

Martian style The year is 2999 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc...

RISQUÉ RIDDLES Q. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your...

Rubber Gloves A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. "Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked. "No, I don't," she replied. "Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Canada with a...

Guido, the Italian Lover A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired...

Wife is a HARIMAU ¡*¡*¡*¡*¡* GIRLFRIEND is HARI HARI MAHU And some say : Wife is like TV, girlfriend is like Handphone (HP) At home watch TV, go out bring HP. No money, sell TV. Got money change HP. Sometimes enjoy TV, but most of the time play with HP. TV free for life but HP, if you...

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is. The only...

Re: you are right Issit me or Mr goondusamy?

Leong's Points Development Fund has high returns/risk ratio. I'm saving up to invest in it. Hardly any downside to this one.

The girl made a more lasting impression than the beers.

Some say its me becuz of my surname Duhh