Young and pregnant: Two abortions by the age of 16
Ms Michelle Lim with her three-year-old son. The 23-year-old, who runs her own logistics business, does not feel that laws stipulating a minimum age for abortion or parental consent will help teenage mums like herself. She says she would not have had her two abortions when she was a teen if she had "not felt all alone back then".ST PHOTO: ARIFFIN JAMAR
PUBLISHED
11 HOURS AGO
FACEBOOKTWITTER
Now 23 and a mum, she talks about the need to raise awareness of support avenues
Janice Tai
Social Affairs Correspondent
By age 16, Ms Michelle Lim had already had two abortions.
The first foetus was sucked out of her while she was unconscious. She was 15 and three months pregnant.
A year later, she had another abortion. She was five months along and underwent induced labour to expel the foetus .
"The baby was small and translucent... He was wrapped up and placed in a dustbin next to me," said Ms Lim matter-of-factly.
She is now 23.
Both times, Ms Lim did not inform her parents of her pregnancies and subsequent abortions. She was estranged from them and felt her parents favoured her brothers over her. She moved out to live variously with her grandmother, friends and boyfriend during her secondary school days.
I would have kept all of my babies if I had not felt all alone back then.
Ms Lim started having sex with her then-boyfriend when she was in Secondary Three.
They did not use protection as they were underage and did not dare to buy condoms. They also did not try to find out about other forms of contraception.
She searched online for ways to end the life of her unborn child without having to go for surgery, but taking illegal pills would have side effects and risks. So she went looking for a clinic that did not require girls seeking an abortion to get the consent of their parents.
"I was scared. I did not know how to face them," said Ms Lim.
Under Singapore law, there is no need for parental consent when seeking an abortion, regardless of age. Still, many doctors told her they would not carry out the abortion if a parent was not there. Eventually, she found one who agreed to do it without her parents knowing.
However, she had to go for counselling at the Health Promotion Board (HPB). "The counsellor reminded me to make my own decisions and not be unduly influenced by others," said Ms Lim. She pleaded with her boyfriend to keep the baby. He said no.
13-year-old youngest to have an abortion: MOH[/paste:font]
"I worried that I would have regrets after the surgery but he treated me very nicely after the abortion so I felt reassured that I had made the right decision," said Ms Lim. But she did not go for her post-abortion counselling session with HPB, afraid that the counsellor would say something that would cause her to feel guilty again.
A year later, with the same boyfriend, she was pregnant again. This time, she hid the fact from him. But three months into her pregnancy, he found out that she had missed her periods. He again tried to get her to abort the foetus.
She resisted at first, and went online to see if there were other options. "I couldn't find many resources for pregnant young mothers, whether financial or emotional... or if it's just a place to stay," said Ms Lim, who did not consider seeking help from her parents.
Two months later, she quit junior college and went to work in a childcare centre to raise money for an abortion, which cost at least $3,000. She did not cry after the second abortion, having steeled herself to the prospect. She went back to work the next day.
Still, anger towards her boyfriend grew. She broke up with him a month later.
Four years later, Ms Lim was with another boyfriend and became pregnant again. But history repeated itself and the boyfriend threatened to cut off all ties with her if she did not go for an abortion.
"I went online again and this time I met a single mother through a forum who told me about Dayspring and Babes that offers pregnancy crisis support," said Ms Lim.
She dumped the boyfriend and went ahead with the pregnancy.
She moved into a shelter run by Dayspring. Its volunteers were by her side during the delivery.
Today, she and her son, who is turning three, live in a one-room rental flat in Yishun.
Ms Lim, who runs her own logistics business, does not feel that laws stipulating a minimum age for abortion or parental consent will help teenage mums like herself.
Finding hope and healing after an abortion[/paste:font]
Related Story
Racked by shame and guilt after abortion, she now hopes to help others with new support group
Number of abortions declines as contraception use, support for single mothers increase[/paste:font]
Help those with abortion guilt[/paste:font]
"If you were to force me to get my parents' consent before I can have an abortion, I would have done it by buying pills online instead," said Ms Lim.
