One of my favorite too..
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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
One of my favorite too..
erection2015
Alfrescian (InfP) + C
A couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath,although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.......
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.
The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday....
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, don't go to darts. Wait in the back garden and I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself.."
So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked:
"Do you shave?"
"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department; very generously indeed.
Then the girl went to bed and when the husband came in; the wife asked:
"Did you see it?"
"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."
"Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before."
"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!"....
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.
The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday....
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, don't go to darts. Wait in the back garden and I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself.."
So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked:
"Do you shave?"
"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department; very generously indeed.
Then the girl went to bed and when the husband came in; the wife asked:
"Did you see it?"
"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."
"Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before."
"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!"....
Political Joke
Old Butch
Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
Fred's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover
To Fred's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Fred was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully in the next election, the bells are not always audible.
Old Butch
Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
Fred's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover
To Fred's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Fred was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully in the next election, the bells are not always audible.
And ladies & gentlemen, here is the weekend special.
ENGLISH WOMEN:
First date:
You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date:
You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date:
You get to have sex but only when she wants to.
SCOTTISH WOMEN:
First Date:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date:
You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date:
You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date:
You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary:
You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary:
You find yourself a Mistress.
CHINESE WOMEN:
First date:
You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date:
You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date:
You don't even get to the third date and you realize nothing is ever going to happen.
INDIAN WOMEN:
First date:
Meet her parents.
Second date:
Set the date of the wedding.
Third date:
Wedding night.
SOUTH AFRICAN WOMEN:
First Date:
You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date:
You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date:
You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date:
She's pregnant by someone other than you.
MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date:
You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date:
She's pregnant.
Third Date:
She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.
JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date:
You spend all your money to impress her.
Second Date:
You take a loan to keep the image
Third Date:
You're broke, she finds someone wealthier
ARAB WOMEN:
First Date:
Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire community finds out.
Second Date:
You are shot dead in the street and your balls are fed to the goats.
No third date:
The POINT?
'DON'T YOU JUST LOVE SCOTTISH WOMEN?'
ENGLISH WOMEN:
First date:
You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date:
You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date:
You get to have sex but only when she wants to.
SCOTTISH WOMEN:
First Date:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date:
You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date:
You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date:
You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary:
You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary:
You find yourself a Mistress.
CHINESE WOMEN:
First date:
You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date:
You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date:
You don't even get to the third date and you realize nothing is ever going to happen.
INDIAN WOMEN:
First date:
Meet her parents.
Second date:
Set the date of the wedding.
Third date:
Wedding night.
SOUTH AFRICAN WOMEN:
First Date:
You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date:
You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date:
You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date:
She's pregnant by someone other than you.
MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date:
You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date:
She's pregnant.
Third Date:
She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.
JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date:
You spend all your money to impress her.
Second Date:
You take a loan to keep the image
Third Date:
You're broke, she finds someone wealthier
ARAB WOMEN:
First Date:
Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire community finds out.
Second Date:
You are shot dead in the street and your balls are fed to the goats.
No third date:
The POINT?
'DON'T YOU JUST LOVE SCOTTISH WOMEN?'
Been awhile since last gag (oops, I mean laugh) here :p
Italian Minister Maria Elena Boschi
Maria Elena Boschi signing up for a Ministerial job.
I cannot imagine any one feeling comfy with such high heel shoes !!!
I still think she should tie up her hair properly
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation. One day a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew.
The old man who only spoke Navajo asked a question which his son translated. "What are the guys in the big suits doing?"
A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon.
The old man got really excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors the NASA folks found a tape recorder.
After the old man recorded his message they asked the son to translate. He refused.
So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.
Finally NASA called in an official government translator. He reported that the moon message said:
"Watch out for these guys they've come to steal your land."
The old man who only spoke Navajo asked a question which his son translated. "What are the guys in the big suits doing?"
A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon.
The old man got really excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors the NASA folks found a tape recorder.
After the old man recorded his message they asked the son to translate. He refused.
So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.
Finally NASA called in an official government translator. He reported that the moon message said:
"Watch out for these guys they've come to steal your land."
There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband... for example...
A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Leaving the covered bodies groaning, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say "hello"?
A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Leaving the covered bodies groaning, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say "hello"?
THE 'Y' CHROMOSOME
People born before 1946 are called -
The Greatest Generation.
People born between 1946 and 1964 are called -
The Baby Boomers.
People born between 1965 and 1979 are called -
Generation X.
And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called -
Generation Y.
Why do we call the last group -Generation Y ?
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?
But perhaps a cartoonist explained
it most eloquently below...
Just thought you might want to know "Y"
Now share and inform someone else,
they may not know
Last edited:
there is a gen Z after Y, but hardly mentioned.
Nothing to say about The Z if they are the last of the alphabet, Z for snoring which means lazy and stupid never wake up.
Why should they do anything ...zzzzzzzz when their fathers Gen Y already have complaints so much why here and why that?
Nothing to say about The Z if they are the last of the alphabet, Z for snoring which means lazy and stupid never wake up.
Why should they do anything ...zzzzzzzz when their fathers Gen Y already have complaints so much why here and why that?
THE 'Y' CHROMOSOME
People born before 1946 are called -
The Greatest Generation.
People born between 1946 and 1964 are called -
The Baby Boomers.
People born between 1965 and 1979 are called -
Generation X.
And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called -
Generation Y.
Why do we call the last group -Generation Y ?
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?
But perhaps a cartoonist explained
it most eloquently below...
Just thought you might want to know "Y"
Now share and inform someone else,
they may not know
How do you measure up??:p
Congo panjang
Heard how long's the Congo river?:p
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