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"I can only trust you. Will you help me be a mother?"

jw5

Moderator
Moderator
Loyal
No strings attached, she doesn't want you to be the kid's father, simply just your help to make her pregnant. What will you do? Any advise?

Good question bro, always enjoy this type of "hypothetical" scenarios. :biggrin:

I wouldn't do it.
Firstly, because even if she can continue the friendship and raise the child herself etc, I might find it difficult to accept the situation. You can pretend things will not change but trust me, they will.

Secondly and more importantly, there is much more to bringing a child into this world than in the man providing the sperm and the woman the egg and uterus. Babies don't ask to be born. So if a couple wants to have children, they had better do all the thinking and preparation because the obligation andf responsibility should be entirely theirs. It's sad that many parents don't realise that.
 

virtualchick

Alfrescian
Loyal
Since you have known her for a very long time, putting all moral arguments and 'what if things go wrong' aside,

Let's say you help her have a child. She brings up the child as her own. However the child is sure at some point to ask questions. Who is my father. How will she reply?

Your being a friend means that you will still be involved in her life, even after the child is born. Being human, and child being yours, you will play a father role in your child's life, unless you have no human emotions whatsoever and don't care about the woman or the child, which will likely not be the case.

You are married and have a wife. You obviously cannot tell your wife and you have to be prepared for the consequences if your wife finds out. At the very least it is an affair, even if one time only and a betrayal which your wife will have to deal with if at some point it becomes known. Divorce is possible, depends on your wife's character.

I can understand the woman being desperate and lonely to have a child that she asks someone to help her. If she gets from a sperm bank, she is on her own and it is difficult for a single parent to raise a child, financially, emotionally. If you become the sperm donor, she knows you, your character, and you will be involved one way or another in helping her with her child, even if not financially, then as a very special uncle who often comes to see her and his son. Unless she intends to break all contact with you after she conceives which I think is highly unlikely unless it changes the relationship between you both or your wife finds out and issues an ultimatum. Bear in mind your wife will be heartbroken if she finds out and may do something drastic, just like the guy who got an organ donation from his wife's lover.

I don't have a yes or no answer, if I have a close male friend I may ask him myself but a married guy has a lot to consider and risk. I believe guys too have affairs on the side if their wives cannot conceive. It depends on the people and their moral decision.

Hard to say no, yes? Especially to a trusted old friend. But what she is asking of you is a lot and while your heart may break if you say no, I think she will understand and expect it (60%) if you say no, especially since you are married. Sometimes women just ask because the loneliness is much hard to bear and in a moment of decision they just give it a try. But if you do go ahead, be prepared to play a part in your child's life and be prepared for all the complications that may arise above.
 

Khun Ying Pojaman

Alfrescian
Loyal
Laksaboy thanks for the insight and suggestions.

Having known her since her teenage years I stll believe her request is born out of honesty and purity with no evilness. However you all had pointed out that it is also laced with legal and moral obligations. For these sit had become a difficult decision to make, one never turn down a genuine friend. Sigh

Bro, honesty and purity are big words to describe a person. You're a married man after all, and I wouldn't dare to use words like "honesty and purity" to describe her indecent proposal.

You can trust her because you have known her since teenage days. But the dynamics are very different once another life comes into the picture. Your trust in her is simply an assumption, and a very bold one without regard to the shifting dynamics.

Maybe it's time to reflect on yourself and your needs. Your parental instinct, despite your decision in your earlier days not have babies, may be tickling you.

Perhaps, the manner in which the proposal is phrased - a favour - goes a long way in negating the guilty conscience. You want to think that you're doing it because you're really helping someone. The notion of helping a friend has a funny way of legitimizing the transaction.

The one thing that really clouds your judgment could turn out to be the emotional satisfaction of knowing a woman you like wants to conceive a baby for you. If you ask any woman, that is the ultimate act of love. A woman is prepared to go through a lifelong process to clone your image and likeness. It's the ultimate mark of approval of your character and worth.
 

fishbuff

Alfrescian
Loyal
Say you have a lady friend, I mean just a close friend not sexual. She's beautiful, single and independent. You are married, ok doesn't matter if you're married or not but you two spend lots of time together like going for meals and talking in the phone. She is now in her later 30s. One day she comes to you to seek your help, she told you because you're the only one she trust she'll like you to help her be a mother. No strings attached, she doesn't want you to be the kid's father, simply just your help to make her pregnant. What will you do? Any advise?

excuse me but what makes that lady think that you have the best genes? do you have high IQ? tall? good looking? strong?

if you have none of the above and she still want you to fertilize her eggs, then it will be best to spell everything out in writing. No penetration, just stick a funnel into her vagina and you can masturbate for your semen to ejaculate and into the funnel. Viola! no-sexual contact fertilization.
 

groober2011

Alfrescian
Loyal
On a final note and this is one that crosses my mind while reading this thread. Since you have open your hearts to all and Sundry and to some members here who knows you personally and met you.