Another obstacle was that her parents viewed her as a disgrace because she was unmarried and pregnant, she added.
Ms Lim felt that if parents are the ones deciding that the daughter should keep the baby, the child is "likely to grow up in neglect and without parental love because the mother did not take ownership of the decision herself".
What would be helpful, said Ms Lim, is raising awareness of the support avenues available.
"It is not so much about the programmes, but knowing that there are people genuinely there for you whom you can talk to," she said. "I would have kept all of my babies if I had not felt all alone back then."
PARENTAL CONSENT NOT ALWAYS NEEDED
Laws on parental involvement in minors' abortions here and elsewhere:
SINGAPORE
Parental consent for abortion is not required. All pregnant women seeking abortion are required to undergo pre-abortion counselling provided by a trained counsellor. In addition, unmarried minors below 16 have to undergo mandatory pre-abortion counselling at the Health Promotion Board Counselling Centre.
UNITED STATES
The majority of the states require parental involvement in a minor's decision to have an abortion. Most of these states need the consent or notification of only one parent, usually 24 or 48 hours before the procedure, but a handful require the involvement of both parents.
FRANCE
A pregnant girl under 16 may ask for an abortion without consulting her parents. But she has to be accompanied by an adult of her choice.
ITALY
Parental authorisation is required if the woman is under 18.
HONG KONG
For women who are under 18, consent from a parent or guardian is required.
TAIWAN
An unmarried pregnant woman under 20 must seek the permission of her parents for abortion.
A version of this article appeared in the print edition of The Sunday Times on March 18, 2018, with the headline 'Two abortions by the age of 16'. Print Edition | Subscribe
Ms Michelle Lim with her three-year-old son. The 23-year-old, who runs her own logistics business, does not feel that laws stipulating a minimum age for abortion or parental consent will help teenage mums like herself. She says she would not have had her two abortions when she was a teen if she had "not felt all alone back then".ST PHOTO: ARIFFIN JAMAR
PUBLISHED
11 HOURS AGO
FACEBOOKTWITTER
Now 23 and a mum, she talks about the need to raise awareness of support avenues
Janice Tai
Social Affairs Correspondent
By age 16, Ms Michelle Lim had already had two abortions.
The first foetus was sucked out of her while she was unconscious. She was 15 and three months pregnant.
A year later, she had another abortion. She was five months along and underwent induced labour to expel the foetus .
"The baby was small and translucent... He was wrapped up and placed in a dustbin next to me," said Ms Lim matter-of-factly.
She is now 23.
Both times, Ms Lim did not inform her parents of her pregnancies and subsequent abortions. She was estranged from them and felt her parents favoured her brothers over her. She moved out to live variously with her grandmother, friends and boyfriend during her secondary school days.
I would have kept all of my babies if I had not felt all alone back then.
Ms Lim started having sex with her then-boyfriend when she was in Secondary Three.
They did not use protection as they were underage and did not dare to buy condoms. They also did not try to find out about other forms of contraception.
- Get help
- Babes Pregnancy Crisis Support (24 hours): 1800-833-6666 8111-3535 (SMS)
*Pregnancy Crisis Service (24 hours): 6339-9770
*Mum-to-be helpline by Thye Hua Kwan Moral Society (24 hours): 1800-686-8623
*Singapore Planned Parenthood Association counselling hotline: 1800-775-8582
She searched online for ways to end the life of her unborn child without having to go for surgery, but taking illegal pills would have side effects and risks. So she went looking for a clinic that did not require girls seeking an abortion to get the consent of their parents.
"I was scared. I did not know how to face them," said Ms Lim.
Under Singapore law, there is no need for parental consent when seeking an abortion, regardless of age. Still, many doctors told her they would not carry out the abortion if a parent was not there. Eventually, she found one who agreed to do it without her parents knowing.
