I started going for the Open Mike forum and remembered -- hey we have a brand new forum for this kind of thread.
I need to express my gratitude for this site, this community, this family thats become such a wonderful part of my life in the last two years. Ive been alone a lot the last week, had a lot of time to think, look back and begin to appreciate how Sober Musicians has enriched my life.
Id like to mention members by name, but I dont want to leave anyone out, and to thank everyone individually, well, Dan might have to give me my very own forum. There are the always-here members I look forward to seeing every day, and there are the folks who drop in here & there and are always a welcome surprise. What is shared here, from the cerebral to the mundane, from the joyous to the tragic, from the spiritual to the earthy, amazes me, as its all taken in and turned over and thought about and responded to in a spirit of incredible respect, love and tolerance.
Ive been able to share some things here, in public forums that anyone can access, and yet Ive never felt vulnerable, no matter how pained Ive been or exposed Ive felt. I know, though it hasnt been necessary, that I have a whole pack of brothers & sisters who would not allow anything to happen to me, and thats a safety I dont know if Ive ever felt anywhere outside of my own immediate face to face, chosen circle.
You know, I want to share something that almost sounds like an admission, but its not something Ive ever tried to hide. Ive never stopped posting on another forum because, for all the controversy surrounding it, Ive considered it a 12th step responsibility to reach out to the newcomer and the still sick & suffering, and, well, theyre more abundant there. Ive been offered opportunities to increase my status, and Ive always turned them down. Thats not why I go there. Gee, I feel Im justifying my presence there, and I know thats not necessary here. Anyway, I noticed, in looking through all my old posts on that board that my presence there is very different than my presence here. There, I dont start threads. I respond to others, share my E, S & H, and for the most part, keep others at an arms length. My inbox there is typically empty. I dont get involved personally, just share what I have to share and move on. Ive followed the journeys of a few members, but rarely getting to know them or letting them get to know me. It sounds cold, but I dont feel like that when Im there. Its just a different role in my life. I almost said role I play but I dont see it as playing.
Anyway, what I do there is closely tied to what I do here. Im seeing that & appreciating that. I cannot see a continued participation without having the home base I have here. I cant imagine giving what I have to give there without being fed, as I am, here. I step back from that statement, and it almost sounds like there I give, here I take. Thats not what I mean. Oh, I pray, I hope I give here as well Its just that Im not afraid to accept here -- or there, either, though I dont have to receive, dont have to expose myself to some....shall I say less healthy input there? My trust levels are much, much higher here. Theyre a none issue there.
I just needed to get this all out. I appreciate all of you, family thats been here since the beginning and new members who are assimilating into our family. I appreciate you, I love you, and you are all counted among my many, many blessings each and every day.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
