What does a wedding actually mean in SG??

eRRoRist · Jul 13, 2008

Has wedding dinner become a money making opportunity for couples??

Are couples expecting friends and relatives to subsidies or pay for the 5 Star hotel wedding dinner they cannot afford, so that they can look good??

Why must our name be written on the red packet?? So that they keep a record and return the favors accordingly??

Am I invited because they sincerely want to share their joy with me??

Should we waste our perfectly fine weekend evening at a dinner where the host cares more about how much money is in the red packets then presences of his guests??

Will a couple be offended if my red packet is below the "market rate"??

Will a couple feel sad if they didn't manage to recover the cost or even make money from the wedding dinner??

Will I be able to break this "tradition" when it's my turn to get married??

KouChiu · Jul 13, 2008

eRRoRist said:
Has wedding dinner become a money making opportunity for couples??

Are couples expecting friends and relatives to subsidies or pay for the 5 Star hotel wedding dinner they cannot afford, so that they can look good??

Why must our name be written on the red packet?? So that they keep a record and return the favors accordingly??

Am I invited because they sincerely want to share their joy with me??

Should we waste our perfectly fine weekend evening at a dinner where the host cares more about how much money is in the red packets then presences of his guests??

Will a couple be offended if my red packet is below the "market rate"??

Will a couple feel sad if they didn't manage to recover the cost or even make money from the wedding dinner??

Will I be able to break this "tradition" when it's my turn to get married??

I think, if you are a friend, and your income level is of that range... then you can contribute that much to help your friends cover the cost of the dinner. But if you are not doing well. I appreciate the little that you can forward in the red packet. But if you choose not to offer any red packets, that's fine by me. Then again, I am somewhat modern thinking. And I would not have a huge wedding dinner bash that I cannot afford.

Those are your friends, understand how the feel about it. And act accordingly as a friend.

That's my 2 cents.

amity · Jul 13, 2008

eRRoRist said:
.........Will a couple be offended if my red packet is below the "market rate"??

pay whatever amt u can really afford..... dont have to act generous if u dont have the ability....if the couple feel offended....they r not your friend :biggrin:

eugene88 · Jul 13, 2008

eRRoRist said:
Has wedding dinner become a money making opportunity for couples?? i dun hope so

Are couples expecting friends and relatives to subsidies or pay for the 5 Star hotel wedding dinner they cannot afford, so that they can look good?? not for me

Why must our name be written on the red packet?? So that they keep a record and return the favors accordingly?? so that they can pretend they still rmb us when they attend the wedding?

Am I invited because they sincerely want to share their joy with me?? if im the one getting married, i invite bcos i wanna share the joy

Should we waste our perfectly fine weekend evening at a dinner where the host cares more about how much money is in the red packets then presence of his guests?? take it that you're paying for the food la..

Will a couple be offended if my red packet is below the "market rate"?? if you give a few dollars, i will

Will a couple feel sad if they didn't manage to recover the cost or even make money from the wedding dinner?? they shouldnt, they should be prepared to pay the full cost wad..

Will I be able to break this "tradition" when it's my turn to get married?? pls do!!! and den invite me, thanks

my answers are in purple :biggrin:

cheongster168 · Jul 13, 2008

Unless your wedding hold in chinese rest but not hotel then you could talk about making money loh.

How much the red packet actually depend on your friendship. But try not to below market rate else people will revenge. heehee

satan666 · Jul 14, 2008

i personally find that, shld not revenge over red packet stuff lor, moeny comes and go ma.. and wedding in ristorante. is like wow.. only can invite limited ppl.. hha.. hotel better la, anyway, hotel ball room and table rates also getting cheaper these days.. haha

GTR34NurSpecII · Jul 14, 2008

IMHO, think that the traditional wedding dinner is really like a relic from the past.

Too much hassle and stress over a so called happy event. I was a cameraman for 1 of my friend's wedding. Saw how the wife was sulking and black facing everyone. Thought I was filming stress factor for a moment.

Think I'll just prepare lunch/dinner for family n close friends and host it in my backyard.

simple n easy

gun6969 · Jul 14, 2008

i think most couples, when they realise the cost of the dinner, prefer not to hold a wedding dinner.

But in my case, and a lot of others, parents in law want, so ll. They also not willing to sponsor, so red packet used to sponsor, still got to top up 3k?

Still, married life in sg very expensive. Pay for overpriced hdb apt, transport, groceries bad enough. Have kids will bankrupt you.

Pek Kim Lui · Jul 14, 2008

GTR34NurSpecII said:
IMHO, think that the traditional wedding dinner is really like a relic from the past.

Too much hassle and stress over a so called happy event. I was a cameraman for 1 of my friend's wedding. Saw how the wife was sulking and black facing everyone. Thought I was filming stress factor for a moment.

Think I'll just prepare lunch/dinner for family n close friends and host it in my backyard.

simple n easy

Actually the so called traditional weddign dinner is just to invite all your friends and relatives over for a get together. But over the years it has gone way over board. I personally don't mind having it at a simple restraunt with just good food. But I bet my in-laws would kill me :p

storm · Jul 14, 2008

Wedding is supposed to be a happy thing. Instead, it now turns into something that every newly wed couple are worrying and scared of.

