Far too often, people and society as a whole view personal relationships between individuals very narrowly and simplistically. They rush to put labels on individuals, compartmentalize them according to what they think is happening, and judge them according to their own limited belief systems. The end result is that individuals are grossly misunderstood, legitimate grievances fail to get a fair hearing, the bully becomes exalted into a martyr, miscarriages of justice occur, and ultimately, valuable lessons that society could have taken away fail to be understood.
When two spouses quarrel, people think their marriage is on the rocks.
When two people separate, people think they are no longer in love.
When the child disobeys the parent, people think the child is unfilial.
People seldom probe deeper into the underlying issues why people behave the way they do. They take sides without thinking, without looking past immediate appearances. They think the one who raises his voice must be irrational. They think the cheating spouse must be in the wrong. They only see the "what" and fail to understand the "why". They don't see that the one who raises his voice may be acting rationally because the other party has deliberately pushed him into a corner and left him nowhere to turn. They don't see that the cheating spouse may be acting out deep seated insecurities and negative beliefs held by the other party. They don't see that the child who disobeys may be doing so out of love, not out of spite.
When children are pushed into a corner by their parents, it is natural for them to push back. But give them freedom, and they will naturally respond in a way that their parents might more readily approve. In other words, force your will onto them, and they will rebel against the chains you place on them. But give them the freedom to think and act, and they will come to terms with the situation and choose the course that you intend for them.
Parents love their kids and want the best for them, but they don't realize that some of their actions negate that love and destroy their best intentions. They don't realize that it is the height of absurdity to claim you love someone, yet deny him the freedom to think, act, and choose his own destiny.
When other people look in at the situation, many will jump to the conclusion that the child is unfilial, and the parent righteous. So narrow, so flimsy, so simplistic. And totally missing the point altogether.
When two spouses quarrel, people think their marriage is on the rocks.
When two people separate, people think they are no longer in love.
When the child disobeys the parent, people think the child is unfilial.
People seldom probe deeper into the underlying issues why people behave the way they do. They take sides without thinking, without looking past immediate appearances. They think the one who raises his voice must be irrational. They think the cheating spouse must be in the wrong. They only see the "what" and fail to understand the "why". They don't see that the one who raises his voice may be acting rationally because the other party has deliberately pushed him into a corner and left him nowhere to turn. They don't see that the cheating spouse may be acting out deep seated insecurities and negative beliefs held by the other party. They don't see that the child who disobeys may be doing so out of love, not out of spite.
When children are pushed into a corner by their parents, it is natural for them to push back. But give them freedom, and they will naturally respond in a way that their parents might more readily approve. In other words, force your will onto them, and they will rebel against the chains you place on them. But give them the freedom to think and act, and they will come to terms with the situation and choose the course that you intend for them.
Parents love their kids and want the best for them, but they don't realize that some of their actions negate that love and destroy their best intentions. They don't realize that it is the height of absurdity to claim you love someone, yet deny him the freedom to think, act, and choose his own destiny.
When other people look in at the situation, many will jump to the conclusion that the child is unfilial, and the parent righteous. So narrow, so flimsy, so simplistic. And totally missing the point altogether.
