My parents are first generation immigrants. I have a younger brother and younger sister. In my family I was always the rebellious one; I would often challenge my parents. My family was very strict, when it came to dating and my siblings usually fell in line. However, I would challenge that norm.
My brother and sister were very repressed with their sexualities as a result, while I lost my virginity at 17 to my then boyfriend. While my brother and followed the traditional Indian path. My brother ended up not having any sexual contact with a girl until he got married at 25 (arranged marriage) and now they have a child together. My sister (too never kissed a boy) has recently gotten married too at 24 with an Indian boy she met at our Temple (both parents approved).
I live in LA, a city where both men and woman tend to marry a bit later in life, and yet I still spent the last years of my 20‘s feeling that somehow, I’d messed up. I had followed the wrong trail and thus, my “important-life-moments” timeline was off. Even with my more progressive friends it began slowly at first, when I was 27 ... an engagement post on Facebook, an invite to a wedding—it was happening. People I knew were beginning the next stage of life and saying “I do.”
Throughout my whole life I never really dated any Indian guys; I exclusively dated white guys. However now I realize more than ever that the guys I dated never really took me seriously. They never really viewed me as someone they would eventually marry. I was always just some exotic fun. This part was definitely a realization that has hurt me to the core. I didn't actually do it to spite Indian men or anything like that. I did what a lot of my white female friends did; I thought I was the same as them, but that could be farther from the truth. Most white guys I ran into wanted white wives.
I am now 32, and seems like everyone in my family has lapped me. I too want a family a marriage. However, now my chance of finding someone is gone. At my age getting an arranged marriage or finding another Indian man to marry me is out of the question. Majority of Indian guys usually get married pretty early. Often either to another Indian girl they meet here, or they go back to India for an arranged marriage. My parents have tried signing me up for a matrimony site, but of the guys I’d meet they would be turned off by my history (drink/eat meat/not a virgin).
I don’t know what to do, every family function we have I feel like I am an outcast. Everyone is completely happy with their family. Being a single woman in her 30’s I am always met with suspicion. My brother and sister are also happy with their families and children and look down on me. Although, my parents have been supportive of me, it feels like they look at my brother and sister and are like, "this is what happens when you become whitewashed (embracing Western Culture) alone and unhappy."
I don’t know what to do, it seems like the dating pool dries up rather quickly. No guys really see me as anyone they want a future with. The few progressive Indian guys I met that I really felt like I had a future with ended up leaving me for a younger virgin bride from India. One of my exboyfriends (Indian) told me "You are great and all, but I can get a much better looking girl if I go to India, and one that will also cook for me."
If any of you guys. have any advice for me please share with me. I feel so alone right now. My friends are all married, my family looks at me as an outcast. I don't have any culture because I am not "actually white" and I am not Indian because I am "white washed."
I just wanted to make things clear I didn't "sleep around." Most of my relationships have been long term I have only been with 18 guys and I have been sexually active since I was 17 years old. When it comes to having a relationship I would like to marry an Indian guy, mainly because there are a lot of parts to my culture that I hold dear and don't want to give up. I love Indian food, love the prayers the ceremonies, the weddings, the closeness of family. But I don't think that's feasible.
black is black.....
