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11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter. 10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that 1 had to leave, otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very...

Survey 100,000 men were asked to complete a survey on what THEY liked best about getting "Oral Sex": a.. 3% liked the warmth. b.. 4% enjoyed the sensation. c.. 93% appreciated the silence.

Before the marriage: He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. She: Do you want me to leave? He: NO! Don't even think about it. She: Do you love me? He: Of course! She...

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN GOLF, ARE NOT: 10. Damn, my shaft is bent. 9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. 8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. 7. Look at the size of his putter. 6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more. 5. Mind if I join your...

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN THE OFFICE, ARE NOT: 10. I need to whip it out by 5. 9. Mind if I use your laptop? 8. Just stick it in my box. 7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag! 6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!! 5. HMMMMM, I think it's out of fluid! 4. My equipment is so...

TOP TEN THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT IN A LAW FIRM, ARE NOT: 10. Have you looked through her briefs? 9. He is one hard judge. 8. Counsellor, let's do it in chambers. 7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute. 6 Is it a penal offence? 5. Better leave the handcuffs on. 4. For $200 an...

A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her, "How about a blowjob?" "What! Are you crazy!" "Don't worry, it will be quick," he ensures his girlfriend. "No...

he outsourcing of business is getting out of hand ! I was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called the Suicide Help Hotline. I was put through to a 'call center' in Pakistan . I explained that I was feeling suicidal. They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I...

Deer Meat A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for...

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are...

A Polish immigrant went to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'Oh my Gosh! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,'...

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.

It was professor smith's first day at St. Johns medical college as a faculty. Known for his teaching excellence, he made his entry into a classroom of 1st year medical students, where he received a warm welcome from the students, followed by their intro. To start with, he planned to put forth...

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but...

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says. A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to...

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.' 'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?' 'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees. 'Really,' said Charles, 'Now...

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. 'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!' 'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'

Paddy was in New York . He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk...

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?' The man said, 'I do, Father.' The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.' Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?' 'Certainly...