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I_Hate_Pappies

Alfrescian (Inf)
Asset
The Plug
==========

My better half and I were sitting in the living room and I said
to her,

"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state,
dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.

If that ever happens, just pull the plug."


So, she got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer.

This is funny.:biggrin:
 

fishbuff

Alfrescian
Loyal
zombies in the bible.

Matthew 27:51-53

Jesus Was A Zombie“And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent; And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose, and came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.”

Zechariah 14:12

“Now this will be the plague with which the LORD will strike all the peoples who have gone to war against Jerusalem; their flesh will rot while they stand on their feet, and their eyes will rot in their sockets, and their tongues will rot in their mouth. On that day a large-scale panic from the LORD will spread among them. One person will grab the hand of another, and one will attack the other.”
 

fishbuff

Alfrescian
Loyal
God Kills 70,000 Men Over a Census



(God punishes David for ordering a census of his people.) Yahweh spoke to Gad, David's seer, saying, Go and speak to David, saying, Thus says Yahweh, I offer you three things: choose you one of them, that I may do it to you. So Gad came to David, and said to him, Thus says Yahweh, Take which you will: either three years of famine; or three months to be consumed before your foes, while the sword of your enemies overtakes you; or else three days the sword of Yahweh, even pestilence in the land, and the angel of Yahweh destroying throughout all the borders of Israel. Now therefore consider what answer I shall return to him who sent me. David said to Gad, I am in a great strait: let me fall, I pray, into the hand of Yahweh; for very great are his mercies: and let me not fall into the hand of man. So Yahweh sent a pestilence on Israel; and there fell of Israel seventy thousand men. (1 Chronicles 21:9-14 WEB)
 

beensetfree

Alfrescian (InfP)
Generous Asset
The Most Powerful Book in America


They lie on the table side by side
The Holy Bible and the TV guide.
One is well worn and cherished with pride.
Not the Bible, but the TV guide.

One is used daily to help folks decide.
No, not the Bible, but the TV guide.
As the pages are turned, what shall they see.
Oh, what does it matter, turn on the TV.

Then confusion reigns, they can't all agree
On what they should watch on the old TV.
So they open the book in which they confide,
No, not the Bible, but the TV guide.

The Word of God is seldom read,
Maybe a verse as they fall into bed.
Exhausted and sleepy and tired as can be;
Not from reading the Bible, from watching TV.

So then back to the table side by side,
Lie the Holy Bible and the TV guide.
No time for prayer, no time for the Word,
The plan of Salvation is seldom heard.

But forgiveness of sin, so full and free,
Is found in the Bible, not on TV.
Choose which book will rule your family.


author unknown
 

beensetfree

Alfrescian (InfP)
Generous Asset
Hymn # 365


A southern Baptist minister was completing a
temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had
all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river."

Sermon complete, he sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song,
let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River."
 

fishbuff

Alfrescian
Loyal
they should change from ...

Genesis 1:3
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.


to this...

Genesis 1:3
Once upon a time, God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
 
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septuagint

Alfrescian (InfP)
Generous Asset
A Short Trip To Hell
=====================

I read this morning the story of the woman who wrote "Jerry not
Jim," and it brought back many memories for me.

I too, began a journey which now I can describe as a short trip
to hell. It was about 10 years ago. My husband is a pastor.
He's always been there for everyone's needs...with the exception
of mine. I was doing all the raising of our daughter, and he
was away like Superman saving the world. I was lonely. I was
self-centered and was working full-time at a university where
there are a lot of intelligent people (and predators).

It began innocently (as all of Satan's lies are). My boss was
lonely, and his wife was handicapped. I was in counseling
attempting to put pieces of a broken childhood together --
2 alcoholic parents, 1 of which was violent.

It quickly became sensual, overwhelming, physical, mentally
orgasmic, and I was hooked...or so I thought. Thankfully the
Lord doesn't let go of His own or toss us aside when we do the
same to Him. It lasted a year. When it was over I couldn't
believe I'd thought this relationship anything other than the
ugly desecration it was. I couldn't believe what I'd done. I
didn't even know who I'd become. But I began a longer journey
back to God AND my husband. It took me 3 years to confess to
him what I'm certain he already suspected. It's taken me
another 7 to become whole again, or rather broken but glued
back together.

As a ministry wife, I have used my circumstances on several
occasions as an encouragement to someone else who had done what
I'd done. I learned that God never wastes anything, allowing us
to be broken so that we can be used by Him. What I thought
were scraps of a life, God turned into a beautiful quilt. I
could never have understood the torment or misery someone else
was experiencing had I not crossed the line myself. I looked
down on people who had done such horrible things.

I've learned to be kinder to myself and much more compassionate
to others who fall. Shortly after confessing to my husband, I
made a "covenant" with him that I'd never again allow space to
come between us that could eventually be filled up with anything
else. I told him it would be uncomfortable sometimes, and
sometimes it is. I get in his face now, and we work through
things.

Please feel free to send this to “Mrs. Jerry.” What I share
with those I counsel now is that #1 she is not alone, #2 God
loves her, and #3 God will use this in her life. That’s
what I share with the few I counsel now.
 

beensetfree

Alfrescian (InfP)
Generous Asset
100% Correct
=============

To Whom It May Concern:


He is 100% correct.

He is correct in his assessment of the situation.
He is correct in his proposed solution.

Correct knowledge is only the first component of success.
Knowledge is one of the components that religion gives.

In my experience it is not the lack of knowledge that destroys
people and lives.

It is the rejection of knowledge that destroys.

Wisdom is the application of knowledge.

We have been given correct knowledge.

It is now time for wisdom.
 

beensetfree

Alfrescian (InfP)
Generous Asset
The Marine’s Father
====================

A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.
"Your son is here," she said to the old man. She had to repeat
the words several times before the patient's eyes opened.

Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he
dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen
tent. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his
toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a
message of love and encouragement.

The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside
the bed. All through the night the young Marine sat there in
the poorly lighted ward, holding the old man's hand and offering
him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse
suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.

He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine
was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital -
the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff
members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other
patients.

Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying
man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the
night.

Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the
now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the
nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.

Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy,
but the Marine interrupted her.

"Who was that man?" he asked.

The nurse was startled, "He was your father," she answered.

"No, he wasn't," the Marine replied.
"I never saw him before in my life."

"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"

"I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he
needed his son, and his son just wasn't here. When I realized
that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son,
knowing how much he needed me, I stayed."


The next time someone needs you just be there. Stay.

We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual
experience.

We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human
experience.

~Author Unknown~
 
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