More parents seek help about gay kids
MORE parents are seeking counselling to come to terms with their children's homosexual tendencies.
Psychologist Daniel Koh saw three such cases of parents last year, which is more than the number he saw two years ago.
He told The New Paper of a case involving parents who had brought their 18-year-old son for counselling last year because he was leaning towards homosexuality. The boy felt confused and stressed because he was not interested in girls, and was interested in images of men in magazines.
When their only son spoke about his frustrations to his parents, they took him to a psychologist.
The boy's father, who is in his 40s, insisted that homosexuality does not exist, and demanded that the boy be 'changed'.
The parents tried to get the boy to dress in sports jerseys, shorts and clothes with military motifs.
They also tried to get the boy to play football and adopt more masculine mannerisms.
Outside of sports, they discouraged him from hanging out with male friends, and tried to introduce him to girls.
These efforts, however, were strongly resented by the boy, who began avoiding the issue of his sexuality. At one point, he stopped talking to his parents altogether.
The psychologist tried to get the parents to understand the boy's position, and tried to open communication between the two parties.
Eventually, the parents backed off, and let the boy live his own life.
Mr Koh said: 'This case shows that being hard and forceful will only make matters worse. If parents push too hard, they'll just push their children away.'
Mrs Kam-Poh Ee-Lyn, a family life educator who has counselled young lesbians and their parents, says that when parents find out their children are gay or lesbian, they tend to go through psychological stages, like people who are grieving.
First, these parents may be in shock.
Then, they may deny their children's tendencies, rationalising to themselves that the latter are just going through a phase.
When they realise that such tendencies are a real issue, they might blame themselves for their children's sexuality, before coming to terms with the situation.
In any case, Mrs Kam warns that such conflicts may lead to more serious issues, like children running away from home.
She said more parents may be seeking counselling about their children's homosexuality because gay youth are becoming more upfront about their relationships.
Family therapist Juliana Toh, who is seeing more parents with gay children, also suggested that the increase may be due to the fact that more children are feeling confident about their relationship with their parents, so they are comfortable in disclosing their gender leanings.
She said: 'The most important thing is to help the parents see that they have not lost their son or daughter. He or she is still the same person.'
'And at the end of the day, all parents want their child to have a companion, to be loved and cared for, regardless of this companion's gender.'
MORE parents are seeking counselling to come to terms with their children's homosexual tendencies.
Psychologist Daniel Koh saw three such cases of parents last year, which is more than the number he saw two years ago.
He told The New Paper of a case involving parents who had brought their 18-year-old son for counselling last year because he was leaning towards homosexuality. The boy felt confused and stressed because he was not interested in girls, and was interested in images of men in magazines.
When their only son spoke about his frustrations to his parents, they took him to a psychologist.
The boy's father, who is in his 40s, insisted that homosexuality does not exist, and demanded that the boy be 'changed'.
The parents tried to get the boy to dress in sports jerseys, shorts and clothes with military motifs.
They also tried to get the boy to play football and adopt more masculine mannerisms.
Outside of sports, they discouraged him from hanging out with male friends, and tried to introduce him to girls.
These efforts, however, were strongly resented by the boy, who began avoiding the issue of his sexuality. At one point, he stopped talking to his parents altogether.
The psychologist tried to get the parents to understand the boy's position, and tried to open communication between the two parties.
Eventually, the parents backed off, and let the boy live his own life.
Mr Koh said: 'This case shows that being hard and forceful will only make matters worse. If parents push too hard, they'll just push their children away.'
Mrs Kam-Poh Ee-Lyn, a family life educator who has counselled young lesbians and their parents, says that when parents find out their children are gay or lesbian, they tend to go through psychological stages, like people who are grieving.
First, these parents may be in shock.
Then, they may deny their children's tendencies, rationalising to themselves that the latter are just going through a phase.
When they realise that such tendencies are a real issue, they might blame themselves for their children's sexuality, before coming to terms with the situation.
In any case, Mrs Kam warns that such conflicts may lead to more serious issues, like children running away from home.
She said more parents may be seeking counselling about their children's homosexuality because gay youth are becoming more upfront about their relationships.
Family therapist Juliana Toh, who is seeing more parents with gay children, also suggested that the increase may be due to the fact that more children are feeling confident about their relationship with their parents, so they are comfortable in disclosing their gender leanings.
She said: 'The most important thing is to help the parents see that they have not lost their son or daughter. He or she is still the same person.'
'And at the end of the day, all parents want their child to have a companion, to be loved and cared for, regardless of this companion's gender.'