This defeats the purpose of wedding and dinner.

kakowi · Jul 14, 2008

Generally a wedding means the same thing all the world over: a time of happiness shared with people they know or are obligated to invite;

Money is very important in such an event...a wedding is money-driven, it consists of: the gowns, suits, honeymoon, hotel, favours, photography, red packets to everyone from the solemnizer downwards to the restaurant staff and friends.

So if you are invited and they are good friends, give generously to help them defray their expenses; if they are acquaintances, give market rates to help them defray or don't go at all and give ample notice so that they can close some tables

eRRoRist · Jul 14, 2008

What bothers me most is that $$$ is more important to the couple then the wedding dinner itself. I have even heard discussions on how to profit from the dinner. So what are we as guest actually mean to them?? Are we invited because they want us to go?? Or just just want our money??

People are expecting to be "paid" for sending you an invitation regardless of whether if your attending??

All the colleagues I never knew, friends who wouldn't even know if I'm dead, suddenly becomes my close friend whom they want to share their joyous occasion with.

eRRoRist · Jul 14, 2008

kakowi said:
a time of happiness shared with people they know or are obligated to invite;

Yes I agree, but do you need to have 10 course meal in a grand hotel to share happiness with others??

kakowi said:
Money is very important in such an event...a wedding is money-driven...

So if you are invited and they are good friends, give generously to help them defray their expenses; if they are acquaintances, give market rates to help them defray or don't go at all and give ample notice so that they can close some tables

I don't understand this logic, you buy what you can afford. Why are you expecting people to subsidize, so that you can grand dream wedding?? Or even hope that from the wedding, it will be able to sponsor that Europe honeymoon as well.

kakowi · Jul 14, 2008

eRRoRist said:
Yes I agree, but do you need to have 10 course meal in a grand hotel to share happiness with others??

That depends on the couple concerned. Some like it grand, others like it cosy and intimate. If they feel the need to have a grand dinner to express their happiness, that is their choice and there is no need to question that.

But if the issue is the size of the ang pow, then it is your choice what you want to give.

I don't understand this logic, you buy what you can afford. Why are you expecting people to subsidize, so that you can grand dream wedding?? Or even hope that from the wedding, it will be able to sponsor that Europe honeymoon as well.

Any wedding has expenses to defray. For the couple concerned they hope that it can be defrayed. Unlike western weddings where the full cost is borned by the couple themselves, the chinese wedding (i only know of chinese weddings) is one which loves noise, grandeur and opulence. Some goes into debt to 'show off'. Although i do too question that neccessity, i do know that the couple would have their private reasons for doing so.

Thus my logic: if they are important to you, help them out. If not, either pay the market rate or don't go and give them ample advance notice.

It is their happiness and for some they may go bali or penang instead of Europe. But that is their life and their choice.

my replies in blue

1sickpuppy · Jul 14, 2008

For me I never bother about the wedding dinner. Just have my direct relatives go to my mom's place hold a casual high tea buffet and thats it. After that tell everyone byebye cya all 2 weeks later going for my honeymoon. Didn't bother to call my fellow workers or friends to attend and didn't bother about what angpow. :biggrin:

My wife however wanted a wedding dinner at her side so I didn't bother too much just came out the $ and let the inlaws do all the work:p Fyi do you guys know one 10 course dinner with shark's fin soup, roast pig and other stuff only cost RM388 :smile:

the fact that my brother inlaw was the main chef did help a bit hehe :wink:

aakumu · Sep 3, 2008

Hi bro,
Money is money, but we all want to be there for our friend on their happiest moment.
But if I were to go to the party, I would like to thing that I would like to pay for my own food.

My umble two cents.

jw5 · Sep 3, 2008

aakumu said:
Hi bro,
Money is money, but we all want to be there for our friend on their happiest moment.
But if I were to go to the party, I would like to thing that I would like to pay for my own food.

My umble two cents.

Why do people invite others to their wedding and not to their divorce?
Isn't the divorce supposed to be the second happiest moment of the couples' lives after the wedding? :smile:

Ridler · Sep 3, 2008

jw5 said:
Why do people invite others to their wedding and not to their divorce?
Isn't the divorce supposed to be the second happiest moment of the couples' lives after the wedding?

Maybe next time ppl start to have "divorce" dinners and please aslo remember to give ang pows with market rate $$. :biggrin:

hughgrant · Sep 3, 2008

its a 'face' thing. to be able to throw a lavish dinner shows yr relatives and yr bride;s relatives that you are well off enuff. also yr parents can save 'face'

yinyang · Sep 3, 2008

jw5 said:
...not to their divorce? Isn't the divorce supposed to be the second happiest moment of the couples' lives after the wedding?

Got, boys night out painting town red (or maybe red light district). To celebrate free from shackles:p

kakowi said:
depends on the couple concerned. Some like it grand, others like it cosy and intimate. If they feel the need to have a grand dinner to express their happiness, that is their choice... their happiness and for some they may go bali or penang instead of Europe. But that is their life and their choice

TS, it's also the social norms in play here. In Europe, old man for bride pays for wedding celebrations. So if you kena daughter, save up! :biggrin:

What does a wedding actually mean in SG??

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