However, she had to go for counselling at the Health Promotion Board (HPB). "The counsellor reminded me to make my own decisions and not be unduly influenced by others," said Ms Lim. She pleaded with her boyfriend to keep the baby. He said no.
13-year-old youngest to have an abortion: MOH[/paste:font]
"I worried that I would have regrets after the surgery but he treated me very nicely after the abortion so I felt reassured that I had made the right decision," said Ms Lim. But she did not go for her post-abortion counselling session with HPB, afraid that the counsellor would say something that would cause her to feel guilty again.
A year later, with the same boyfriend, she was pregnant again. This time, she hid the fact from him. But three months into her pregnancy, he found out that she had missed her periods. He again tried to get her to abort the foetus.
She resisted at first, and went online to see if there were other options. "I couldn't find many resources for pregnant young mothers, whether financial or emotional... or if it's just a place to stay," said Ms Lim, who did not consider seeking help from her parents.
Two months later, she quit junior college and went to work in a childcare centre to raise money for an abortion, which cost at least $3,000. She did not cry after the second abortion, having steeled herself to the prospect. She went back to work the next day.
Still, anger towards her boyfriend grew. She broke up with him a month later.
Four years later, Ms Lim was with another boyfriend and became pregnant again. But history repeated itself and the boyfriend threatened to cut off all ties with her if she did not go for an abortion.
"I went online again and this time I met a single mother through a forum who told me about Dayspring and Babes that offers pregnancy crisis support," said Ms Lim.
She dumped the boyfriend and went ahead with the pregnancy.
She moved into a shelter run by Dayspring. Its volunteers were by her side during the delivery.
Today, she and her son, who is turning three, live in a one-room rental flat in Yishun.
Ms Lim, who runs her own logistics business, does not feel that laws stipulating a minimum age for abortion or parental consent will help teenage mums like herself.
Finding hope and healing after an abortion[/paste:font]
Related Story
Racked by shame and guilt after abortion, she now hopes to help others with new support group
Number of abortions declines as contraception use, support for single mothers increase[/paste:font]
Help those with abortion guilt[/paste:font]
"If you were to force me to get my parents' consent before I can have an abortion, I would have done it by buying pills online instead," said Ms Lim.
Another obstacle was that her parents viewed her as a disgrace because she was unmarried and pregnant, she added.
Ms Lim felt that if parents are the ones deciding that the daughter should keep the baby, the child is "likely to grow up in neglect and without parental love because the mother did not take ownership of the decision herself".
What would be helpful, said Ms Lim, is raising awareness of the support avenues available.
"It is not so much about the programmes, but knowing that there are people genuinely there for you whom you can talk to," she said. "I would have kept all of my babies if I had not felt all alone back then."
PARENTAL CONSENT NOT ALWAYS NEEDED
Laws on parental involvement in minors' abortions here and elsewhere:
SINGAPORE
Parental consent for abortion is not required. All pregnant women seeking abortion are required to undergo pre-abortion counselling provided by a trained counsellor. In addition, unmarried minors below 16 have to undergo mandatory pre-abortion counselling at the Health Promotion Board Counselling Centre.
UNITED STATES
The majority of the states require parental involvement in a minor's decision to have an abortion. Most of these states need the consent or notification of only one parent, usually 24 or 48 hours before the procedure, but a handful require the involvement of both parents.
FRANCE
A pregnant girl under 16 may ask for an abortion without consulting her parents. But she has to be accompanied by an adult of her choice.
ITALY
Parental authorisation is required if the woman is under 18.
HONG KONG
For women who are under 18, consent from a parent or guardian is required.
TAIWAN
An unmarried pregnant woman under 20 must seek the permission of her parents for abortion.
A version of this article appeared in the print edition of The Sunday Times on March 18, 2018, with the headline 'Two abortions by the age of 16'. Print Edition | Subscribe
