I have not had sex with my wife for 6 years
IT was love at first sight and we've been married for over 30 years. We are blessed with four grown-up children who are all working. We also have three grandchildren. Unfortunately, all these seem not to add to our happiness.
Since my retirement, my wife has become overly suspicious. She accuses me of having several affairs and abuses me emotionally and physically.
I've tried telling her that it's all her imagination. I've explained that I have always been truthful and sincere, and sworn in the name of God that I'm innocent. But she doesn't listen and repeatedly calls me a liar.
It has been over six years since we were last intimate. She never allowed me to touch her all these years. Although we sleep in the same room, we are miles apart.
I don't want to make matters worse by sleeping in separate rooms. I'm hoping that time will solve this predicament and everything will become normal again.
But my patience is running out and I'm not getting any younger. How do I make her understand my innocence?
We're like two strangers in the same house. Every time we start to have a conversation, we end up quarrelling and won't talk for days. She never admits that she is wrong and often lives in the past.
I have asked her for evidence of my affairs; so far she hasn't provided any. I even asked her to call up my friends to check on my character. She won't do so, but says I'm a crook and am cunning enough to erase all evidence.
She breathes down my neck all the time. When we are out she always keeps me in her sight. She never trusts me to be alone. Apparently, I'm under house arrest.
I don't have access to the phone as she keeps it with her all the time. If I need to make a call, she would dial the number and wait for me to finish the conversation.
But she communicates with anyone and everyone.
She says she is of perfect character. There's nothing wrong with her looks. She outshines me and others of her age with her beauty.
Outside she appears charming, but when it comes to matters concerning me, she becomes alarming. Her good character and high morals are unquestionable. However, her suspicious nature has jeopardised my life. At times I think of suicide. Currently, I'm thinking seriously of separation.
I'm not perfect. I made some bad financial decisions while working and lost a lot of money. However, she was calm then and went through thick and thin with me. She never showed signs of hatred towards me during those bad times. Why now? These days she hates me like hell. But I'm certainly not a womaniser. I'm also not a woman basher, nor do I want to confront her head-on.
Only her family and my children know about this. They tried to help by talking to her, but she is adamant that I'm a dirty old man. She gets agitated every time they attempt to convince her otherwise.
To the outside world, we seem to be a nice, normal couple. We never gossip about our private lives with third parties, but I don't know how long this is going to last.
The grief and pain I'm undergoing is difficult to explain. I need solutions before the situation results in separation or suicide.
IF you have done nothing to stir up your wife's suspicions and jealousy, what could have caused such behaviour from her? She must love you very much to be so possessive and watchful. But she refuses to be touched, or to share the joy and happiness that both of you so deserve in your golden years together.
Yes, you have every right to feel wrongly accused and abused emotionally. However, instead of thinking suicide or separation, or wallowing in grief and anger, perhaps you should consider that your wife needs help.
A normal person does not change drastically. Although she appears the same, her behavioural patterns have definitely become extreme.
Discuss this with your children and do not give up on your wife so easily. Consider medical counselling to establish the root cause of her suspicions and the change in her nature.
You mentioned that she had always been calm and supportive, taking the good and bad with grace and dignity. So what has turned her into a paranoid, unreasonable woman who cannot bear to be touched by her husband?
Record down the changes over the last six years and try to remember if there were certain things that you did that triggered her paranoia and agitation. What had provoked her emotional insecurities and distrust towards you?
She loves you but she continues to suspect that you have many lovers, many affairs. It is a sickness if you are there by her side every day, giving her no basis for such thoughts.
Try love therapy even if she rebuffs your efforts. Take her for holidays, a movie or just a meal together. Be with her at all times and offer to let her answer your phone when it rings.
Show her in many ways that she has nothing to fear or worry about. Allay her suspicions by showing her that you can be trusted because you love her more than anyone in the world.
If you still love your wife, help her to save your marriage. After 30 years together, you deserve to share the last good years happily ever after.
n. 1. (Mach.) The rounded or pointed top of a grinding mill spindle, forming a pivot on which the stone is balanced.