Is it wise after this chat to go ahead as your lady friend wanted? You open yourself to future blackmail if your wife is not a party to this. You trust the lady friend, can you trust your other friends who knows? I am not saying everyone here cannot be trusted but there is this possibility.
 

Froggy

Alfrescian (InfP) + Mod
Moderator
Generous Asset
Who says kind souls are a thing of the past? I've read through every single one of your posts and for some read through more than once and all I can see are kind souls reaching out to me from possible abyss and eternal damnation. Sorry for sounding so corny but it's the truth.

The decision is so clear that I should stay clear and this will be my decision. Some of the things you guys said here that touched my heart are I should not be playing with a new life as its not fair to the kid to be brought up in a single parent family. Yes he did not asked to be born this way. I'm very surprised that some of you know me so well even though we've not met that I have a soft spot in my life and you guys are right, I asked myself honestly if I can bohchap the kid after birth I have to admit I will cheong to bother with his/her every part of the life. Lastly if I really treasure this friendship I should not do it.

I really love you guys here. Wish to meet all of you one day for a beer sparring session, would surely leave great memories.
 

Froggy

Alfrescian (InfP) + Mod
Moderator
Generous Asset
On a final note and this is one that crosses my mind while reading this thread. Since you have open your hearts to all and Sundry and to some members here who knows you personally and met you.

Is it wise after this chat to go ahead as your lady friend wanted? You open yourself to future blackmail if your wife is not a party to this. You trust the lady friend, can you trust your other friends who knows? I am not saying everyone here cannot be trusted but there is this possibility.

Roger that groober. Good point.
 

po2wq

Alfrescian (Inf)
Asset
... But if you do go ahead, be prepared to play a part in your child's life and be prepared for all the complications that may arise above.
ya, man ...

n wen complications cum, dey can b dam really complicated 1, hor! ...

imajin 18 yrs later, ur ah boy or ah gal bring home his/her galfren/boyfren 4 u 2 c ... u can faint on ze spot 1, u noe ...

dun tink dat oni o cantonese-language-disabled-movies got tis, hor! ... a twist of fact can b stranger dan fiction 1, hor! ...
 
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zhihau

Super Moderator
SuperMod
Asset
I really love you guys here. Wish to meet all of you one day for a beer sparring session, would surely leave great memories.

boss Sam will advise you not to mix real life with your online persona... gee... can you imagine that coming from me? :eek::eek::eek:
 

Froggy

Alfrescian (InfP) + Mod
Moderator
Generous Asset
boss Sam will advise you not to mix real life with your online persona... gee... can you imagine that coming from me? :eek::eek::eek:

Cool, I understand. I also like everyone to know people here have a heart.
 

Perspective

Alfrescian
Loyal
From a strictly moral standpoint, agree.

Another scenario I've heard before is: A girl approaches her (rich) male friend and claims she is willing to lose virginity to him in exchange for financial help.

Yes, from a moral standpoint.

Same goes to your scenario. If I am rich and I am close to this girl and trust her, I would lend her the money, or tell her I cannot help and advise her not do things she will regret. But again this is "talk big" admittedly. I have not been in such a situation, am far from rich and would not know what I would really do in such events.
 

kulgai

Alfrescian
Loyal
Hey buddies, please can or not don't assume this person is me lah. Lets assume if this person is you then what will your reaction and decision be. I like to know for reference la.
But then assume the lady is very serious on wanting to have a kid only. And I said before she need to know the character of the man who fathered her child.
.

This was exactly what happened to me. A casual married fren of mine suggested I helped her conceive cos her husband had low sperm count otherwise she wld hv to undergo IVF. I had to reject. Can't imagine my kid being raised in another family. It's just not right and besides, there maybe complications later on like what some here have already mentioned.
 

Froggy

Alfrescian (InfP) + Mod
Moderator
Generous Asset
Dinner with her now guys. In Bacco Italian restaurant.
 

eErotica69

Alfrescian (InfP)
Generous Asset
Say you have a lady friend...................................... will you do? Any advise?

It should be "advice" and not "advise".

Advice is a noun and advise is a verb. In this instance, we should use a noun instead of a verb!

Advice (noun) - suggestion or recommendation.
Advise (verb) - to suggest.

 
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